tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-59060770493437986012024-03-14T04:22:34.071-05:00This is My Reality...I am a fun-loving, sarcastic, funny girl who somehow finds herself eating a big bowl of bitchy flakes quite often! My kids drive me crazy but I love them with my whole being. My husband is a saint for putting up with me! Join me on this so called "reality"!! Seriously...Mrs. Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07885255565039648722noreply@blogger.comBlogger181125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5906077049343798601.post-5114806032391341312017-05-05T22:52:00.001-05:002017-05-05T22:52:34.290-05:00Today is Friday May 5th. I wish I was celebrating with chips, salsa and margaritas. However, I am not. I am recovering from gallbladder surgery. Let me tell you. I don't care if you have an inch long incision or an eighty inch long incision, it fucking hurts when the dermabond starts peeling off. The pain of that doesn't even compare to the pain in my stomach from wanting to eat, not being able to eat, trying to eat but it kills my insides. Food is like cocaine for me at the moment. I resist it and resist it. And then I try just a little bit, and get sucked into just a couple more bites. Then the worst food hangover ever happens. Just to clarify, I only assume that is what cocaine is like. <br />
I had my tonsils out Feb 23rd. So this year has really sucked so far. I keep hoping and keep being told I will be a new woman after I am healed. It can't happen fast enough. I will say getting my tonsils out was the best thing I did. Recovery was horrible, but well worth it! <br />
Physically, I don't know what I am. Ive lost weight but no one can tell. My clothes feel better so that is all the matters. I have more energy, even being down after surgery. Weight will always be a struggle I guess. I just want to be happy. If size 12 is happy, I'll proudly be a size 12!! But enough about that. <br />
Here is my big "coming back to blog" issue. Toxic people. I am surrounded by toxic people. I CANNOT get myself healthy if I am not surrounded by people who love me and support me. Love and support does not mean what can I do for them to make their lives easier. It does not mean being my friend and then talking about me behind my back. Love and support is being there when I don't want anyone to be there. Knowing I'm not ok and still doing nothing about it. <br />
Grief, I will talk a lot about grief too. Because I am not over my dad's death as well or as much as I thought I was. <br />
So just a preview of whats to come. I still spend too much, dress my daughters SO much better than myself, love farm life and love my husband more than words can say. Funniness will definitely be a part of this as well. Hopefully most of it!Mrs. Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07885255565039648722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5906077049343798601.post-10589369990200865782017-05-05T22:37:00.002-05:002017-05-05T22:37:48.618-05:00I have been internally struggling about starting a new blog or continuing this one. I even went so far as to set one up. This has so much history though. And it helps me see how I once was. Its crazy looking back at what seems like an incredibly chaotic time but realizing how at peace you were, in general. Now, I seem like such a train wreck. I'm just going to start writing and see where the journey takes me. Writing is a form of therapy for me. So, sit back, grab a glass or bottle of wine and follow me along on this crazy journey called life. <br />
<br />Mrs. Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07885255565039648722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5906077049343798601.post-41959838197127190292011-01-27T13:35:00.004-06:002011-01-27T14:02:46.465-06:00absolutely....nothing...I got nothing. I am in a funny mojo slump. Here is my attempt at a post. Enjoy or don't. Your choice. Wow, for not having a period anymore, I sure am pms bitchy.<br /><br />~~I feel like I wipe asses allll day. Mia has been pooping like 4-5 times a day and Maggie decided that potty training is more fun when she does great for a week then completely stops. We are looking into pre-school boarding schools. On the west coast. Of China.<br /><br />~~I have never felt so disconnected to my husband. I don't even want to have wild crazy circus monkey sex anymore. I am that afraid of getting pregnant. Even with the Mirena IUD. I have three children and only one was "tried" for.<br /><br />~~I wish I lived in a one bedroom apartment. Then maybe I could keep that space clean. Three bathrooms, three bedrooms, three "living areas" and a kitchen...hell to keep picked up(we won't even mention the word clean). No one will help. That doesn't help.<br /><br />~~I am the rare female on the planet that refuses to drink diet soda. Yes, I could lose weight if I drank diet soda, however, I don't like it so why drink it. I drink more water then I ever have so I justify it that way. I am about to go all postal on the next waiter/waitress who brings me a refill and it is diet. I GET IT. I AM CHUBBY. DON'T ASSUME THAT MEANS I AM ON A DIET. Got it. Next time, the drink is going to be on your diet...and it won't enter through your mouth.<br /><br />~~I cannot wait for my sister to have a baby. She is trying and damnit if it isn't happening fast enough. Ok, so maybe they just started. I WANT TO BE AN AUNT!!! I want to buy ridiculously ridiculous things for a little niece, nephew or sextuplets!! HAHA, just kidding, kinda. My sister in law has a son but he doesn't like anyone but his mom and won't give me a chance to be the fun aunt. He doesn't know what he is missing out on.<br /><br />~~I LOVE breastfeeding my baby. Not in that way you sickos. I love that it is easy. Sad, I know. I should be saying it is the best for my baby, it is bonding with her, blah blah blah. It affords me a can of soda and I can; barely wake up, grab her, lay back in bed, flop a boob out, fall back asleep and wake up when my husband asks me if I am going to put that away or is it an invitation. That being said...I can't wait until I have my boobs and life back to myself. We went skiing this weekend sans babies. I was the debbie downer who kept having to go back to the resort/room to pump. I want to go out to lunch with the girls and not have to say no because I have to pump. I am sure in a few months I will be saying how much I miss boobie feeding Mia. Until then, I will feel slightly selfish. mkay.<br /><br />~~That is all for now. This is what is consuming my world these days...seriously...Mrs. Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07885255565039648722noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5906077049343798601.post-64796219634080691682011-01-25T21:53:00.002-06:002011-01-25T22:07:24.439-06:00I rode the magic carpet like a champ...I am not ashamed to say that my 11 year old kicked my ass in winter sports this weekend. We went north to a ski resort and my 11 year old daughter put me in my place. That place was...the little kids, we are talking 3 and 4 year <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">olds</span>, magic carpet learning hill. It is the teeniest little hill that has not a ski lift but a moving walkway like they have in airports and Vegas. You just <s>struggle</s> get yourself to the beginning and it magically moves you to the top. GENIUS! I hung out there during a little kids lesson and just did what the instructors were telling the little kids to do, while nonchalantly doing it right along with the kids. He asked for a pizza slice, I gave him a pizza slice(to make you slow down and stop!). I even at one point asked if I did it right. The instructor, all of 16, looked at me like I was a moron. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">Opsies</span>, I got carried away and wanted some credit <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">damnit</span>! But, you know what. It worked. I got enough <s>balls</s> courage to go down not only the bunny hill(which is more like a bobcat hill if you ask me...bunnies aren't supposed to make me scream "holy shit balls") but also the next level up! Yeah me. However, as much as I feel accomplished, my daughter kicked my ass. She has only ever skied for a total combined 5 hours in her life decided, eh skiing is so five minutes ago, lets try snowboarding. YIKES. However, thanks to my brothers, she was "boarding" with the best of them by the end of the day. Oh to be young again, have no fear and be closer to the ground so falling doesn't scare you quite as much!! Seriously...Mrs. Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07885255565039648722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5906077049343798601.post-41800883936286326782011-01-17T21:40:00.002-06:002011-01-17T22:00:30.877-06:00I prefer my naps at Walgreens...don't youIf anyone knows me, they will vouch that I REQUIRE a lot of sleep. I don't wear tired well, at all. On Saturday night into Sunday morning Mia decided that sleeping was for the birds. We partied like rock stars from about 12 midnight to when I finally passed her off to her dad, who was sleeping during the over night shift, at 5:30a.m. I crashed at 5:30, like slobber on the pillow crash. For whatever reason I was wide awake at 8:45a.m. and couldn't fall back to sleep. Note to self, take sleeping during overnight shift next time. We don't know for sure what Mia's problem was, she was not crabby but very restless. So, we played. Sunday afternoon, I was super crabby, so I ran some errands in town, alone. I hit 4 different stores in one hour and didn't want to go home because I knew I would have to do stuff...like parent. Have you ever seen <a href="http://http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=ql-N3F1FhW4">this</a>? I love my swagger wagon and did something in it that I am ashamed of and so proud of. I took a nap...in Walgreens parking lot. It was so peaceful. It was comfortable and yes I will do it again. It was perfect. No kids, no husband, and turned my phone on silent. Pure bliss. I remember the commercial where Mrs. Swagger Wagon was sleeping in hers and the husband ushered the daughter away, knowing "happy wife, happy life"!! I so get it. Seriously...Mrs. Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07885255565039648722noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5906077049343798601.post-21708389686442938362011-01-12T22:48:00.006-06:002011-01-12T23:09:37.877-06:00No booger can get past me...<div align="center">For reals. I cannot stand to see one of my little girls with a boogie in her nose. My 11 year old can retrieve her own so I do not have to worry about her. The little ones, they just walk around and lay around not caring at all that they have "bats in the cave". Me, it bothers the bejeepers out of me. To the point that when my husband sees a boogie before I do, he immediately tells Maggie to "go see your mom, you have a boogie". Maggie then comes right over and moves her lip down over her teeth so I can get a good look! I have her trained. I even tell her, if she isn't being so cooperative, that it is about to bite her and I NEED to get it out before it does. Then, she is still as a statue! Well, with Mia, it is not so easy. She strongly dislikes any sort of cotton square on her face. Be it a cloth diaper, wipe, boogie wipe, or sock(don't judge, sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures!), she will start the alligator death roll with her head and body....I kid you not. Tonight, Christmas came early. I got.....A NOSE TWEEZER FOR BABIES!!!! I laughed when I saw this on Amazon. But, I also secretly was jumping up and down. Someone else is obviously just as neurotic as I am!! They have the tiniest little end on them, just perfect for grabbing a boogie in a little bitty nose! Oh, and it may seem like a hard little boogie but they always have a stringer attached. My husband says they are attached to the brain, they are so long. Just so you know, we are a boogie free family. My poor girls...Seriously...<br /></div><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 160px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 160px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5561531670850289890" border="0" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_D6nNFBopmjI/TS6HlqAdwOI/AAAAAAAAAPY/Wf8t-iyR2DM/s320/babynosetweezers.jpg" /> <p align="center"><span style="font-size:78%;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Cleaning-Tweezers-Pigeon-Japan/dp/B000FI0HUU/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=baby-products&qid=1294895313&sr=8-1">credit</a></span></p>Mrs. Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07885255565039648722noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5906077049343798601.post-73073857286956234262011-01-11T22:40:00.003-06:002011-01-11T22:47:16.814-06:00I may suck at being a mom but she clearly doesn't...<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_D6nNFBopmjI/TS0x7FBFktI/AAAAAAAAAPA/wgl5mWT7YpY/s1600/DSC_0018.JPG"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 213px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5561156005901210322" border="0" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_D6nNFBopmjI/TS0x7FBFktI/AAAAAAAAAPA/wgl5mWT7YpY/s320/DSC_0018.JPG" /></a><br /><div align="center">Monkey see monkey do. At least her babies don't get hungry in public. Her version of a bopi is a neck pillow for the car. Damn smart, that girl! Seriously... </div>Mrs. Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07885255565039648722noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5906077049343798601.post-89704615385975037712011-01-11T22:01:00.002-06:002011-01-11T22:33:33.827-06:00Errr, maybe bull riding in her future?...<p><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dw1GiYhLPlyWw7MYD-pHhPDvM3B5Wk0I8jewHdOVRUBxuy8fcKB4xbI7srklO2hddBsYYcaGTz5ukuWs3aCvg' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></p><p>I have never seen my sweet angel baby act like this before. It reminds me of a cat on catnip for some reason. Like if she could walk and run she would have a bucket on her head and be ramming said head and bucket into walls and peoples rear ends. Not what you visualized when you saw it. Hmm. Don't know what to tell you there. Except that maybe that is what happened when I tried a little cat nip back in the day. I kid. Maybe it reminds you of my wonderful husband if you have seen him after a few too many captain and dr. pepper's? Yes, that must be it! Good thing he doesn't read my blog!! But seriously...we are saying she gets this from his side of the family! ;) Our little secret! At my beautiful tubby baby girls expense...enjoy and you are welcome...Seriously...</p>Mrs. Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07885255565039648722noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5906077049343798601.post-51899473927657166402011-01-10T23:36:00.002-06:002011-01-10T23:42:24.702-06:00I suck at being a mom sometimes...Like when I get a new phone and download Angry Birds to that said phone. I sat in "the chair" in our little girls room tonight for 45 mins. Not because I was waiting for the girls to fall asleep. Nope, I was busy playing the damn angry birds game. It. Has. Consumed. My. Being. Well, at least when I am not really needing to be productive. I could have done dishes, laundry, organizing the cabinets in our kitchen that have 326 things fall out when you open them. But I did not. Le sigh, this too shall pass. Likely soon as I am getting frustrated with how hard the levels continue to be. At least I fed the kids and got them ready for bed. That is how I roll these days!! Seriously...Mrs. Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07885255565039648722noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5906077049343798601.post-46016004625053618112011-01-09T11:46:00.005-06:002011-01-09T12:16:03.275-06:00Not ready yet...<div align="center"> Here we are, Mia is 7 months old and I should probably get a grip and let her grow up. Here is what I have done/not done to prevent her from growing up. We are about 85% sure Mia is our last little miracle and I have had an exceptionally hard time swallowing that little pill. Yes, it is my decision(more so then the baby daddy!) and I wish I had the patience/time/money/sanity to have 21 babies. Here is how poor Mia Belle has lived the last 7 months...<br /></div><div align="center">~still in the bassinet portion of the pack n play...in our room. At the foot of the bed. at night only, she does nap in her crib....baby steps!</div><div align="center"><br /></div><div align="center">~just started baby food. she skipped all 1st foods due to mom prolonging it. </div><div align="center"><br /></div><div align="center">~does NOT like to be put down for very long. may be due to me holding her, thinking, she is the last baby and I want to enjoy every second of it!<br /></div><div align="center"><br /></div><div align="center"></div><div align="center">~still nursing, even though I have thought my milk supply is too low for her. if you have seen her, she is doing just fine! ;)<br /></div><div align="center">~she did not like being on her belly so she may start crawling when I enroll her in kindergarten...since crawling and I am pretty sure walking require her to spend time out of moms arms!<br /></div><div align="center">~she still takes grocery cart rides in her car seat, even though she can sit up fine in the cart. she seems like a big girl sitting there, so therefore she will continue to ride in the car seat in the basket! </div><div align="center"><br /> </div><div align="center"></div><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 213px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5560248466999678946" border="0" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_D6nNFBopmjI/TSn4hXJtF-I/AAAAAAAAAOw/nzT3_4xAJl0/s320/DSC_0029.JPG" /> <p align="center"> <span style="font-size:78%;">Here she is only the second time sleeping on her tummy...again, not ready. me, not her<br /></span><br />As you can see, I may need help; professional help. This stage does not last long enough. I would gladly take the needy infant stage for 5 years as opposed to the needy teen years any day!! I understand that babies must grow up but gosh darn it, I don't have to like it!! Seriously...</p><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 213px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 320px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5560250615119154450" border="0" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_D6nNFBopmjI/TSn6eZhTDRI/AAAAAAAAAO4/LrCPwSnPTPM/s320/DSC_0548.JPG" /> <p align="center"><span style="font-size:78%;">Mom and her Mia Belle at the beach. Can you see why now...seriously...</span></p>Mrs. Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07885255565039648722noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5906077049343798601.post-91358969545013889492010-12-08T13:25:00.002-06:002010-12-08T13:34:18.652-06:00xmas 2010<div style="WIDTH: 425px; HEIGHT: 494px" class="sflyProductPreviewWidget"><div style="BACKGROUND-IMAGE: url(http://cdn.staticsfly.com/img_/share/preview/msc/widget/top.gif); HEIGHT: 6px" class="sflyProductPreviewWidgetTop"></div><div style="BACKGROUND-IMAGE: url(http://cdn.staticsfly.com/img_/share/preview/msc/widget/bg.gif); PADDING-BOTTOM: 0px; PADDING-LEFT: 6px; PADDING-RIGHT: 6px; BACKGROUND-REPEAT: repeat-y; HEIGHT: 482px; PADDING-TOP: 0px" class="sflyProductPreviewWidgetCenter"><div style="PADDING-BOTTOM: 0px; PADDING-LEFT: 14px; WIDTH: 105px; PADDING-RIGHT: 0px; HEIGHT: 34px; PADDING-TOP: 14px" class="sflyProductPreviewLogo"><img src="http://cdn.staticsfly.com/img_/share/preview/msc/widget/logo.gif" /></div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0px; PADDING-LEFT: 0px; PADDING-RIGHT: 0px; HEIGHT: 350px; PADDING-TOP: 0px" class="sflyProductPreviewContainer"><a href="http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery"><img src="http://images-community.shutterfly.com/prs/v1/8AZNnLly2buL/8AZNnLly2buLcW/p/67b0de21b3127d902548/JPEG/1291836291000/0/" /></a></div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; PADDING-BOTTOM: 15px; LINE-HEIGHT: 19px; BACKGROUND-COLOR: #f4f4e9; PADDING-LEFT: 0px; PADDING-RIGHT: 0px; HEIGHT: 55px; PADDING-TOP: 15px" class="sflyProductPreviewMessageContainer"><div style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, sans-seris; COLOR: #333333; FONT-SIZE: 15px; FONT-WEIGHT: bold" class="sflyProductPreviewTitle"><span style="font-size:+0;">With Love Chartreuse Christmas Card</span></div><div style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, sans-seris; COLOR: #333333; FONT-SIZE: 13px" class="sflyProductPreviewSEOText"><span style="font-size:+0;">Shop Shutterfly.com for elegant <a style="COLOR: #6666cc" href="http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/christmas-photo-cards">Christmas photo cards</a>.</span></div><div style="FONT-FAMILY: arial, sans-seris; COLOR: #333333; FONT-SIZE: 13px" class="sflyProductPreviewViewCollection"><span style="font-size:+0;">View the entire <a style="COLOR: #6666cc" href="http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery">collection</a> of cards.</span></div><img border="0" src="https://os.shutterfly.com/b/ss/sflyshareprod/1/H.15/111?pageName=sharekey&c1=msc&c2=blogger" width="1" height="1" /></div></div><div style="BACKGROUND-IMAGE: url(http://cdn.staticsfly.com/img_/share/preview/msc/widget/bottom.gif); HEIGHT: 6px" class="sflyProductPreviewWidgetBottom"></div></div>I LOVE LOVE LOVE Shutterfly!! I have made numerous photo books, two baby announcements and lots of prints from this wonderful website! Clearly, you should too! They seriously have the best variety and very modern designs! I get so excited when I see those colorful little bubbles come to my doorsteps!! Thanks Shutterfly, you have done it again! Seriously...Mrs. Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07885255565039648722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5906077049343798601.post-3417614896403079182010-10-29T17:52:00.004-05:002010-10-29T18:09:07.383-05:00Men are mentally disabled...Ok, this is a husband bashing post. If you do not care to hear the rest of this, please click the x!! I am writing this post with the utmost respect and love for the man I married. He, like myself, is far from perfect. I get that. However, this is America, Land of the Free, and I can say whatever the hell I want to. So here the story goes...<br /><br /><br />Our beautiful 2 year old is refusing naps. Completely. With every ounce of her being. This is not ok for her momma. Momma needs her to nap. Not because I want the alone time. She NEEDS the nap. I call my husband, who is farming, to tell him that a certain 2 year old is coming to ride with him. I tried for 2 and a half hours to get her to nap. I needed a break as did she. He says I will be home in an hour. Perfect, our 11 year old has a school dance tonight and I am taking three girls. He can take them. Along with said 2 year old. He gets home and informs me that he is taking the trailblazer so no room for 2 year old. I cry. I say ,take the van. He says he is going to see if the tire place is open so he can get the tires rotated on trailblazer. I cry harder. Seriously, what planet is he on that he does not understand simple communication. I CLEARLY expressed that I needed a break. He then calls me and tells me that he is going to stop by his sisters house to say hi since we were invited to go carve pumpkins tonight. I say LIKE HELL YOU ARE!!! I think he finally got the hint. Although, I say that and I am sure he will say something equally stupid before I go to bed. Calgon, take me away! Seriously...<br /><br /><br />The only thing that keeps me from going insane is this! Enjoy and you're welcome!<img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 213px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5533608660904008994" border="0" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_D6nNFBopmjI/TMtTwj81XSI/AAAAAAAAAOc/qHccNVvWCNQ/s320/DSC_0835.JPG" />Mrs. Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07885255565039648722noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5906077049343798601.post-24532010247015853052010-09-30T14:59:00.002-05:002010-09-30T15:11:58.458-05:00Someday...I will get sleep, have a clean house, have friends that aren't my daughters friends' parents. Someday I will be able to go to the post office without burning 200 calories trying to get the double stroller out of the van, loaded, kids buckled and then get inside to realize I forgot my package to be mailed...at home. Someday, my cabinets won't have locks on them that I can't get open but my two year old can. Someday I will stop buying cute "couldn't pass up something this cute that is handmade" things on ETSY that has my husband wondering if we had our identity stolen and someone is spending our money at an alarming rate. Someday my preteens defiance, stubbornness and strong will will make sense. Someday I will have free time at night, my house will be quiet and clean and empty. I don't want that someday to ever be here. As much as life has been super crazy, I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. However, that being said, my Uncle Pat, who is amazing, told me once that having children is like being pecked to death by chickens. I couldn't agree more! Good thing I like chicken and eggs! Seriously... <div> </div><div> </div><div><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5522801381735694002" border="0" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_D6nNFBopmjI/TKTumHtkfrI/AAAAAAAAAOU/lNhXhMmfC9o/s320/IMG_6102.JPG" /></div><div> </div><div><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5522801378069617522" border="0" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_D6nNFBopmjI/TKTul6Dgm3I/AAAAAAAAAOM/QYC3fg3UYhQ/s320/IMG_6066.JPG" /></div>Mrs. Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07885255565039648722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5906077049343798601.post-3663452249381379442010-09-03T10:00:00.002-05:002010-09-03T10:21:36.153-05:00Does hazard pay come with my 2 year old...<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_D6nNFBopmjI/TIESY1gHZdI/AAAAAAAAAOE/Z1D-jTkiekw/s1600/IMG_5628.JPG"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5512707636766139858" border="0" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_D6nNFBopmjI/TIESY1gHZdI/AAAAAAAAAOE/Z1D-jTkiekw/s320/IMG_5628.JPG" /></a><br /><div>I have 13, visible to me, bruises. I could tell you all that I got into a wicked bar fight with Paris and Lindsay since we were spotted at Les Duex wearing the same outfit, which I clearly rocked out better then them being I don't have the cocaine problem. But sadly, that is not how I got them. I am going to blame my never stop for a second, aggressive, full of energy 2 year old. I am almost positive that she has her gooey, slobbery fingerprints allllll over them. Well except for that one I got when I ran into the counter at Office Depot, and yes you pimply faced college student, I heard you choke on your own saliva laughing at me. Good thing I thought it was pretty funny too or I would have kicked your ass, see above, I am not one to mess with! ;) Back to the destroyer or better known as Maggie. This is what we have experienced in the last week. </div><br /><div>~~Finger nail polish on 30% of her body and on a 3 inch section of my bedroom carpet...finger nail polish remover DOES NOT remove finger nail polish from carpet...FYI!</div><br /><div>~~A hole in the wall....no idea what happened. She says "I bonked my head" and "I bit my tongue"...all while I was in the shower, seriously maybe 8 minutes</div><br /><div>~~Half a bottle of hand sanitizer was expertly rubbed in like lotion on all exposed skin...thankfully not from the neck up....and maybe we will get past this cold bug we have now that she is so "sanitized"</div><br /><div>~~I may have a black eye as a result of a very eager 2 year old excitedly "giving" me a book for us to read. Clearly, I need to pay more attention to her demands.</div><br /><div>~~Her new phrases are "Oh my Jesus", "GGGOOOOSSSSHHHH"(sounds just like I typed it), "God Damnit", "but Mia wants it" when she gets something that she knows she can't have.</div><br /><div>Seriously, I am exhausted, feel defeated and think I may need hazard pay to continue to raise Maggie. Seriously...</div>Mrs. Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07885255565039648722noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5906077049343798601.post-20491516972241121042010-08-17T21:28:00.003-05:002010-08-17T21:35:36.935-05:00Is this how I will be famous...I am pretty sure I am going to be making headline news tomorrow. I am going to be the first person to have their head actually explode from sinus pressure. As much as I would like to be famous, have to have my hair and make up done every time I leave the house just in case the paparazzi are hiding in my...errr, grass?!, I don't want it to be because my head exploded. Because then I won't really be photograph ready, now will I? And it would be really messy. And I don't want to have to clean it up. Because I know my family won't. Seriously...<br /><br />*EDIT* I can't believe I am about to say this. I think I would like to go to work when I am sick. It is easier then dealing with my sick 2 year old, healthy and chunky and eating all the time 10 week old, and sassy, up my hiney all the time 11 year old. Plus, I get paid. Seriously...Mrs. Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07885255565039648722noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5906077049343798601.post-62010953846410321912010-08-11T23:08:00.002-05:002010-08-11T23:13:44.965-05:00Temper Tantrums oh my.....We are officially in the terrible twos. She was actually in the terrible twos starting about 6 months ago, maybe longer! But today, full blown laying on the ground, kicking, fist banging, crying just to cry, tantrum!! Yep, that is just how she rolls. I love her and her tantrums. I guess I will love going to work on Monday and Tuesdays even more now! As long as she saves all her goodness for the Grandmas that are graciously watching the girls while I go back to work, she can throw them all she wants for me! I can't afford to lose my wonderful sitters. How do they know to be good for others and be their "true" selves for us moms and dads!?Seriously...Mrs. Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07885255565039648722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5906077049343798601.post-75735692795237891192010-08-02T13:41:00.003-05:002010-08-02T13:58:38.988-05:00What a looooong weekend...I am not a party planner, at all! I procrastinate with the best of them and then freak out when it is crunch time. Thankfully I have the best mom in the world and she saved me this weekend. It was my sister's wedding shower. I will give you a lil background on what I am working with. My sister stated when she was a teenager that her goal in life was to be a snob. I personally think she is too personable and nice to be a snob but she has managed to be, oh, shall I say, high maintenance! <s>Bridezilla</s>Tanya loves all things name brand. Me, I shop at Target and Old Navy. I do love when she brings me things to wear though! Banana Republic is not an area where they grow banana's but a nice, albeit expensive, clothing store! So, I tried to give her the best shower as she always goes above and beyond for everyone. I hope I succeeded. It was fun and stressful but thankfully it is over. I grew grass for her, made cinnamon shakers, had her favorite candies, moved couches and the biggest thing I did was clean my house for her. Well actually only the first floor! I did it because I love her and even if we live completely different lifestyles, have different taste and don't always see eye to eye, she is my sister and I wouldn't trade her for anyone else! Ok, maybe Jennifer Aniston, but only for a day! Seriously... <div> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5500888172032881986" border="0" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_D6nNFBopmjI/TFcUpcMq9UI/AAAAAAAAANs/xs0i4AwhGEA/s320/IMG_5487.JPG" /></div><br /><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5500888174163355138" border="0" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_D6nNFBopmjI/TFcUpkInZgI/AAAAAAAAAN0/7I6qM9CUQhA/s320/IMG_5483.JPG" />Mrs. Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07885255565039648722noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5906077049343798601.post-81412773773675906392010-07-26T14:46:00.002-05:002010-07-26T14:50:55.599-05:00So I am a Liar...Yep, I guess you are all thinking I am a big fat liar. Well back off, I just had a baby. Oh wait, I was focusing on the big fat part of that statement! Clearly, I am a tad bit sensitive on that issue. I know, not great. Well since we live in the country, modern technology is not so easy. We have been without internet for almost 5 days now. I am at my moms house to check my email and pawn hyper soon to be two year old off on my brother. How am I surviving without the internet you may ask? Check out the picture from my last blog, you will see how! As Logical Libby said...I am too busy "nom noming" her cheeks!!! I will be back soon...Seriously...Mrs. Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07885255565039648722noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5906077049343798601.post-77371870260489418962010-07-21T22:58:00.003-05:002010-07-21T23:13:49.290-05:00This is why I have been gone, I know, beautiful....<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_D6nNFBopmjI/TEfCnDKQngI/AAAAAAAAANE/5S_tlBniGvU/s1600/IMG_5414.JPG"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5496575846348004866" border="0" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_D6nNFBopmjI/TEfCnDKQngI/AAAAAAAAANE/5S_tlBniGvU/s320/IMG_5414.JPG" /></a> I have been slightly <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">pre</span>-occupied by this <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">lil</span> cutie pie. She is my sugar bear, my sunshine, my everything. She is the child God knew I needed. She is content, calm, happy, easy...I could go on and on!! She loves her momma too, and I wouldn't change that for anything. Here are a few one-liners from our family <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">convo's</span>!!<br /><br />Maggie on seeing me feed Mia for the first time.<br />~~"Mia <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">eatin</span> boobies?" , "yes Maggie, Mia gets milk from mom's boobies" About an hour later, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">EJ</span> comes home and she runs to tell him "Mia <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-error">eatin</span> boobies!!!" Seriously, can she get any cuter!<br /><br /><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-error">EJ</span> says and I quote "I sure wish someone would wake me up by putting boobs in my face" when I was trying to get Mia to eat after she fell asleep right after she started eating.<br /><br />Maggie wanted to help me feed Mia, so she rests her hand on my boob and watches cartoons. <br /><br />Maggie helping the boys put together our brand new playground in the backyard~~"God damn it"....<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_7" class="blsp-spelling-error">hmmm</span> wonder where she gets that from.<br /><br /><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_8" class="blsp-spelling-error">Makayla</span> has a cell phone, against my better wishes. It has proven to be more of a pain in the ass then she was begging for it!<br /><br />It seems that all of a sudden, since June 1st, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_9" class="blsp-spelling-error">EJ</span> has miraculously started sleeping <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_10" class="blsp-spelling-error">sooo</span> soundly at night that he doesn't hear a damn thing. Ironic!<br /><br />I will have to fill you in on all the other fun stuff that is happening around here next time. I promise to be back, maybe not everyday! I miss my stress release that blogging gives me. Seriously...Mrs. Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07885255565039648722noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5906077049343798601.post-79401854976067988132010-05-16T16:03:00.002-05:002010-05-16T16:17:42.523-05:00"blow me mom"...<span style="font-size:130%;">Maggie had a bad diaper rash a couple months ago. You know the kind, raw and produces a hyperventilation type reaction from her. Well after I put medicine on it and she still was crying without breathing I blew on it to cool it down. It helped. Now, she says "blow" after begging for medicine when we change her diaper. Clearly she is a little weird. Friday while changing her, she said "blow me mom". Really, did my 21 month old just say blow me? I can't wait until she is being changed by the sitter/Grandpa/Grandma/anyone other then myself or her dad and have her say "blow me"!!! Seriously...</span>Mrs. Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07885255565039648722noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5906077049343798601.post-34380910848452819652010-05-08T18:45:00.005-05:002010-05-08T21:34:20.037-05:00A shopping cart kicked my ass today....Actually, 2 shopping carts kicked my ass. I have been in dire need to go grocery shopping. I despise grocery shopping with my youngest daughter. So, logically, I have put it off until there was absolutely nothing for her to eat for breakfast this a.m.. She had some Goldfish crackers and a juice. Really, I just admitted it. She got up really early this morning but it was only 10 a.m. so I thought she could handle the trip. We tried yesterday but didn't even make it out of the car. I knew better. Today, we made it into the store. That is when she spotted "Sandi the horse" that she has NEVER even been on before. All she did was scream "I ride the horse, I ride the horse" and kick me as I am trying to hold onto her. I told her no and tried putting her in the cart. And tried again, and again, and again. It literally took me probably 30 attempts at putting her into the damn cart before I was able to get her damn feet into the squares and get her legs to bend at the same time(seriously, I am 9 months pregnant and not one person stopped to see if I could use some help...). Clearly, the shopping carts were invented by a man with no kids. After all that, the f*ing seat belt didn't latch, and Maggie needs to be strapped in! So, I take a deep breathe, try to find a cart that the seat belt latches and grab her out of the cart. BIG MISTAKE. This cart's belt did indeed buckle, however, the little plastic seat that kids bottoms sit on, well that wouldn't stay down. So I make a few attempts at getting her into the cart and the plastic part keeps flipping up, covering the feet holes. I feel like a complete failure. I have tears streaming down my face and can't breathe. Maggie is screaming the whole time. I grab her and walk out. We didn't even make it past the carts. I got to the van and literally sobbed and cried like I haven't cried in a loooong time. I threw in the towel and decided we could survive with another meal of goldfish and juice. Who needs milk, eggs, bread, breakfast food, lunch food, dinner food...etc. We still have leftover Easter candy. I think there may even be an old Smart One's meal we could share. A little freezor burn never hurt anyone, did it? Seriously...Mrs. Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07885255565039648722noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5906077049343798601.post-66666130771135994812010-05-06T21:20:00.002-05:002010-05-06T21:40:00.127-05:00Has it been that long really?...Sooooo, how is everyone? It has been awhile, no? Well I am now 36 weeks pregnant! Having some contractions, the Doctor says she will take me anytime this baby wants to come! Scary. This pregnancy has gone by sooo fast. I can't believe how fast it goes when you want it to go slow. I don't think I am quite ready for a lil precious newborn who doesn't like sleeping at night. Since Maggie isn't even 2 yet, my days will be filled with handling her and not a lot of time for "sleeping when the baby sleeps"! Did I mention before in my posts that Maggie can be a handful. That is an understatement by the way. Makayla is wonderful with helping, however she is needy in her own ways. She wants everything to be equal. That is driving me more crazy then Maggie climbing onto the bar at the sitters and handing out beer glassed to the other kids. This would be a good time to mention they were sleeping and she just threw them into the pack-n-plays! I love her spunk. Makayla has a heart of gold but she is sooooo sensitive. How did I end up with such different personalities in my kids. Can't wait to see how this lil peanut turns out! Hopefully a good mix. I am hoping to get back on the blogging bandwagon. You know, just in time to have a baby. Wish me luck, Lord knows I need it! Seriously...Mrs. Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07885255565039648722noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5906077049343798601.post-61825536124673455832010-03-25T09:13:00.002-05:002010-03-25T09:31:26.134-05:00A letter to my forgotten best friend...Dear Advil~<br /><br />I cannot explain to you how I have missed you so much. Only 72 more days to go and we will be reunited and it will feel SO good! I plan on taking you to the hospital with me and taking you as soon as baby Kelley enters this world. If I only have you by my side, I will be a happy girl. Since my husband was left dumbfounded by the whole birthing process last time, you actually may be more support then he was! You will hold my hand and tell me it will be ok, won't you. You will tell me that you can't imagine the kind of pain I must be in and ask me if I am some kind of superhero...even after I have the epidural. You will tell me that I can get through the labor and delivery because you will be there waiting for me after it is over. While everyone is looking at the beautiful baby, I will be <s>begging</s> asking for a fountain Dr. Pepper so I can take FOUR of my bestest friends in the whole wide world! Oh, Advil, I have called out for you so many times and respected your ability to stay away when I needed you so much. Like last night, you were searched for and no where to be found...thank goodness or I would have taken you! My baby thanks for you being "lost". Of all the things that pregnancy has restricted me from, you are by far the hardest to handle. Don't you worry, little green liquid filled wonderfulness. You will be joining me daily come June. I can't wait to have our relationship back. I will make a promise to you...that there are no more 9 month periods where we are forced to stay apart. I know it is just as hard on you(the company's stock plummeted when I stopped taking you...for that I will make it up to you.). Just know I think about you several times a day and you will never be replaced permanently. Tylenol doesn't do shit for me. You are truly a girls best friend!! Seriously...Mrs. Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07885255565039648722noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5906077049343798601.post-6365746739267492492010-03-16T22:09:00.003-05:002010-03-16T22:31:27.910-05:00Another feel sorry for me post...<span style="font-size:130%;">This week has been ridiculous. This is a post about my 10 year old going on 18 year old baby girl. This past Friday, she had "the talk" at school. You know the one. Where they take all the boys out to play kickball and the girls have to watch a movie about a mom and daughter talking about getting periods. The one I saw had a mom making pancakes in the shape of a woman's reproductive organs. I don't think I ate pancakes for years after that. Makayla's traumatizing moment was when they demonstrated how to insert a tampon on a mannequin. She said that she is NOT going to get her period and she is NOT going to put "that thing" "there". Amen sista. If only we could control that!</span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;">She also has junior high school cheerleading tryouts this week. Insert me anxiously sighing and heart racing! I am not ready for this. I don't think she is ready either. Or maybe it is just me and my insecurities that make it seem she is not ready. Ok, it is completely me! I will have a newborn, a toddler and a junior high school student in only a couple months! Breathe, breathe, breathe. </span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;">She still offers some moments that just make us laugh. You know when she isn't being sassy and talking back. When I picked her up last night, she was talking to a girl. I asked if she just met her that day. Here is our convo...</span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;">Her: Mom, that is Madison M</span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;">Me: Who is that</span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;">Her: From my class at school</span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;">Me: <span style="font-size:100%;">(I am not racist. We go to a very small school and there is only one class per grade. I simply thought I knew all the kids in her class.)</span> The black girl?</span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;">Her: <span style="font-size:100%;">(Looking at me like she is disgusted with what I just said)</span> You mean chocolate </span>(said with an attitude)<br /><span style="font-size:130%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;">I love that she thinks of skin color as a flavor.</span> <span style="font-size:130%;"> Not sure if that is "right" but for right now, I think it is perfect! </span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:130%;">As soon as my precious baby is here, I am going to start drinking wine....heavily. Seriously...</span>Mrs. Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07885255565039648722noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5906077049343798601.post-13519201869478779382010-03-08T20:58:00.003-06:002010-03-08T21:13:17.380-06:00I. Was. Wrong.Did you feel the earth rumble when I typed those words out? Yes, that is me admitting I was wrong. I even apologized! It all started last Monday night when my husband and I fought over who was going to take Magdelicious to parent/tot class at the gym KayKay cheers for. We were actually fighting because we both wanted to take her. So I let him win and take her. I figured he is going to be in the field soon and I will welcome the help! <br /><br />It took everything I had to stay in the parents viewing area and not go switch places with him. He was sweating and I didn't understand why. He was simply moving the lil one from station to station. He also let her run off and didn't try to get her back to her station. I guess I am more of a control freak then I thought. So I made fun of him and grilled him on why he was sweating, why he didn't have more control over her and why he didn't make her do more. I will take this time to remind you that she just turned 19 months last week. <br /><br />Well, today I ate my words and took back everything I said to him last week. I attended lil M's class with her and it was the longest 35 minutes ever. Oh and her class is 45 minutes long, EJ finished the last 10 minutes with her. Yes, I tagged him in when I couldn't hold my need to pee any longer. And I didn't go back! Magdelicious has a mind of her own, very strong willed. She tested my patience and then some. KayKay had her cheerleading practice at the same time and that didn't help with keeping lil M's attention on her own class. I was more frustrated that the teacher expected a 19 month old to be able to understand and obey every command. I maybe expected to much out of the class or too much out of my daughter. But the most important thing is that she loves the class and has fun even with her mean old mom making her stay at her station.<br /><br />Dad is taking her next week. And hopefully the next one after that. Seriously...Mrs. Sarcasmhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07885255565039648722noreply@blogger.com2