How rude and who does that...

These are only two of the wonderful encounters I have had this weekend. Remember, these are the wonderful people we share this world with. Enjoy.

While shopping at a local department store, I needed to use the little girls room. While I was heading in that direction, I was following a woman who clearly thought I was stalking her, but no I was simply going to the same place she was. When she opened the door to the restroom, she assumes since she is through the door, she can "start". Well, I prefer to wait until I am BEHIND the stall door before I start letting them "rip". I thought that she was kind of brazen, doing so with two women clearly within ear shot. Me and the one washing her hands. So she goes into the stall and I go to the only empty one left, the one next to her(there are only 3 stalls). I am relieving my bladder and I hear, well, lets just say she had a tummy ache. Me on the other hand, I have no problem going to the bathroom in public when I have a tummy ache, BUT only in dire emergencies. Clearly, this must be dire. Only I actually try to time my activity to when someone flushes the toilet or turns the sink on. Come on, I am not the only one who has mastered this. Nope, this lady follows no rules but her own. So I am at the sink now, washing my hands and I hear her say "hey, we are still here in town, shopping, are we still meeting up later". I am FLOORED. First, I thought she was talking to me. I almost responded after ''hey", I thought with all that was going on in there, she may have needed help! So I pick my jaw up off the ground and hurry out of there. I can't believe that she is on the phone. While shedobeeing!! I can't get out of there fast enough. Can you imagine the person on the other end of the phone. I will tell you, they most definitely heard her!! People, seriously!!

Today, I am checking out at another department store and the cashier is being VERY flirty friendly with the old guy in front of me. She is doing every dumb girl, tossing her hair, giggling, smacking her gum trick. I am annoyed. It is taking twice as long as it should and I want to get out of here. From the conversation I am hearing it is a student(cashier) and teacher(old guy). I sure as hell hope it is college we are talking about. Really, both of you, really?! So he finally leaves and I feel a little guilty, like I should have given them a few moments of privacy. I move to my spot in front of her and she barely says hi, without looking up. Did you use all your eye contact on old guy teacher? She tells me the total without looking up still. Wait did you just throw the pen at me to sign the charge slip? Oh no you didn't. I am sorry I don't have a penis and I am not gushing all over the place about how purty you are and how smart you are. Get over it. You took this damn job knowing you will work with both genders. If you wanted to only be around penis' then you should have become a stripper. Seriously...

Hotels officially suck...

Hotels...go suck an egg. Because we decided to go away for a long weekend without kids we now have...bed bugs. I always thought that was something someone made up for a cute bed time rhyme. "Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite. If they do get a shoe and beat them till they're black and blue". I remember being told that and singing that to my parents and sister and brothers. Now, I have a new rhyme for the bed bugs. "Goodnight, sleep tight, or lay in bed wondering if that was a bed bug or was that. Is that one. What about that". I finally went to the couch. This is all after my wonderful, anxiety filled, no sleep night the previous night. Snakes and bed bugs. What a way to spend the last three days.
So bed bugs have become increasingly more rampant due to people staying in hotels and bringing them home with them.
I went to Nashville/Indianapolis and all I got was bed bugs. That should have been on a shirt I brought back.
I cannot believe that we have bed bugs. Our mattress is new as of February this year, we have all new bedding since January of this year. Our house is brand spanking new for petes sake. I blame the hotels. The kicker is we stayed at nice hotels. I could maybe see if we stayed at a run down dive but these are very nice, reputable, downtown hotels.
Did I mention I am pissed.
These little peckers are HARD to get rid of. We just spent the last 4 hours stripping beds(I would have given anything to have been actually stripping on the bed instead!), vacuuming our box springs, mattress, pillows, comforters, etc. We know this doesn't get rid of them but it will knock off any eggs that could be just moments from hatching. Ew. We are getting the house sprayed on Tues(really, that was as soon as you could get here, really, let my allow you to borrow our bedding to use until then, hell why don't we swap houses. I bet you will get here in an hour.) and we are doing everything the internet is suggesting.
Please send bed bug dying and extinction thoughts our way. If you are a member of PETA and don't feel comfortable doing so, please let me sleep in your bed and you can sleep in mine. Seriously...

I CANNOT BREATHE....

Seriously, I am freaking out about this damn boa constrictor(maybe a slight exaggeration) I ran over yesterday. The last 24+ hours have been pure torture. We have a TON of windows facing the backyard, where the "incident" happened. Now, I am so sure there are 50 more out there that I am constantly looking for them. We live in IL for pete's sake and the wind is constant. Therefore everything in the yard looks like it is moving. *Heart racing* I can't even eat today. That is huge for me, I never lose my appetite. Maybe if I wasn't trying to eat while staring out the window! *Can't breathe* I couldn't sleep last night. I kept waking up my husband. I had lots of questions.

Me: Can snakes get in through drainage tile
Him: I am sleeping
Me: No you're not, you are talking to me
Him: No, they can't
Me: Are you sure, like for real this time
Him: *sigh* Yes, good night

A little bit later
Me: What about the garage, they can get in the garage can't they
Him: If you would keep the garage door down like I have asked you to, no
Me: What if there is already one in there...oh God *heart racing*
Him: The dog would have let us know
Me: Oh really, how, like he would say "hey mom and dad, there is a snake in the northeast corner of the garage in the pile of lumber"
Him: Yeah, something like that
Me: Whatever, please check the garage
Him: Ok
a few seconds later...
Me: well, aren't you going to go check
Him: really?!?!?

A little bit later
Me: How do we know there isn't a ton more out there.
Him: *silence*
Me: I heard you stop snoring, I know you are awake.
Him: still. sleeping.

It continued all day...I think I called him 16 times. This is serious people. Then tonight, he wants me to look at pictures of snakes online so I can help him identify which kind it was. UM...BIG HELLUVA NO!!!! Seriously...

I may never walk in my yard again...

I am the mower of the lawn at our house. Mainly because I enjoy it but partly because it gives me a couple hours of no girls whining trying to get my attention. If you have been an avid reader of my blog you would already know that the lawn mower has taken advantage of me. Really. So last night my husband brought home the mower(it is used to mow all the farms) and I took that as my hint to get my ass on the mower. I started after Makayla got home from school. It only lasted about 20 minutes because her and Grace decided to push the door bell about 32 times. Que screaming one year old. Right before I call it quits I see something shoot out of the mower. I assume I ran over a mouse. I park the mower and don't get back to it until roughly 6ish. I am cruising along, enjoying the peace and quiet and dirt and bugs flying in my face. I thoroughly enjoy mouthing to Makayla that I can't hear her when she rides by on her bike, me not slowing down one bit. Whatever she has to tell me can wait. I check to make sure the house isn't on fire or she isn't bleeding first. Well while the family is on the deck I am going back to where I mowed the "mouse" and see a bloody mess in the yard. We are talking the size of a dinner plate mess. I get a little closer and notice it is dead, obviously, that is what going to Normal Community High School gets you, a good education!! I see it is "open" and that the outside of this mess is black and silver and......scaly!!!!!!!! Oh my f*ing sweet butter cream I f*ing mowed over a SNAKE!!!!!! Oh God, oh God, oh God. I high tail it over to the deck and force my husband to go over to the "mess" and tell me it is a frog, lizard, iguana(we don't typically have them in IL), anything other then a snake. Oh God, oh God, oh God. My husband promised me years ago that we live in a very unusual area that DOES NOT have snakes. Clearly he was lying to me. Yes, for my sanity, but still. I want to go back to yesterday when I thought snakes did not come near this area. How am I going to go outside again? Seriously...

Resentment is never pretty...

While discussing all this going back to work stuff I have come up with this conclusion. Men are arrogant, selfish idiots. Don't look at me as a bitter mom being forced to join the working world again. I am looking forward to getting out of the house and I could stay home longer but feel part time is perfect for both Maggie and I! What makes it better is that I love the people I work for at Barnes. I love the job itself(98% of the time!). I love that patients are only there, at the most, 2 hours. If you don't like someone there is always someone else coming in to take their place. Our jobs are pretty much the same thing over and over but the people make it so radically different that it never gets boring. So here is my dilemma. I married my husband knowing what he did for a living and how it all works(can you tell I have been reminded of that ALOT). That being said, isn't marriage supposed to be a series of compromises and adjustments. My husband would like me to join on the insurance band wagon and become employed by either one of the insurance companies. He married me after dating me long enough to know my personality and how I tick. I think most people know that I crave change(thanks ADD!). I don't know that I would be a good fit for sitting in a cubicle with people surrounding me working on a computer all day dealing with insurance related topics(I think I would get bored, blog about my crazy boss and eventually get fired). If they asked me to blog about all that happens in a environment such as theirs I would jump to it. Unfortunately they don't have such a position. So, my point is why should I be forced to change what I have been doing for the last 13 years, the ONLY thing I have been doing for the last 13 years. All for health insurance. Is it worth it for me to go to work everyday making significantly less then I do know, for heath insurance. My husband also believes that these places would have set hours that are better for us, which is not a guarantee. He does what he loves and has no responsibility for family while he is doing so. Even in his "off" time, if something farm related comes up, there is no compromise. I do what I love, take care of the kids, house, running to practices, breakfasts, dinners, school functions, etc. all while knowing I can not call him if I am running late or need to stay late at work. I have to just "take care of it" So my question is, do I become like most moms and suck it up in the name of "family" or do I continue to do what I love because in the end, is resentment ever pretty?! Please understand that I love my husband more then anything, and this is the only thing that we can't seem to agree on. We obviously can make it paying insurance out of pocket as we have been doing. I don't know why I need to change professions which with the pay cut and out of pocket costs for insurance at large companies I don't see the benefit. Seriously...

Should I stay or should I go now....

Now that I have that song in your heads, hehehehehe, I will explain. I work for a dentist who at the time I got hired had an associate. Well the associate left shortly after I gave birth to Maggie. Thanks to him leaving, I got my extended maternity leave I wanted!! I know, everything sounds wonderful. Until now. He still hasn't gotten another associate and I am ready to go back to work part time. I met with him today and left without an answer. I told him what I needed/wanted. We seem to be about 3-4 hours short. He is going to try to be "creative" and see what he can offer me. So my question is...do I stay or do I go now!!! Do I try to find a different part time gig doing what I love without the people I LOVE working with? Do I try to find something entirely different because it offers insurance? Do I try to find a different sitter that is more accommodating to my "new" schedule, what ever that will be? I am so lost right now. It was hard enough finding a sitter at all let alone for only 2 days. I guess I will just keep my fingers crossed and know that everything happens for a reason and wait to see what is behind all this!! Seriously...

Skunk

Dumb dog, dumb, dumb dog. How can you get sprayed by a skunk for the third time in your short life. Really, you can't even leave the yard. I am through with you. Now, my house, my car, Maggies spare carseat, our coats, our shoes, probably our food in the freezer, oh and my husband smell like skunk. I may need to go to a hotel tonight to sleep. I will leave my husband and Murphy to snuggle with all their stinkiness. Clearly this calls for a mini vacay to Florida to visit my sister. It is like a sign from above, I am booking tickets right....now! Seriously...

DMV me ASAP...

Who knew! Really, who knew. I have had an off couple of weeks days and thought what better way to make it worse then go to the DMV(department of motor vehicles)! I have put this trip off for, oh, 21 days. My sticker expired on July 31 and I just went today to get the new one. Opsies. So I brace myself for the worst. I have a one year old and a four year old, both of which are in craptacular moods. First surprise, it wasn't busy, really. Second surprise, I had everything I needed! Third surprise, EVERYONE, yes, everyone in the building....PLEASANT!! Two of the workers even laughed and joked with me! No shit! Clearly they could tell I am a funny girl. I even ventured to get my address changed(we moved in January...opsies) since it was such a rockin good time there. Yeah, finally, something to make me smile and get this huge chip off my shoulder. Don't worry, the girls had a whining match in the car after we left....welcome back grumpy ass!!! Seriously...

P.S. Happy 100th post to me!!! Thank you to all that have enjoyed, if not just laughed at this little ole blog that keeps me from going ape shit crazy. Clearly I would like more of you to sign in and actually follow me so I don't feel so pathetic looking at the lonely number at the side there! Really, even if you just pop in every once in a while, THANK YOU!!!!!!!! I am trying to get something together for a give away so keep checking back for details!!!

There was this time in band camp...

Makayla had a chance tonight to try out 4 instruments of her choice. She tried
Baritone, Violin, Flute, and Oboe. She loved the baritone and oboe. Two completely different instruments. I am so impressed with her. She was so mature about everything, listened so well to instruction, and did EXTREMELY well!!! She was able to play all the instruments successfully. I was such a proud mom. She is growing up into such an amazing young woman. So now we are trying to figure out which instrument to pick. I have a feeling a band camp will be in our future!!Wish us luck...
On another note, what the hell is going on with our children these days. I could not believe how disrespectful the majority of the kids were. They were not listening, manhandling the instruments after being told not to. The parents were doing nothing! I was appalled. Parents, you are in charge, not the kids. I promise you will not "crush their spirit" if you discipline them. Please, for the future of our country, smack them every once in a while or I am afraid reality will!!! Seriously...

It is happy hour in some part of the world...

It is now 2:50 central time. I am having a drink. Yes, it has been that kind of a day. My 10 year old got herself grounded last night. Today was the first half day of school. She must have been under the notion that all rules are off today because of that. Um, hell of a no. She has officially driven me to drink. I don't even like to drink. Today, is the exception. Tomorrow will probably be an exception too. Oh what the hell, lets not leave out Friday and Saturday, being that they are a normal persons drinking days. After I have calmed my nerves with a little Dr. Pepper and Captain I will post a letter I have yet to finish writing to my daughter on why she is grounded. Until then, the Dr. is calling!! Seriously...

That is how she rolls...

I am getting ready this morning and hear Magdelicious(credit:Tanya Eileen McCowan) screaming from downstairs. I ignore it. I hear it again. I cuss a little but ignore it again. I hear it again. I scream "what is your sister screaming about". Kaylor(credit: Tanya Eileen McCowan) screams responds "it is just her being her". Well said, sista. Well said! Seriously...

Construction...

I despise road construction. I actually do not like the theory of driving at all. I get mega car sick even across town so I blame it on that. Yesterday I load up the girlies to head to a super cool water park about 40 minutes away. I forgot that there is road construction on a good majority of the road to get there. *This is what happens when I try to be a good mom.* I have always thought the signs that say "left/right lane closed ahead" were clues to maybe, I don't know, get out of that lane?! Maybe I am wrong. Maybe they mean "most people will be smart enough to get out of this lane except for the couple of idiots who think they are clearly above such rules". So we are cruising along at a whopping 5 mph, when two cars(men drivers, need I say more) pass on the shoulder? Oh, I am sorry, were we going to slow for you. Perhaps you would have liked a police escort to the front of this jam. Oh, no, you are doing just fine with bypassing the 632 cars that are patiently waiting. Jack asses. Clearly, your time is way more valuable then us "regular" folk that actually abide by the rules of the road. I refuse to let anyone who has to be legally blind to not have seen the signs, therefore shouldn't be driving, get into the lane when they realize that yes, moron, that sign was meant for everyone! Thank you to all the people who refused to let these dumb asses in. It was the highlight of the trip to see these two sitting on the side with a dumbfounded look thinking "hey guys can I get in, sorry I was such a wienie back there, I have a small penis"! Seriously...

Priorities...

So I used soda to get my one year old to sign "please" today. She did it. Continues to do it without the soda. We use whatever means we have to. Priorities, we will use a little flavored sugar water in order to get manners! Clearly, she may be a hyper and chunky girl, but at least she will be polite about it...don't judge me! Seriously...

Disclaimer...I do not give my daughter soda, the situation just happened to be the only drink I had at the time was my soda. Don't look at me like that, it is the same damn thing as juice and every parent thinks Kool-Aid is a god damn food group. You are welcome...

Are you kidding me...

We are watching our 7 year old nephew for the night. He is something else. He informed me the other day that "screwing is the same as sex". I was shocked but he was listening to a song from "Chicago", the musical, and there is a phrase about screwing the milk man. I didn't know how to respond. Then that same day, he informed everyone without a hearing aid that "I have a penis". Yes, you do. Everyone knows that without you having to scream say that. Oh boys! Back to tonight. We went swimming today and due to our hectic schedule we didn't have time to shower at the pool. So tonight I made him shower. My husband got him all set in the shower and left to get a towel. He came back in to see him showering with the curtain wide open. There was water ALL over!!! Seriously, his response was "I forgot". Are you kidding me? Oh my wonderful nephew. Seriously...

Confessions...

Confession #3...In second grade, we went outside for recess one day. Clearly we went out for recess most days but this particular day sticks out in my mind...still after all these years. Me and my friend Andrea were walking on the sidewalk when Nicola comes running by. She was not always the nicest girl. She told me my parents didn't love me because I had the smallest room in the house. Although I some times agreed, I know that it was because my sister was mean and she would have beat me up if they gave me the biggest room! Well, as Nicola was running by I tripped her! Really, I did. She ran crying to Mrs. Chase, who is one of my most favorite teachers ever!, and told her I tripped her. Mrs. Chase said "Now Nicola, Mrs. Sarcasm would not trip you on purpose. I am sure it was an accident". Score!!! Mrs. Chase didn't even make me apologize for "accidentally tripping" her!! I always that it was because she only wished she could have tripped her on purpose too!! Really, after all these years I still remember this. I can remember so many details of this day. I guess girls were catty back in my grade school days just as much as they are now! Seriously...

Makayla may need therapy...

This morning, Makayla got up with her dad and helped him pick sweet corn to sell this afternoon. She drove the tractor and he picked. He tells me she did great, never once complained! I am proud of her for getting up that early and being pleasant the whole time. She had found a couple little ears of corn that never grew. They are pretty small, I would even venture to call them "cute". She named them "Bob". Later this morning we were getting gas and I opened up her door to ask her a question. I saw three "Bob's" sitting in the door. I asked her why they were in my car. She says, and I quote "because they are my friends". I burst out laughing. Really. I hurt her feelings. Clearly, I couldn't stop. She is 10, I didn't think she needed to take up having "corn buddies" when she has plenty of "human" friends. I really need to stop giving her reasons for therapy. I have a feeling she may need a therapy fund instead of a college fund. But she keeps us laughing...even if it is at her and not with her!!! Seriously...

Monkey Toes...

Our family is known for its "monkey toes". We have the ability to pick up most objects with our feet. Seriously, we can pick up some crazy shit with our toes. Even my stubby little toes have amazing reach and strength! Well, this morning I picked up a nerf dart and threw it with my toes towards Magdelicious. She then tried to pick it up with her toes!!! Yeah, the monkey toes lives on...!!! Seriously...

Birthday girl...

Seriously, I wish I could feel like this even 50% of the time!! I love her for her excitement of her world around here!!

My sweet, independent, stubborn, beautiful little girl turned one on Tuesday. It has been so much fun playing the "one year ago today at this moment we were.." game. It is interesting to see how differently my husband and I remember things and how differently we experienced the same event. Crazy!! So, Maggie woke up early on her birthday, almost as if she knew the day was all about her. I feel that birthdays should be the one day of the year that it is literally all about me the birthdayee! So of course, Maggie got her way all day long. Although now that I think about it...it was no different than any other day! She was in such a good mood, so happy. It made me fall in love with her even deeper then I realized possible. It stormed crazy in the morning, much like the morning she was born. I feel there is a direct correlation between that and her personality. I am so lucky that I got to spend the first year at home with her. We are partners in crime, joined this summer by Makayla. Back to the birthday, we got her pictures taken professionally. I was given a limit on what I could spend. Well, I took it as a suggestion. They were all SOOO good that I splurged alot a little! This is only the second time I got them taken professionally so it is ok! Long story somewhat made shorter...she opened presents and wanted to play with the toy she opened instead of finding out what was in the other packages. She LOVED her chocolate cupcake. White cupcake, not so much. I find that funny because neither of her parents are chocolate fans. Whose child are you!!! Then she eats everything in sight and realize, yes, you are my daughter!! She was in a great mood all day and didn't sleep worth shit that night. She wanted to keep partying! To my Maggie Lu...you have been such a wonderful addition to our family!! Thank you so much for being you and reminding us of how to love life!!! Seriously...

Boy vs. Girl

I asked my husband to help me "tidy" up the kitchen before we went to bed tonight. This is what it looked like after he "tidied" up.


As embarrassed as I am showing you what it looked like, I felt like I had to get this point across. This is how my house would look everyday if it was up to him to keep it clean. I am the first to admit that I am no wonder woman when it comes to a clean house. It is a waste of time when you have two kids and a husband! This is what our house would look like if we were having friends over if it were up to him. He says "they don't care what our house looks like". Well maybe if it were a group of cavemen. He doesn't understand why I think it is embarrassing! They don't get it...and probably never will.
This is what it looked like when I was done "tidying" it up. I can hopefully sleep a little better now! Seriously...

Maggie Update

In three days my baby girl will be one!!! It is so hard to believe that a year ago, she was still inside my stomach being "herself". How would I describe "her". I will tell you...

She is extremely stubborn, strong willed, full of life, independent, and the most amazing little girl ever!!! Makayla was always so easy going, laid back, adaptable, and of course, amazing as well!! Maggie, well, she is "colorful, spirited, and nothing like Makayla"! Here are some of Maggies "milestones":

She is down to one bottle a day...on her own doing.

She doesn't care to eat any more baby food. She will just have whatever we are having, thank you.

She is the ruler of this roost. She is in charge and if you ever question that, well, you will have to deal with her and she WILL set you straight.
She is not a cuddler except when it is time for bed and only because it happens so infrequently that she knows she gets to stay up a little later because of it!

She is very independent.

She has gone poop in the big potty twice now! Only because I saw her turning red and tried it out and she did go on the big potty, much to her dislike! Second was when dad was giving her a bath(hahahahahaha) and he saw bubbles...and didn't move quite fast enough!

She prefers to drink through a straw, and has been for about 4 months now. She can also drink from a cup if someone is holding it without spilling!!

She DOES NOT like to sleep in anything other then her crib. Not with us, not in a pack-in-play at a hotel, nowhere!

She can say momma, dada, baba, hot, bye, hi, uck, mmmmm(which is mooing which is referring to the cows). She waves and blows kisses. And of course the full mouth open kisses are a favorite of mine!!

She is very ticklish.

She is a HUGE flirt. She definitely has any boy she comes in contact with charmed within seconds.

She is a night owl and not a morning person, just like her mom!!

She has no fear.

She loves pushing buttons, figuratively and literally!

She is always thinking and studying things.

She loves outside and knows what that word means, so don't say it if you don't want to take her out.

She loves rocks!

She has a like/dislike relationship with Makayla. She likes to dislike her!!

She is going to be EJ's farm girl, loves getting dirty, digging for rocks, playing in his tool box, riding in tractors and rangers.

She has both mom and dad wrapped around her little finger like no ones business!!

I can't believe my Maggie Lu is turning one!!! It was been an amazing year and I am so lucky to have been able to stay home with her for all the changes and growing up that she ha done. It will be bittersweet come Sept. when I go back to work but I know that she will truly enjoy being around lots of kids her own age. I am sure it will be much tougher on me then her. Seriously...