This is My Reality...

absolutely....nothing...

2011-01-27T13:35:00.004-06:00

I got nothing. I am in a funny mojo slump. Here is my attempt at a post. Enjoy or don't. Your choice. Wow, for not having a period anymore, I sure am pms bitchy.

~~I feel like I wipe asses allll day. Mia has been pooping like 4-5 times a day and Maggie decided that potty training is more fun when she does great for a week then completely stops. We are looking into pre-school boarding schools. On the west coast. Of China.

~~I have never felt so disconnected to my husband. I don't even want to have wild crazy circus monkey sex anymore. I am that afraid of getting pregnant. Even with the Mirena IUD. I have three children and only one was "tried" for.

~~I wish I lived in a one bedroom apartment. Then maybe I could keep that space clean. Three bathrooms, three bedrooms, three "living areas" and a kitchen...hell to keep picked up(we won't even mention the word clean). No one will help. That doesn't help.

~~I am the rare female on the planet that refuses to drink diet soda. Yes, I could lose weight if I drank diet soda, however, I don't like it so why drink it. I drink more water then I ever have so I justify it that way. I am about to go all postal on the next waiter/waitress who brings me a refill and it is diet. I GET IT. I AM CHUBBY. DON'T ASSUME THAT MEANS I AM ON A DIET. Got it. Next time, the drink is going to be on your diet...and it won't enter through your mouth.

~~I cannot wait for my sister to have a baby. She is trying and damnit if it isn't happening fast enough. Ok, so maybe they just started. I WANT TO BE AN AUNT!!! I want to buy ridiculously ridiculous things for a little niece, nephew or sextuplets!! HAHA, just kidding, kinda. My sister in law has a son but he doesn't like anyone but his mom and won't give me a chance to be the fun aunt. He doesn't know what he is missing out on.

~~I LOVE breastfeeding my baby. Not in that way you sickos. I love that it is easy. Sad, I know. I should be saying it is the best for my baby, it is bonding with her, blah blah blah. It affords me a can of soda and I can; barely wake up, grab her, lay back in bed, flop a boob out, fall back asleep and wake up when my husband asks me if I am going to put that away or is it an invitation. That being said...I can't wait until I have my boobs and life back to myself. We went skiing this weekend sans babies. I was the debbie downer who kept having to go back to the resort/room to pump. I want to go out to lunch with the girls and not have to say no because I have to pump. I am sure in a few months I will be saying how much I miss boobie feeding Mia. Until then, I will feel slightly selfish. mkay.

~~That is all for now. This is what is consuming my world these days...seriously...

I rode the magic carpet like a champ...

2011-01-25T21:53:00.002-06:00

I am not ashamed to say that my 11 year old kicked my ass in winter sports this weekend. We went north to a ski resort and my 11 year old daughter put me in my place. That place was...the little kids, we are talking 3 and 4 year olds, magic carpet learning hill. It is the teeniest little hill that has not a ski lift but a moving walkway like they have in airports and Vegas. You just ~~struggle~~ get yourself to the beginning and it magically moves you to the top. GENIUS! I hung out there during a little kids lesson and just did what the instructors were telling the little kids to do, while nonchalantly doing it right along with the kids. He asked for a pizza slice, I gave him a pizza slice(to make you slow down and stop!). I even at one point asked if I did it right. The instructor, all of 16, looked at me like I was a moron. Opsies, I got carried away and wanted some credit damnit! But, you know what. It worked. I got enough ~~balls~~ courage to go down not only the bunny hill(which is more like a bobcat hill if you ask me...bunnies aren't supposed to make me scream "holy shit balls") but also the next level up! Yeah me. However, as much as I feel accomplished, my daughter kicked my ass. She has only ever skied for a total combined 5 hours in her life decided, eh skiing is so five minutes ago, lets try snowboarding. YIKES. However, thanks to my brothers, she was "boarding" with the best of them by the end of the day. Oh to be young again, have no fear and be closer to the ground so falling doesn't scare you quite as much!! Seriously...

I prefer my naps at Walgreens...don't you

2011-01-17T21:40:00.002-06:00

If anyone knows me, they will vouch that I REQUIRE a lot of sleep. I don't wear tired well, at all. On Saturday night into Sunday morning Mia decided that sleeping was for the birds. We partied like rock stars from about 12 midnight to when I finally passed her off to her dad, who was sleeping during the over night shift, at 5:30a.m. I crashed at 5:30, like slobber on the pillow crash. For whatever reason I was wide awake at 8:45a.m. and couldn't fall back to sleep. Note to self, take sleeping during overnight shift next time. We don't know for sure what Mia's problem was, she was not crabby but very restless. So, we played. Sunday afternoon, I was super crabby, so I ran some errands in town, alone. I hit 4 different stores in one hour and didn't want to go home because I knew I would have to do stuff...like parent. Have you ever seen this? I love my swagger wagon and did something in it that I am ashamed of and so proud of. I took a nap...in Walgreens parking lot. It was so peaceful. It was comfortable and yes I will do it again. It was perfect. No kids, no husband, and turned my phone on silent. Pure bliss. I remember the commercial where Mrs. Swagger Wagon was sleeping in hers and the husband ushered the daughter away, knowing "happy wife, happy life"!! I so get it. Seriously...

No booger can get past me...

2011-01-12T22:48:00.006-06:00

For reals. I cannot stand to see one of my little girls with a boogie in her nose. My 11 year old can retrieve her own so I do not have to worry about her. The little ones, they just walk around and lay around not caring at all that they have "bats in the cave". Me, it bothers the bejeepers out of me. To the point that when my husband sees a boogie before I do, he immediately tells Maggie to "go see your mom, you have a boogie". Maggie then comes right over and moves her lip down over her teeth so I can get a good look! I have her trained. I even tell her, if she isn't being so cooperative, that it is about to bite her and I NEED to get it out before it does. Then, she is still as a statue! Well, with Mia, it is not so easy. She strongly dislikes any sort of cotton square on her face. Be it a cloth diaper, wipe, boogie wipe, or sock(don't judge, sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures!), she will start the alligator death roll with her head and body....I kid you not. Tonight, Christmas came early. I got.....A NOSE TWEEZER FOR BABIES!!!! I laughed when I saw this on Amazon. But, I also secretly was jumping up and down. Someone else is obviously just as neurotic as I am!! They have the tiniest little end on them, just perfect for grabbing a boogie in a little bitty nose! Oh, and it may seem like a hard little boogie but they always have a stringer attached. My husband says they are attached to the brain, they are so long. Just so you know, we are a boogie free family. My poor girls...Seriously...

credit

I may suck at being a mom but she clearly doesn't...

2011-01-11T22:40:00.003-06:00

Monkey see monkey do. At least her babies don't get hungry in public. Her version of a bopi is a neck pillow for the car. Damn smart, that girl! Seriously...

Errr, maybe bull riding in her future?...

2011-01-11T22:01:00.002-06:00

I have never seen my sweet angel baby act like this before. It reminds me of a cat on catnip for some reason. Like if she could walk and run she would have a bucket on her head and be ramming said head and bucket into walls and peoples rear ends. Not what you visualized when you saw it. Hmm. Don't know what to tell you there. Except that maybe that is what happened when I tried a little cat nip back in the day. I kid. Maybe it reminds you of my wonderful husband if you have seen him after a few too many captain and dr. pepper's? Yes, that must be it! Good thing he doesn't read my blog!! But seriously...we are saying she gets this from his side of the family! ;) Our little secret! At my beautiful tubby baby girls expense...enjoy and you are welcome...Seriously...

I suck at being a mom sometimes...

2011-01-10T23:36:00.002-06:00

Like when I get a new phone and download Angry Birds to that said phone. I sat in "the chair" in our little girls room tonight for 45 mins. Not because I was waiting for the girls to fall asleep. Nope, I was busy playing the damn angry birds game. It. Has. Consumed. My. Being. Well, at least when I am not really needing to be productive. I could have done dishes, laundry, organizing the cabinets in our kitchen that have 326 things fall out when you open them. But I did not. Le sigh, this too shall pass. Likely soon as I am getting frustrated with how hard the levels continue to be. At least I fed the kids and got them ready for bed. That is how I roll these days!! Seriously...

Not ready yet...

2011-01-09T11:46:00.005-06:00

Here we are, Mia is 7 months old and I should probably get a grip and let her grow up. Here is what I have done/not done to prevent her from growing up. We are about 85% sure Mia is our last little miracle and I have had an exceptionally hard time swallowing that little pill. Yes, it is my decision(more so then the baby daddy!) and I wish I had the patience/time/money/sanity to have 21 babies. Here is how poor Mia Belle has lived the last 7 months...

~still in the bassinet portion of the pack n play...in our room. At the foot of the bed. at night only, she does nap in her crib....baby steps!

~just started baby food. she skipped all 1st foods due to mom prolonging it.

~does NOT like to be put down for very long. may be due to me holding her, thinking, she is the last baby and I want to enjoy every second of it!

~still nursing, even though I have thought my milk supply is too low for her. if you have seen her, she is doing just fine! ;)

~she did not like being on her belly so she may start crawling when I enroll her in kindergarten...since crawling and I am pretty sure walking require her to spend time out of moms arms!

~she still takes grocery cart rides in her car seat, even though she can sit up fine in the cart. she seems like a big girl sitting there, so therefore she will continue to ride in the car seat in the basket!

Here she is only the second time sleeping on her tummy...again, not ready. me, not her

As you can see, I may need help; professional help. This stage does not last long enough. I would gladly take the needy infant stage for 5 years as opposed to the needy teen years any day!! I understand that babies must grow up but gosh darn it, I don't have to like it!! Seriously...

Mom and her Mia Belle at the beach. Can you see why now...seriously...

xmas 2010

2010-12-08T13:25:00.002-06:00

With Love Chartreuse Christmas Card

Shop Shutterfly.com for elegant Christmas photo cards.

View the entire collection of cards.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE Shutterfly!! I have made numerous photo books, two baby announcements and lots of prints from this wonderful website! Clearly, you should too! They seriously have the best variety and very modern designs! I get so excited when I see those colorful little bubbles come to my doorsteps!! Thanks Shutterfly, you have done it again! Seriously...

Men are mentally disabled...

2010-10-29T17:52:00.004-05:00

Ok, this is a husband bashing post. If you do not care to hear the rest of this, please click the x!! I am writing this post with the utmost respect and love for the man I married. He, like myself, is far from perfect. I get that. However, this is America, Land of the Free, and I can say whatever the hell I want to. So here the story goes...

Our beautiful 2 year old is refusing naps. Completely. With every ounce of her being. This is not ok for her momma. Momma needs her to nap. Not because I want the alone time. She NEEDS the nap. I call my husband, who is farming, to tell him that a certain 2 year old is coming to ride with him. I tried for 2 and a half hours to get her to nap. I needed a break as did she. He says I will be home in an hour. Perfect, our 11 year old has a school dance tonight and I am taking three girls. He can take them. Along with said 2 year old. He gets home and informs me that he is taking the trailblazer so no room for 2 year old. I cry. I say ,take the van. He says he is going to see if the tire place is open so he can get the tires rotated on trailblazer. I cry harder. Seriously, what planet is he on that he does not understand simple communication. I CLEARLY expressed that I needed a break. He then calls me and tells me that he is going to stop by his sisters house to say hi since we were invited to go carve pumpkins tonight. I say LIKE HELL YOU ARE!!! I think he finally got the hint. Although, I say that and I am sure he will say something equally stupid before I go to bed. Calgon, take me away! Seriously...

The only thing that keeps me from going insane is this! Enjoy and you're welcome!

Someday...

2010-09-30T14:59:00.002-05:00

I will get sleep, have a clean house, have friends that aren't my daughters friends' parents. Someday I will be able to go to the post office without burning 200 calories trying to get the double stroller out of the van, loaded, kids buckled and then get inside to realize I forgot my package to be mailed...at home. Someday, my cabinets won't have locks on them that I can't get open but my two year old can. Someday I will stop buying cute "couldn't pass up something this cute that is handmade" things on ETSY that has my husband wondering if we had our identity stolen and someone is spending our money at an alarming rate. Someday my preteens defiance, stubbornness and strong will will make sense. Someday I will have free time at night, my house will be quiet and clean and empty. I don't want that someday to ever be here. As much as life has been super crazy, I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. However, that being said, my Uncle Pat, who is amazing, told me once that having children is like being pecked to death by chickens. I couldn't agree more! Good thing I like chicken and eggs! Seriously...

Does hazard pay come with my 2 year old...

2010-09-03T10:00:00.002-05:00

I have 13, visible to me, bruises. I could tell you all that I got into a wicked bar fight with Paris and Lindsay since we were spotted at Les Duex wearing the same outfit, which I clearly rocked out better then them being I don't have the cocaine problem. But sadly, that is not how I got them. I am going to blame my never stop for a second, aggressive, full of energy 2 year old. I am almost positive that she has her gooey, slobbery fingerprints allllll over them. Well except for that one I got when I ran into the counter at Office Depot, and yes you pimply faced college student, I heard you choke on your own saliva laughing at me. Good thing I thought it was pretty funny too or I would have kicked your ass, see above, I am not one to mess with! ;) Back to the destroyer or better known as Maggie. This is what we have experienced in the last week.

~~Finger nail polish on 30% of her body and on a 3 inch section of my bedroom carpet...finger nail polish remover DOES NOT remove finger nail polish from carpet...FYI!

~~A hole in the wall....no idea what happened. She says "I bonked my head" and "I bit my tongue"...all while I was in the shower, seriously maybe 8 minutes

~~Half a bottle of hand sanitizer was expertly rubbed in like lotion on all exposed skin...thankfully not from the neck up....and maybe we will get past this cold bug we have now that she is so "sanitized"

~~I may have a black eye as a result of a very eager 2 year old excitedly "giving" me a book for us to read. Clearly, I need to pay more attention to her demands.

~~Her new phrases are "Oh my Jesus", "GGGOOOOSSSSHHHH"(sounds just like I typed it), "God Damnit", "but Mia wants it" when she gets something that she knows she can't have.

Seriously, I am exhausted, feel defeated and think I may need hazard pay to continue to raise Maggie. Seriously...

Is this how I will be famous...

2010-08-17T21:28:00.003-05:00

I am pretty sure I am going to be making headline news tomorrow. I am going to be the first person to have their head actually explode from sinus pressure. As much as I would like to be famous, have to have my hair and make up done every time I leave the house just in case the paparazzi are hiding in my...errr, grass?!, I don't want it to be because my head exploded. Because then I won't really be photograph ready, now will I? And it would be really messy. And I don't want to have to clean it up. Because I know my family won't. Seriously...

*EDIT* I can't believe I am about to say this. I think I would like to go to work when I am sick. It is easier then dealing with my sick 2 year old, healthy and chunky and eating all the time 10 week old, and sassy, up my hiney all the time 11 year old. Plus, I get paid. Seriously...

Temper Tantrums oh my.....

2010-08-11T23:08:00.002-05:00

We are officially in the terrible twos. She was actually in the terrible twos starting about 6 months ago, maybe longer! But today, full blown laying on the ground, kicking, fist banging, crying just to cry, tantrum!! Yep, that is just how she rolls. I love her and her tantrums. I guess I will love going to work on Monday and Tuesdays even more now! As long as she saves all her goodness for the Grandmas that are graciously watching the girls while I go back to work, she can throw them all she wants for me! I can't afford to lose my wonderful sitters. How do they know to be good for others and be their "true" selves for us moms and dads!?Seriously...

What a looooong weekend...

2010-08-02T13:41:00.003-05:00

I am not a party planner, at all! I procrastinate with the best of them and then freak out when it is crunch time. Thankfully I have the best mom in the world and she saved me this weekend. It was my sister's wedding shower. I will give you a lil background on what I am working with. My sister stated when she was a teenager that her goal in life was to be a snob. I personally think she is too personable and nice to be a snob but she has managed to be, oh, shall I say, high maintenance! ~~Bridezilla~~Tanya loves all things name brand. Me, I shop at Target and Old Navy. I do love when she brings me things to wear though! Banana Republic is not an area where they grow banana's but a nice, albeit expensive, clothing store! So, I tried to give her the best shower as she always goes above and beyond for everyone. I hope I succeeded. It was fun and stressful but thankfully it is over. I grew grass for her, made cinnamon shakers, had her favorite candies, moved couches and the biggest thing I did was clean my house for her. Well actually only the first floor! I did it because I love her and even if we live completely different lifestyles, have different taste and don't always see eye to eye, she is my sister and I wouldn't trade her for anyone else! Ok, maybe Jennifer Aniston, but only for a day! Seriously...

So I am a Liar...

2010-07-26T14:46:00.002-05:00

Yep, I guess you are all thinking I am a big fat liar. Well back off, I just had a baby. Oh wait, I was focusing on the big fat part of that statement! Clearly, I am a tad bit sensitive on that issue. I know, not great. Well since we live in the country, modern technology is not so easy. We have been without internet for almost 5 days now. I am at my moms house to check my email and pawn hyper soon to be two year old off on my brother. How am I surviving without the internet you may ask? Check out the picture from my last blog, you will see how! As Logical Libby said...I am too busy "nom noming" her cheeks!!! I will be back soon...Seriously...

This is why I have been gone, I know, beautiful....

2010-07-21T22:58:00.003-05:00

I have been slightly pre-occupied by this lil cutie pie. She is my sugar bear, my sunshine, my everything. She is the child God knew I needed. She is content, calm, happy, easy...I could go on and on!! She loves her momma too, and I wouldn't change that for anything. Here are a few one-liners from our family convo's!!

Maggie on seeing me feed Mia for the first time.
~~"Mia eatin boobies?" , "yes Maggie, Mia gets milk from mom's boobies" About an hour later, EJ comes home and she runs to tell him "Mia eatin boobies!!!" Seriously, can she get any cuter!

EJ says and I quote "I sure wish someone would wake me up by putting boobs in my face" when I was trying to get Mia to eat after she fell asleep right after she started eating.

Maggie wanted to help me feed Mia, so she rests her hand on my boob and watches cartoons.

Maggie helping the boys put together our brand new playground in the backyard~~"God damn it"....hmmm wonder where she gets that from.

Makayla has a cell phone, against my better wishes. It has proven to be more of a pain in the ass then she was begging for it!

It seems that all of a sudden, since June 1st, EJ has miraculously started sleeping sooo soundly at night that he doesn't hear a damn thing. Ironic!

I will have to fill you in on all the other fun stuff that is happening around here next time. I promise to be back, maybe not everyday! I miss my stress release that blogging gives me. Seriously...

"blow me mom"...

2010-05-16T16:03:00.002-05:00

Maggie had a bad diaper rash a couple months ago. You know the kind, raw and produces a hyperventilation type reaction from her. Well after I put medicine on it and she still was crying without breathing I blew on it to cool it down. It helped. Now, she says "blow" after begging for medicine when we change her diaper. Clearly she is a little weird. Friday while changing her, she said "blow me mom". Really, did my 21 month old just say blow me? I can't wait until she is being changed by the sitter/Grandpa/Grandma/anyone other then myself or her dad and have her say "blow me"!!! Seriously...

A shopping cart kicked my ass today....

2010-05-08T18:45:00.005-05:00

Actually, 2 shopping carts kicked my ass. I have been in dire need to go grocery shopping. I despise grocery shopping with my youngest daughter. So, logically, I have put it off until there was absolutely nothing for her to eat for breakfast this a.m.. She had some Goldfish crackers and a juice. Really, I just admitted it. She got up really early this morning but it was only 10 a.m. so I thought she could handle the trip. We tried yesterday but didn't even make it out of the car. I knew better. Today, we made it into the store. That is when she spotted "Sandi the horse" that she has NEVER even been on before. All she did was scream "I ride the horse, I ride the horse" and kick me as I am trying to hold onto her. I told her no and tried putting her in the cart. And tried again, and again, and again. It literally took me probably 30 attempts at putting her into the damn cart before I was able to get her damn feet into the squares and get her legs to bend at the same time(seriously, I am 9 months pregnant and not one person stopped to see if I could use some help...). Clearly, the shopping carts were invented by a man with no kids. After all that, the f*ing seat belt didn't latch, and Maggie needs to be strapped in! So, I take a deep breathe, try to find a cart that the seat belt latches and grab her out of the cart. BIG MISTAKE. This cart's belt did indeed buckle, however, the little plastic seat that kids bottoms sit on, well that wouldn't stay down. So I make a few attempts at getting her into the cart and the plastic part keeps flipping up, covering the feet holes. I feel like a complete failure. I have tears streaming down my face and can't breathe. Maggie is screaming the whole time. I grab her and walk out. We didn't even make it past the carts. I got to the van and literally sobbed and cried like I haven't cried in a loooong time. I threw in the towel and decided we could survive with another meal of goldfish and juice. Who needs milk, eggs, bread, breakfast food, lunch food, dinner food...etc. We still have leftover Easter candy. I think there may even be an old Smart One's meal we could share. A little freezor burn never hurt anyone, did it? Seriously...

Has it been that long really?...

2010-05-06T21:20:00.002-05:00

Sooooo, how is everyone? It has been awhile, no? Well I am now 36 weeks pregnant! Having some contractions, the Doctor says she will take me anytime this baby wants to come! Scary. This pregnancy has gone by sooo fast. I can't believe how fast it goes when you want it to go slow. I don't think I am quite ready for a lil precious newborn who doesn't like sleeping at night. Since Maggie isn't even 2 yet, my days will be filled with handling her and not a lot of time for "sleeping when the baby sleeps"! Did I mention before in my posts that Maggie can be a handful. That is an understatement by the way. Makayla is wonderful with helping, however she is needy in her own ways. She wants everything to be equal. That is driving me more crazy then Maggie climbing onto the bar at the sitters and handing out beer glassed to the other kids. This would be a good time to mention they were sleeping and she just threw them into the pack-n-plays! I love her spunk. Makayla has a heart of gold but she is sooooo sensitive. How did I end up with such different personalities in my kids. Can't wait to see how this lil peanut turns out! Hopefully a good mix. I am hoping to get back on the blogging bandwagon. You know, just in time to have a baby. Wish me luck, Lord knows I need it! Seriously...

A letter to my forgotten best friend...

2010-03-25T09:13:00.002-05:00

Dear Advil~

I cannot explain to you how I have missed you so much. Only 72 more days to go and we will be reunited and it will feel SO good! I plan on taking you to the hospital with me and taking you as soon as baby Kelley enters this world. If I only have you by my side, I will be a happy girl. Since my husband was left dumbfounded by the whole birthing process last time, you actually may be more support then he was! You will hold my hand and tell me it will be ok, won't you. You will tell me that you can't imagine the kind of pain I must be in and ask me if I am some kind of superhero...even after I have the epidural. You will tell me that I can get through the labor and delivery because you will be there waiting for me after it is over. While everyone is looking at the beautiful baby, I will be ~~begging~~ asking for a fountain Dr. Pepper so I can take FOUR of my bestest friends in the whole wide world! Oh, Advil, I have called out for you so many times and respected your ability to stay away when I needed you so much. Like last night, you were searched for and no where to be found...thank goodness or I would have taken you! My baby thanks for you being "lost". Of all the things that pregnancy has restricted me from, you are by far the hardest to handle. Don't you worry, little green liquid filled wonderfulness. You will be joining me daily come June. I can't wait to have our relationship back. I will make a promise to you...that there are no more 9 month periods where we are forced to stay apart. I know it is just as hard on you(the company's stock plummeted when I stopped taking you...for that I will make it up to you.). Just know I think about you several times a day and you will never be replaced permanently. Tylenol doesn't do shit for me. You are truly a girls best friend!! Seriously...

Another feel sorry for me post...

2010-03-16T22:09:00.003-05:00

This week has been ridiculous. This is a post about my 10 year old going on 18 year old baby girl. This past Friday, she had "the talk" at school. You know the one. Where they take all the boys out to play kickball and the girls have to watch a movie about a mom and daughter talking about getting periods. The one I saw had a mom making pancakes in the shape of a woman's reproductive organs. I don't think I ate pancakes for years after that. Makayla's traumatizing moment was when they demonstrated how to insert a tampon on a mannequin. She said that she is NOT going to get her period and she is NOT going to put "that thing" "there". Amen sista. If only we could control that!

She also has junior high school cheerleading tryouts this week. Insert me anxiously sighing and heart racing! I am not ready for this. I don't think she is ready either. Or maybe it is just me and my insecurities that make it seem she is not ready. Ok, it is completely me! I will have a newborn, a toddler and a junior high school student in only a couple months! Breathe, breathe, breathe.

She still offers some moments that just make us laugh. You know when she isn't being sassy and talking back. When I picked her up last night, she was talking to a girl. I asked if she just met her that day. Here is our convo...
Her: Mom, that is Madison M
Me: Who is that
Her: From my class at school
Me: (I am not racist. We go to a very small school and there is only one class per grade. I simply thought I knew all the kids in her class.) The black girl?
Her: (Looking at me like she is disgusted with what I just said) You mean chocolate (said with an attitude)

I love that she thinks of skin color as a flavor. Not sure if that is "right" but for right now, I think it is perfect!

As soon as my precious baby is here, I am going to start drinking wine....heavily. Seriously...

I. Was. Wrong.

2010-03-08T20:58:00.003-06:00

Did you feel the earth rumble when I typed those words out? Yes, that is me admitting I was wrong. I even apologized! It all started last Monday night when my husband and I fought over who was going to take Magdelicious to parent/tot class at the gym KayKay cheers for. We were actually fighting because we both wanted to take her. So I let him win and take her. I figured he is going to be in the field soon and I will welcome the help!

It took everything I had to stay in the parents viewing area and not go switch places with him. He was sweating and I didn't understand why. He was simply moving the lil one from station to station. He also let her run off and didn't try to get her back to her station. I guess I am more of a control freak then I thought. So I made fun of him and grilled him on why he was sweating, why he didn't have more control over her and why he didn't make her do more. I will take this time to remind you that she just turned 19 months last week.

Well, today I ate my words and took back everything I said to him last week. I attended lil M's class with her and it was the longest 35 minutes ever. Oh and her class is 45 minutes long, EJ finished the last 10 minutes with her. Yes, I tagged him in when I couldn't hold my need to pee any longer. And I didn't go back! Magdelicious has a mind of her own, very strong willed. She tested my patience and then some. KayKay had her cheerleading practice at the same time and that didn't help with keeping lil M's attention on her own class. I was more frustrated that the teacher expected a 19 month old to be able to understand and obey every command. I maybe expected to much out of the class or too much out of my daughter. But the most important thing is that she loves the class and has fun even with her mean old mom making her stay at her station.

Dad is taking her next week. And hopefully the next one after that. Seriously...

Lesson learned...don't use your dentures as a weapon!

2010-03-02T21:02:00.003-06:00

A gentleman(term used loosely) came into the office yesterday and asked Dr. Wonderful if he could fix his denture. Dr. W looked at them and told him he could. He tried explaining how his top denture could have cracked like it did, giving him all the scenarios. Well the guy stopped him and said "oh no, I took them out and threw them at her(pointing to the woman with him) and she stepped on them". I swear to you, word for word that is what he said. The woman, just smiled. Dr. W told him it would take him a couple hours to get them fixed and asked if they could come back later for them. He said that wouldn't be a problem. He had to go to court and that would take a while. Really folks, that was the highlight of my day! I giggled all day thinking of how that scene must have played out! Seriously...

My husband....thank God he is hot...

2010-02-27T13:10:00.003-06:00

I LOVE my husband more then anything on this planet(before I get yelled at, my kids are numero uno, but it is a different kind of love...no rude remarks please). Some days are easier then others. Wednesday was a tough day. Actually, we have been in a bit of a slump. I am tired, he doesn't do enough to help, blah blah blah. So he went to the grocery store for me on Wed. afternoon. I went to actually make breakfast this a.m. and do you know what my choices were. Cereal. Yep, that is it. That is what we have almost every week day. I wanted more this a.m. But don't you guys worry, he did manage to get:

a pork roast
a regular roast
chicken breasts
5 pounds of hamburger
hotdogs
milk
bag of chips
apples
oranges
chicken noodle soup

That about sums it up. So we have enough protein we need for the next month but what shall we have with it and for other meals, like breakfast. Hmmm. Not sure. I think I may need to go to the store. I guess I should feel honored that he tried to take on the shopping. Maybe next time he could just watch the girls while I go. Seriously...

Holy time loss batman...where have I been

2010-02-25T22:01:00.002-06:00

I cannot believe that it has been so long since I have posted. Plenty has happened to post about, there just hasn't been enough time in a day to do it. So with that said, I am sooo tired that I am going to just give you some random thoughts by me. Enjoy...

~If you are 32 and decent looking but only have 5 functioning teeth left, don't give us a hard time that your dentures are too pink in the gums. Really, you didn't want to brush, take care of your teeth and now you think the gums of your denture are too pink for your ethnicity. Wow, that is all I have to say. Where was all that concern for your appearance about 20 years ago.

~The turkeys are still harassing us. They chased Makayla from the bus stop back up to the house two mornings ago. She came back inside out of breath and on the verge of tears saying "the turkeys are chasing me". Seriously, even getting free chicken eggs from the turkey's dad, I am thinking we may have to shoot the turkeys and start buying eggs again. Not worth it. Although, Maggie loves watching the turkeys when they are on our front porch. They are ruthless...maybe that is why Maggie feels so connected to them! :)

~Raising a 10 year old is challenging. Raising a 10 year old and an 18 month old while 6 months pregnant is down right insane. Two completely different stages of life and being exhausted from being pregnant makes for some rough nights. Enough said.

~When will my husband get so sick of the house being in the state it is and agree to hire a cleaning fairy? Seriously, my plan isn't working and the house looking like this is driving me crazy!! What will it take?

~Giving your children everything they want is not giving them everything they need. Restraint is good and wanting is even better. More kids need to feel how "wanting" feels.

~To those who say nothing tastes better then skinny feels clearly has never had a Dr. Pepper and french fries from McDonalds.

~Watching your girls have the time of there life at an indoor water park can make even the heaviest of people want to say "screw what people think" and get in the water with them. I am sorry that I let my fear of what others think take over and missed out on some good memories with my girls. I will make it up to them...as soon as next month! Oh and I will be even bigger then :)

Seriously...

A mouse tried to hump my leg...

2010-02-08T19:57:00.003-06:00

Ok, so maybe not full on humperoo but still very close. On my way home from work tonight, I spied with my little eye something black running across the passenger floor mat. I thought "for sure that wasn't a mouse". I tried to focus on the snow covered road while going a measly 55 mph. Oh shit, there it goes again. Damn it, it was a mouse. So how do I get the rest of the way home with a mouse up in the front of my NEW van without crashing. I called my husband and told him he had to come get me and drive the van home. He said no. He told me to make some noise with my left foot and the mouse would stay away. He told me that a mouse was not worth crashing over. Clearly he had never thought about a mouse scurrying up his leg while driving in blizzard like conditions(ok so it was just snowing and a little icy). So he hung up on me and told me to stop being a baby. I tried to keep my left foot moving so whiskers would stay away from me. It turned out that my "noise" I was making was a mating call for the lil bastard. I have to admit that it sounded like a mouse but I thought he might think it was a bigger mouse that would beat him up. Nope, he showed his ugly little head again. I did make it home without him humping my leg but only because I cursed loudly at him and was swerving like a maniac. he probably got car sick. My husband saved the day by putting a mouse trap in the van and caught him within 15 minutes of getting home. Dumb ass mouse! Seriously...

I'm worth it damn it....

2010-02-03T20:08:00.004-06:00

I got hired almost 4 months ago working with the best dentist ever. I took a slight pay cut but figured it would be worth it to work for him. I was soooo right. There are so many days that I think it would be so much easier to be a SAHM...only because we have had a rough winter with illness and I am the only one who does my job at work so I am kind of a big deal, er I mean I have to be there! Most days though I so enjoy going to work. Dr. Wonderful is so easy to work with and very entertaining. Anywhos, I am getting off my point. The last dentist I worked for was having an affair with his main assistant which left me and another assistant to feel like we were lower then poop. I have been an assistant for over 13 years and I started to doubt my worth. Well today something happened that I am guessing doesn't happen every day. I met the girl that I won the job over. Being pregnant with my third, I am going down to two days a week. Just enough to get out of the house without feeling like I am overwhelmed and not feeling like I can give my best to everything. So, they hired the girl that was next in line for my job. And. Guess what. She is awesome. She is beautiful, experienced, skinny(bitch), and has a great personality. I could totally see us being friends. We have like 29843 things in common and we talked for about 25 minutes and could have gone on for like 3 hours without that awkward silence. I am actually kind of sad that we won't work together being that we are sharing a full time position. So it got me thinking. Maybe I am uber cool. Maybe I am good. Maybe I am funny, talented, beautiful, skinny(ok, fat chance...get it...fat chance!). I mean they picked me over her. And I had my review and they said they loved me and I am awesome and I got a HUGE raise. Yeah me. I'm good enough, I am smart enough and damn it people like me! Seriously...

Damn good Chicago driver...

2010-01-30T20:44:00.002-06:00

I AM a damn good Chicago driver if I do say so myself. I can weave in and out of traffic, in a mini van mind you, with the best of them. All while going 95 mph. It drives my husband insane but oh well. We just got back from the "burbs" for a cheer competition, which the girls placed 4th(out of 10) and did WONDERFUL. Maggie was her usual defiant, stubborn self. But boy did she look too cute to care/yell at. I did not get a picture of her full on outfit because I was too busy trying to keep her from sliding down the 6 inch gap at the top of the bleachers. She threw her monkey paci down there and someone was nice enough to offer to throw it back and I think she thought if she went down, she would get a wild ride back up!

Just thought I would share with you all a little conversation I had with my 10 year old, innocent daughter. If only she would stay that way forever.

Makayla~ "We talked about Michael Phelps today and that stuff he got caught with."
Me~ *thinking, not saying out loud* did he get caught with grass again, dumbass. I say" what did he get caught with"
Makayla~ "He got caught with something called" *and I quote* "Mar-a-weenie"
Me~ insert laughing hysterically until I pee myself a little, snort and possibly hyperventilate. "do you mean marijuana?"
Makayla~ yeah, that stuff.

Clearly I know she hasn't started hitting the wacky tobacky yet and I shouldn't have corrected her. I should have let her friends correct her and then I would be guaranteed that she would not touch the stuff!!! Seriously...

Who gives a 10 year old with the flu food...

2010-01-25T20:02:00.004-06:00

That would be my husband. Bless his heart. I have had the flu enough times in my life that I know that as thirsty as you feel, it feels worse coming up. My husband stayed home with the girls today since Makayla was sick. He gave her water, Sprite, toast(like half a loaf!), apple sauce and asked if she wanted pizza tonight. I can kinda understand the water and toast...if she wasn't still throwing up. When I talked to him about why he was giving her all that he said "to make her feel better". I then asked "when was the last time you had the stomach flu" he responded by saying "I can't remember the last time but when I am hungover lots of water and food makes me feel better". I said "really, are you serious". I can't believe he was treating our daughter like she had drank too much!!! I told him that being hungover is not like having the stomach flu. At least not for us. Thankfully, she declined the pizza. When he asked, she threw up. Poor girl. Can't catch a break! Seriously....

Hollywood disaster and my husbands future wife...

2010-01-18T20:43:00.007-06:00

Credit

While watching the ever boring Golden Globes last night I have two observations I would like to comment on.

1~ I do not like Chloe Sevigny. I never have really. Last night she did it in for me. She won an award, made it to the stage, was helped up by a gentleman whose job it was to escort her up the stairs and then threw a hissy fit because he stepped and ripped her dress. Maybe it was how she interrupted her thank you speech to say "I can't believe you just ripped my dress". Listen her chica. That dress was probably free so you could say the designers name when the 6387 people with cameras and mics asked you who you were wearing. If it was not free you clearly aren't hurting to pay for it. You also chose to wear a dress with a flowy train thingy and he was being a gentleman by helping you. I am pretty sure he wasn't praying you would win the award so he could rip your dress. Get over yourself. Oh and btw...a disaster is not a ripped dress at the Golden Globes. A disaster is what is going on in Haiti. Again...get over yourself.

Credit

2~ My husband was giving permission to marry Jennifer Aniston last night by myself. The only stipulation I have is that when he gets the kids for the mandatory every other weekend/Wed. night daddy time, I come with. And Jen must be present for all such visits! And must treat me like her best friend. And he is mine again when she is filming movies. He didn't seem as appreciative as I thought he would be. Maybe it was because I told him I liked the name Tyler for a boy...if we have a boy....and he said "why, because that is your rock star boyfriends last name". Hadn't even dawned on me that my future famous husbands last name is Tyler(Steven Tyler...duh!!)!!! That makes me want to use it even more!! I believe he told me to start living in this world and leave the fantasy world. Seriously...

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Some days are better in bed...

2010-01-13T20:52:00.002-06:00

Today would be that day. I was tired from the moment I woke up. Not good. Then we had an extremely busy day at work. Felt like I couldn't catch up.

As I was pulling out of the sitters drive way after picking up Maggie, she screeched like I have never heard before. It made me scream and jump and almost wreck the van. I looked back and she was giggling and said "scare me". I said "yes, you scared me". She then proceeded to continue scaring me all the way home. It was a long drive and I needed a whole bottle of Advil when I got home.

When I did make it home, Makayla tells me that she was locked out of the house after school. Opssiee. I let Murphy in this a.m. and I must have locked the wrong lock on the door. She was unable to put the code in and get in because I locked the lower lock as well. It turns out that maybe she had a good point at needing a cell phone at the age of 10. She walked to the neighbors house but ran all the way back home as the DAMN turkeys that we all know I love so much started running after her. Luckily, she was able to catch the mailman(we know the mailman) as he was delivering the mail to our house and used his phone to call her dad. I FEEL LIKE THE WORST MOM IN THE WORLD! Luckily her dad came home and got her. I still can't believe that I locked her out of the house. Don't worry, she wouldn't let me forget it tonite. All night she kept saying things like "the turkeys came out of now where" "I had to pee really bad but thought my legs would freeze if I tried to go outside" "I walked around the house lots of times because it helped me stay warm". Only thirteen days into the year and I have lost my hope of winning Mom of the Year!!!! I bet the new baby will be at least a month overdue knowing what kind of mom he/she is getting!

And the night ended nicely when we went out to dinner at Chinese joint here in town and a staff member "farmer blew" right into the garbage can next to our table. Clearly, it made my day. Who does that!!!! I had a pregnancy hankerin for some Chinese, not a Chinese man clearing his sinus'. Seriously...

I think Maggie is more composed these days then me...

2010-01-11T20:45:00.002-06:00

Pregnancy hormones suck! Plain and simple. Yesterday was Makayla's first competition of the season. I have been slacking as a cheer mom lately and not going in to watch the end of practice like I have in the past. Well, yesterday was the first time I saw the whole routine with stunts and tumbling. WOW. I cannot tell you how far Makayla has come since we started three years ago. She had two round off flip flops and one standing back flip in the routine. Not once did she land on her knees!! She is the oldest on her squad that competes and so she stands out as the tallest. I was soooo proud of her. She and the rest of the team were amazing. So, I am not super familiar with the new moms of the group yet. All but two from the team last year left so all the moms are fairly new. I had tears brewing something fierce watching them compete. Not being comfortable with the new moms and plus trying to explain to my husband why I was crying kept me from full on sobbing. After they competed, EJ took Maggie out to the van to watch a movie and I waited in the stands for Makayla. I saw her and she was so proud of herself for getting her tumbling that I just started sobbing. I blame the pregnancy hormones. I couldn't even talk. I just kept saying how proud I was of her. She of course started crying because she is Miss Sensitive and cries at the drop of a hat and carries the weight of the world on her shoulders. Everyone was concerned for Makayla thinking something must have happened. I tried to explain to people that I was just super emotional and I made Makayla cry. Poor Makayla. But, I have to say that maybe I should be willing to express how proud I am of her more often. She has commented like 298 times how she can't believe I cried because she did so good. I think it is a moment that she will never forget. I know I won't!! Yes, I am crying right now typing this. Pathetic!! Seriously...

Naked hiney and my boobs got stuck...

2010-01-08T20:37:00.002-06:00

That is what my day added up to. Here are the two scenarios. Enjoy and you are welcome.

1~I was trying to find a "cute" shirt that I could wear that was light weight and not maternity to wear to my baby dr appt. I try to wear the least amount of clothing as possible for my monthly weigh in. So I have this cute Ann Taylor Loft shirt that I am convinced will still fit. I put it on, which was a little bit of a struggle, as it is not cotton so no stretch. It looks decent enough but while I was struggling to get it on all of my deodorant is all over the front. I decided that I would try a different shirt because of how much deodorant is covering the front of shirt A. Well, it wasn't as easy as it seems. I kinda got stuck trying to get the shirt over my super huge boobies. I had my arms and boobs stuck in the shirt. I COULD NOT get out of it. And to make it worse, Maggie decided mom needed to be tickled under her arms like I always do to her when I take her shirt off. Yeah, that wasn't fun. I was literally scared that I would be stuck like this until EJ got home. Between laughing and crying I must have pulled a Cris Angel and got myself out. If only I had he video camera on while this was going on.

2~I am at the Dr's and I tell the nurse that I am having a few Braxton Hicks contractions and is that normal. She says no and tells me to get undressed from the waist down and she will check me to be safe. Not what I want to hear but thankfully I shaved!! So I am undressed with the lovely 1ply napkin across my lap when I realized that Maggie was not strapped into her stroller and was ever so slowly creeping her way out. I thought of what could happen if I ignore it and let her go. I decide that for everyones sake that I will strap her in. Well just as I am bending over to strap her in, my "napkin" falls and the door swings open and the curtain is pulled back. With my ass pointed right at the door...so everyone in the office can see. Yeah, great timing. Well the Dr apologized and asked why I was undressed from the waist down, with a giggle. I told her that the nurse told me to because of the contractions. The nurse didn't mention that to her. Oppssiee. Not how I wanted to start the appointment! Baby is doing good, heart rate is 145/149. Sitting right on the fence of boy/girl. This one is going to throw us for a loop!! Seriously...

You know you are old when...

2010-01-07T20:09:00.003-06:00

You are praying the kids have school and don't have a snow day. I am off tomorrow and I was told not to come to work today due to bad weather. My oldest had a snow day. I had a headache all day long and wished I had gone to work. God, I am old. Oh and it didn't help that my husband got three calls between 3:30 and 4:00 a.m. about plowing. SO...I have been up since 3:30 because once you wake a pregnant woman up she is UP(besides the 32 times I get up to pee. I think I am asleep for all that, I have that mastered...I don't even open my eyes!)! Damn snow. I AM going to my baby doctor appt tomorrow. No. Matter. What!!! That's all. Seriously...

My daughter is that kid...

2010-01-06T17:29:00.003-06:00

Yep, she is the kid who takes off there diaper and gets poop everywhere. I partly blame the sitter. Maggie stripped down to her onesie sometime this morning. Then at nap time she must have done that again only she tried to pull her diaper off without getting her onesie undone. So, I blame the sitter of knowing that she was capable of taking off her clothes. And she poops everyday at nap time. But in all reality, Maggie is just one big STINKER and is capable of all kinds of things she shouldn't do. That is why we love her so much and are always on our toes. Please don't let us be this "lucky" with the next one. I am not sure having too "spirited" kids will help me with my patience problem. Calm, like there dad, would be nice. I of course think I am a wicked cool person but maybe having all of my kids with my personality is going overboard!!Seriously...

2010 off to a fantabulous start...

2010-01-04T20:46:00.003-06:00

Wow. What a whirlwind we just got off of. Christmas, New Years, my sister and future brother in law here for 10 days. Lots of family time, lots of food, good times and lots of good memories. I can't believe that 2010 is here, whether we want it to be or not. Well being that it is only the 4th day of the year, I have a feeling it is going to be a doozy.

Makayla is sassier then ever, sporting a gigantic chip on her shoulder we have nicknamed "attitude". My wonderful husband asked her to take some glasses downstairs and she started to stack them. He said "take two trips so you don't break them". She responded with "if you don't want them to break, take them yourself". Yes, that is how my 10 year old is talking to us lately. I currently have a long list of boarding schools on my google history.

Maggie is just as much of a spitfire as her older sister. Holy cow is she HIGH energy. Even having a cold, she is go go go go go. Her newest trick is pretending she has an ouchie and having us "fawn" over her and kiss whatever she has "hurt". Well, last night she came up to me and said ouchie and showed me her finger. Without even paying attention, I kissed it. I was distracted by the conversation I was having with my husband. I swear to you after I kissed it, she giggled. Then I realized her hand and finger were all wet. I said "why is Maggie's hand all wet". My husband said without even thinking about what he was about to say..."she just came out of the bathroom". Ewwwwww. I just kissed her hand and it had just been in the toilet. Sure enough when I went in to the bathroom, there was toilet paper in the toilet. That seems to be her new thing. She has shown some interest in potty training so we are just casually entertaining the thought. Well, I guess we need to spend some more time on toilet etiquette. Like hands don't go in the water!!

Oh what fun this year has in store for us. I am thinking the newest member may be a little quieter then his/her sisters. I am feeling some movement but not a ton like the girls. I hope that means we are going to have a laid back lil one. With the girls we have, I need it!! Seriously...

Mom jeans can be sexy...right?

2009-12-21T21:13:00.002-06:00

I am an official soccer mom. Except that I don't have a soccer player to cart around in my new mini van. I have a cheerleader and a toddler and a baby on the way. I never thought I would say this and I was soooo reluctant to get on but...I LOVE MY MINI VAN!!! If it means I am uncool, then I am happy to be uncool. How did I survive without this hunk of metal before! And the best part is I have a moon roof still. Yeah me! Just you wait and see. Maybe I will get a pair of mom jeans for Christmas!! I cannot wait to drive myself and a car full of kids around and get groceries. All without having to plan ahead and take the stroller out of the back! Oh the simple things in life. I am one happy hormonal gal...at the moment. Seriously...

The Vikings Suck...

2009-12-20T22:03:00.001-06:00

The Minnesota Vikings Suck big brown footballs. What the hell has happened to them the last couple weeks. Clearly Brett Favre is pulling a Randy Moss and only playing when he feels like it. Come on boys, get your head out of your tight spanexed asses and play football like you know how. Really, you are looking like the Packers tonight! Seriously...

BTW...love you mom even if you are a Packers fan!

Is it just me....?

2009-12-19T15:52:00.002-06:00

Is it just me or does anyone else think it is very odd that Brooke Shields is doing a commercial for eyelash regrowth/thickening? Maybe how many eyelashes a person has has nothing to do with how bushy their eyebrows are but I would think with her substantial amount of hair above her lid that there would be no lack of them on the lid? Maybe it was just me that found that ironic. I roll that way! Seriously...

P.S. This topic has been driving my husband crazy. I go on a 5 minute rant every time I see it and he tells me I need to get a life every time. Huh, I think I am observant, not in need of a life.

P.P.S. My absolute favorite commercial right now is the one where the dad is trying to fix something behind the t.v. to make it work and the rest of his family is laughing hysterically as one of his sons is filming his behind, which is shown on the t.v. screen. The girl with her face in the pillow slapping the couch makes me do the same thing every time I see it. Ok, maybe I do need to get a life. Seriously...

Calgon, take me away...

2009-12-14T20:41:00.002-06:00

I have had a headache everyday for three weeks now. Yeah, it blows! I think my head is too heavy for neck. That is what it feels like. I think I would be ok with putting my head in a vice grip right about now. Darvocet worked for about 1.3 hours and now it is coming back in full force. If I had to choose between peeing my pants everyday and having a headache everyday I would pick peeing my pants in a heartbeat. At least peeing your pants doesn't hurt. Just smells. I can wear some scented Depends and will be all good. Clearly, it is that bad. Please, Santa, all I want for Christmas this year is a head that doesn't hurt. Oh and a digital SLR camera, a flip video camera, a case of Vaseline Sheer Infusion lotion in Vitamin Burst, a new pair of pink Uggs, a Jack Lalane Juicer, and the ability to go the rest of this pregnancy without gaining a pound...but in a healthy eating right and exercising kind of way. That's all. Thanks in advance. Seriously...

P.S. No, I am not a materialistic bitch. I want only a healthy and happy family for Christmas. That is just a list of things that if I had all the money in the world that is what I would buy! Don't judge.

Therapy is in her near future....

2009-12-10T20:43:00.003-06:00

Makayla is the queen of stalling before bed. Last night was no exception. After practically blowing a vein from holding in my frustration as she whined about not wanting to go to bed, she finally stomped to bed. Or so I thought. After about 10 minutes I heard her crying at the top of the stairs calling for me. That vein that went back to its normal size immediately puffed to 10 times its size. Then she says a phrase that I about had a stroke hearing. No, it wasn't I started my period. Although that would bring on the same panic. She said "I have a brush stuck in my hair". I about pass out because I know what brush she is talking about. Yep, she found my round brush that I thought was tucked far far away. They should be illegal in all states. After what seemed like 10 years, I got the brush out. Without cutting her hair! I was tempted sooo many times. If I wasn't home, my husband would have cut it without a second thought. Thank goodness I was home! :) Enjoy! Seriously...

I have almost everything I could want....yet I am not content

2009-12-08T20:25:00.002-06:00

This is a "feel sorry for myself" kind of blog. I know what you are thinking. Boo hoo. Get over it. Well, I have tried. I will let you all know, because I am sure you are waiting with baited breath.

~I am still struggling with being pregnant again, so soon. I know that it is a huge blessing. I totally get that. I understand that there are so many people out there who want nothing more then a baby. I am super blessed to be able to have babies and I love them with all my spirit, heart, and being. It is just taking a little longer then I thought to have the shock wear off. I secretly fear that I will not love this little one as much as the others. Sweet Jesus I hope I am SO wrong. Oh and I am getting my usual "pregnancy headaches" seriously every day now. I don't remember getting them in the second trimester so I thought I had escaped them this time. I was wrong and now I have a cranky 10 year old and a crankier 16 month old. That makes for a CRANKIEST mom.

~I love my job. I am so thankful that I even HAVE a job. But at the same time, I don't like my job. I am the only one who does what I do. That makes it very hard to take a day off. It puts a lot of pressure and frustration on me to make sure I am there every day, no matter what. That includes making Maggie go to daycare after giving her advil to make sure she doesn't seem warm even though she has a slight fever. Then I cross my fingers that she isn't cranky at the sitters so the sitter doesn't check her temp! I am making myself sick with this season of sickness because I cannot miss a day of work. That makes you not like your job so much. That and I asked for a day off next month and I was told begrudgingly that they would try to "make it work". I just told them I was pregnant and I feel like I am being treated a little different. Like you are taking time off when you have this baby, don't you think that is all the time off you need. In other words, don't even think of being gone a day until that lil one pops out!

~My husband had an unusual harvest season as I am sure you remember me bitching about. Well the crops are out yet I haven't seen him. That better change or my marital status will!!!

~I am having a hard time getting into the Christmas spirit. Partly because of this damn weather. I would like to fall asleep and wake up in the spring. Maybe I was meant to be a bear. I hope that is what I am in my next life.

So I hope I didn't send anyone into a deep depression while reading this. It is no fun being there, but I hope you all tell me to "snap out of it twinkle toes...it could be a lot worse"!!! Thanks for listening to me do what I do best....bitch!!! Seriously...

oh the joys of wet panties....

2009-12-03T21:19:00.002-06:00

I sneezed today while walking out of Target. I peed myself a little. I am not proud of this. As a matter of fact this is the second time I have done this during this pregnancy. I am only 14 weeks. I have a feeling it is going to be a long 26 more weeks. If this keeps up I will have three in diapers. Remind me again on what a blessing this is. Seriously...

Thankful for...wait, it's not boring...exciting news

2009-11-29T15:15:00.003-06:00

Now that all the Thanksgiving festivities are over I will reminisce about the long weekend.

~We had a great time with friends and family! Lots of get togethers and lots of cranky Maggie to go around but overall, I have great kids!
~Lots of good food! Holy guacamole! Wait, guacamole may be the only thing I didn't eat over the last 3 days. I *heart* turkey!
~I actually think Maggie may have out eaten all of us, including her dad! She never stopped. Makayla didn't eat much at all...maybe because Maggie ate it all!
~5 dollars that Maggie's favorite holiday ends up being Turkey day!
~I am so thankful that I have family with a great sense of humor! I especially want to send a humor shout out to a certain Aunt and Uncle. Without them and their sense of humor I would need to be medicated!!
~I am so thankful that my husband continues to put up with me. I decided to clean the house on Fri/Sat and I mean top to bottom. I may or may not have cussed/shouted/threatened to move out if it didn't stay that way. Oh and I told him to get a new profession...for the 628 time this fall!
~Now.....drumroll please.......WE ARE EXCITED TO ANNOUNCE................

WE ARE CRAZY ENOUGH TO.........

GIVE THIS PARENTING THING ONE MORE GO-AROUND.....

Yep...THIRD TIMES A CHARM!!!!!!!!!!!

BABY KELLEY3 IS ON THE WAY!!!!!!!!!

This was a complete surprise to us. Yes, we know how babies are made. That is why we were "protected" or so we thought! The last three months have been hell and I wanted to bitch about how awful I have been feeling but wanted the shock to wear off. It still hasn't but I figured if I can openly talk about it on here, I will probably have nothing to bitch about!!! Seriously...

Just a few thoughts on my day...oh what a day!

2009-11-23T21:50:00.002-06:00

First, is it just me or is talking about your recent boob job to a patients mom in the waiting room really professional?

Setting...Dentist office
Characters...Receptionist and Patients Mom

I was in the sterilization room and overheard the following conversation.

Recept: I was told the first two days post op would be ok and then it would get worse for a couple days and then get better. Today is the worst day so far but overall it isn't as painful as I thought.

My thoughts while I was hearing this was: "holy shit, please tell me she is not telling a patients mom about her boob job!"

Then pts Mom says: The first time I had them done it was a lot more painful then when I got them redone

Holy boobs batman, they are sharing boob job stories! Seriously, I can't make this shit up!

BTW, she had the surgery done on Wed. of last week and her boobs are still touching her chin, I hope they go down and are not a result of the "deal" she got!

Move on to me picking up Maggie from the sitters. When I get there, the sitter tells me that she !really! thinks I need to take Maggie to the doctor. Oh, great, not this again. I did not take her this weekend, even after her fever on Friday night because it never came back. And her snot is clear, she just has a ton of it. Well, she "highly recommended" I take her. In saying that maybe I should not bring her back until she sees the dr. So because I have no husband at the time being I made the executive decision to take her to prompt care. I can't miss anymore work for sick kids. I dont' want to be fired just yet! So I take her....to the disgusting yet conveniently open for working parents who don't want to miss work...Prompt Care. Let me tell you how that went!

Setting: Waiting room
Characters: Me, Maggie(in a stroller so she cant run around touching all the dirtiness that is on everything), a 2 year old boy, a clueless mom and a very disengaged dad.

2 year old is running wild, touching every magazine, well throwing the magazines all over the waiting area. Oh wait he just moved on to pulling every kleenex out of the box. Oh no she didnt, she just put them back in the box. Ewwww. Note to self. Don't read the magazines and don't use the kleenex!
2 year old sees Maggie and comes barreling over to her(still in her stroller) and reminds me of a St. Bernard. He has slobber running out of his mouth. His hands just came out of his mouth and they are dripping as well. My thoughts are "please don't make me stiff arm you, please don't make me trip you, please don't come near my precious well behaved baby girl". Holy sickness batman, he just touched the stroller. I say to him, "oh no, please don't touch the stroller, my little girl is sick and you don't want to get even sicker". The mom tells me "oh he isn't sick, we think he has pink eye". Are you f*cking kidding me. So pink eye is ok to spread all over the waiting room. What are you thinking, it makes it better because it isn't the flu?! I get out my wipes and wipe down her stroller. I do not care who I offend at this point. We are not letting some ignorant lazy mom allow her demon child to give my little girl pink eye. I ignore her attempts to make conversation. I am actually texting my husband telling him what is going on. He tells me to kick the kid. I am so tempted.

Final story. The Dr who looks about 20, and has the confidence of a worm, asks my 15 month old to open wide for her as she attempts to put a tongue depressor in her mouth. Maggie sucks on it like it is a Popsicle and wont' open. Yet, she still manages a smirk as the Dr says again, "can you open really big". I think I know exactly what Maggie is thinking and I too am smirking! Finally, she tells me that she thinks she has a ear infection. She says thinks because it could be healing on its own or just getting started. She tells me several times that she is going to give me a script for Amox and not to have it filled until she continues to have a fever and/or gets worse. Well let me tell you, Meijer had her Amox ready in less then 10 minutes as she was screaming and we stood right in front of the counter the whole time. And she thought I was serious when I agreed to wait to have it filled! Seriously...

My daughter is plotting against me...

2009-11-20T20:25:00.002-06:00

My beautiful, wonderful, smart, funny, too cute for words daughter is plotting against me. I swear. Little Magdelicious has had a cold for the last week. She had a lot of green snot but no fever and acted pretty normal. Just a tad crabby. I figured it was just a cold like I had at the same time. I got over mine pretty fast and assumed she would too. Well, the sitter told me she wasn't acting like herself so I figured I would call the doctor today and try to get her in. You know before the weekend and being my only day off. So, the princess gets up this morning and doesn't have boogers all over her face and her snot is clear through out the day. I decide to not call the doctor. I am proud as I am being the good mom and not the crazy mom that calls the doctor for every sniffle.
She takes a later nap this afternoon then she usually does. So when she wakes up at 5:30 I am super pissed that she has a fever. 102.8. Are you kidding me. Seriously! She waits until after the doctors office is closed and then she gets a damn fever. So now I have to take her to prompt care tomorrow and sit in a germ infested waiting room for hours and get us infected with everything everyone else has. Kids, you gotta love them. Go figure, I was home for a year with 2 kids and not once did they get sick. Now, I am working and it is like they are making up for lost time! Seriously...

Farmer dictionary...

2009-11-19T18:55:00.003-06:00

Bored Meeting: What happens when a group of farmers get rained out. They have lunch and call it a "bored meeting".

When my husband told me he had a board meeting at lunch on a recent day that he got rained out from harvesting, I asked him what board he was on. He informed me that they were bored and decided to have lunch together. To make the wives happy, they tell them they have a "bored meeting"to make it sound like it is necessary! Clever I must say!

I just may have to have my own "bored meeting" some night with the girls! Then we will see how clever he thinks he is! Seriously...

New blog post, same bitchin'

2009-11-15T17:11:00.004-06:00

I have been reminded that I need to be more up-to-date on my blogging. Let me explain why. It has continued to be C-R-A-Z-Y here. I haven't even had a chance to shave my...well some things shouldn't be discussed! It was going to be big toe if anyone was curious! ;) My choice of a lifetime mate has me wondering if I make good decisions. I love my husband dearly. If you know me, you know it takes a special kind of person to put up with me on a daily basis! However, I do not love his profession. Especially this time of the year. As I have mentioned before, he is a farmer. I HIGHLY discourage anyone from marrying a farmer that did not grow up in a farming family. It takes some getting used to. Oh boy, does it take some getting used to. It wasn't that difficult until we had our youngest. I then realized that my being a single parent for 4 years was obviously training for what is now my reality!

Enough about that. Onto other areas of craziness. Makayla is driving me crazy, which is nothing new. Her cheerleading schedule and the cost are about to drive me to an early grave. Her wonderful oboe is in the shop and she will officially have missed two oboe lessons tomorrow. That pisses me off but glad to not have the noise!! Maggie and I have come down with a cold. Nothing major, just your common cold. I cannot tell you how much better you feel when you have a cold as opposed to the piggy flu! I don't like a snotty nose on myself, but I will take it any day over the piggy flu! Maggie is now saying so many words! Here is a list of her favorites:
mommy, daddy, happy, ball, bug, peas(for please...it is so cute, she gets whatever she asks for when she says"peas"), go-go-go, deac(for her friend Deacon at the sitter), up, out, pretty, all done, uh oh, ouchie, sock, shoe, coat, kids, and lots of things that I can't figure out! She can moo like a cow and roar like a lion. She impresses us everyday!! She refuses to say any form of Makayla and I think she knows exactly what she is doing!!

Oh and there is something I am going to wait a couple more weeks to spill....it involves my oldest daughter and you will get a kick out of it!!!

Sorry this isn't funny or witty, just giving the scoop on why I have been MIA. Miss you all and will be back to blogging soon! I promise! Seriously...

Maybe animals aren't my thing....

2009-11-03T20:38:00.002-06:00

I got my first deer of the season. Actually, to be honest, someone else got him/her first and I got the pleasure of hitting a dead deer in the middle of the road. Who does that? Me! It was on a country road at dusk. Not completely dark but the sun was down. The deer blended well with the road. I was possibly going 60+ miles an hour. When I realized there was a deer laying in the road, I freaked. I braked hard, there was a car coming in the other lane so I couldn't swerve, the ditch didn't seem like a good idea with how much rain we have had. I, shivering, ran it over. Now you have to understand that I had no idea what to do. It all happened so fast and I had Maggie in the car with me. Flipping in the ditch wasn't my idea of fun, although it would make getting a new car easier if I would have totaled it! So, I hit it hard! What amazed me was how my car took the hit and was really ok after. No difference in how it drove. The only thing I noticed when I got home was a lot of deer fur under the car! EWWWWW. I just kept thinking, why couldn't it have been closer to home and those damn turkeys!!! So, that is how my world works. I hit deer that are already dead laying in the middle of the road. Oh, and I am not blonde!!! I may have been on the cell phone though! Shhhh. Don't tell my husband! Seriously...

Help me deal with 10 year old girls...Please!!!

2009-11-01T17:45:00.004-06:00

My 10 year old went to a sleep over last night. It was at a friends house that I don't usually allow her to go to. Her mom has made some bad choices and her kids behavior reflects some very poor parenting. Well, Makayla begged and the mom called 38 times. My husband told me Makayla was old enough to know when something wasn't right and we should let her go. I reluctantly agreed. Then I watched an Oprah that I had DVR'd and there was a mom whose daughter was in a bad car accident where another girl died because a mom was drinking and driving with a car full of 11 year olds. The mom said she should have trusted her instincts and not let her go. I was hysterical after that.

I told Makayla to call me ANYTIME, even at 2 in the a.m. if she wasn't comfortable and I would come get her. The girls that were there have not always been respectful of each other and really, down right mean to each other.

Makayla called me at 1:53 a.m. this morning. Luckily her dad was up with lil crab cakes(cookie right before bed, not a great idea!) and got the call. He asked her what was wrong, she said she wasn't having fun and wanted to come home. He asked if she was ok and she said never mind and hung up. I am so glad I was asleep and didn't know this until this morning. He said she wasn't crying and she just sounded tired. I would have gone right over there and gotten her but he let it go.

I had my wonderful husband pick her up early as I was worried. When she got home and I asked her how it was, she started crying. First, she was SUPER tired, not much sleep. Then she got right into what had happened. One of the girls at the party was the culprit for the phone call. This particular girl has been nothing but a headache for us. Let me share with you.

We had her spend the night and she was SO rude to my husband and I and even worse to Makayla. I offered her everything we had to eat and drink, she wouldn't even answer me. She pouted the whole time she was here and completely ignored anyone trying to talk to her. I offered to take her home several times and I should have just put her ass in the car and taken her home. Well I guess she did the same thing at the sleepover last night. Glad it wasn't just us!

She was on our cheerleading team and while at a water park resort with the team she stole a key chain from the gift shop. She is not someone I want my daughter around. I was livid when we were on our way home and Makayla told me that. Supposedly her mom found out and made her send a letter and the key chain back. Or so the girl told my daughter when I threatened to go to her mom.

She is insanely jealous of everyone at all times. To the point where Makayla feels bad about wearing something new because it will cause this particular girl to stop talking to her. I have told Makayla several times that she is not worth her time but Makayla has such a huge heart that she makes herself available to even mean girls.

She is very physically rough too. She threw a wii remote at Makayla at the party because she was beating her. She always punches girls in the stomach at school. Smacks people in the back. Ridiculous.

So, how do we handle this girl. She is crazy and I think we will see her name in the paper in the future, and not for good things. I was all worried about the host and her daughter and it turns out that that was the least of my worries!!! Seriously...

How can it be November already!!!

2009-11-01T11:54:00.002-06:00

I simply will not let myself believe that it is November already. I am officially in November denial. I love Thanksgiving and I love the fall colors. I love sweaters, jeans, boots. I am just not ready for the wind. Cold, cold wind. Snow, ice, and all that comes with fall and winter. I guess nothing I can do will change this fact. I do question why I left Charleston, SC to move back here though. My husband cannot move his farm land so we are here to stay. One day I will let that sink in. For now I will continue to dream about warm fall cities, no snow and no wind. Seriously...

What is going on you ask...

2009-10-24T12:07:00.002-05:00

Here is a rundown of life here at our reality...

~Maggie is now being referred to as a bull in a china store. She learned at the sitters that all she has to do is scream/grunt/yell at the twin 2 year old boys who are smaller then her and they give her what they have. They don't even put up a fight.
~She also tries to walk through her toys, not around them. She is the center of her universe and we are just props.
~Makayla is well again, although looking like a twig. She wasted away to nothing with her piggy flu. Don't be worried, she has ALL of her sass back and a little extra to make up for being so compliant for the week.
~I don't know if I have the piggy flu/stomach flu/or just good ole exhaustion! Whatever it is, it can kiss my big squishy ass!!
~My sister is getting married!!!!! MP proposed on Thursday night and her ring is ~~ridiculous~~ gorgeous! They are an amazing couple and he is so lucky to be joining this crazy family!!
~My house is at the point where it would be easier to move then try to clean it. Actually, clean is what it is, cluttered and a disarray is how is looks!
~Farmer Joe got a good 5 days in the field and got rained out just in time for me to lay in bed for a couple days. I love weather and clearly that rain dance I did in my head worked this time!
That is all for now, I will let all this soak in and get back to blogging more regularly when I am feeling better!

Are you serious?!?!?!?

2009-10-20T11:42:00.002-05:00

In previous posts, I joked about having different animal type flu's going around this house. Well, I guess karma is a bitch folks, cuz I am now dealing with a 10 year old with H1N1. Because she is so special she has the vomiting that comes along with some cases of the piggy flu. I have been a tad bit nauseous for a couple weeks now and I can't tell you how much I enjoy hearing her dry heave and throw up ALL. THE. TIME! Our household has literally been sick now for about 5 weeks straight. I thought we would be over the sickies but I guess He didn't want us to get too comfortable and care free. Nope, I have washed my hands more then if I was working full time again....oh shit, wait, I am working full time now. Hope I don't lose my job staying home with Miss Piggy. No, I don't call her that to her face. She can't know that she has the piggy flu, she has the soul of a 90 year old woman who will worry herself right into a nursing home if she did. So, how do you keep oneself from getting a virus that is so brutal and on a rampage, besides running away and holing up in a 5 star penthouse for a year? Please, any suggestions would be great. I will consider ALL options! Thanks, and disinfect your hands and eyes after reading this, we don't want you to get sick too! Seriously...

Be patient with me please...

2009-10-12T20:52:00.002-05:00

So a lot of new things are going on here in My Reality. One, a new job. Two, I am working 4 days a week now. I was only working one day and that was only the last month. It is hard, don't judge. Three...you will have to wait. Oh yeah, my husband still hasn't gotten any crops out of the ground yet. We will be taking him out turkey to his tractor on Thanksgiving. Oh, and everything is really bad timing!!

Too tired to post anything tonight that makes sense. So here is a run down.

~Went to the Vikings/Rams game yesterday! It was awesome, the Vikings stomped the Rams and we enjoyed every second of it!!! I love football.
~Maggie is finally feeling better, just a little runny nose here and there.
~Makayla is going as Nancy Drew for Halloween. It was one of the only costumes that did not look like she was going as a stripper...at age 10.
~My sinus infection is NOT going away and I am ready to do a little surgery on myself. Don't know what I would do but something has to happen.
~My house is a disaster due to a busy weekend, going back to work and no one helping me. I officially don't care until I feel better.
~I love my mom!
~I miss my sister!
~I loved hangin out with my brothers at the game!
~I don't like starting new jobs, yet I love change, go figure. Really, I miss the hell out of the girls from the old job.

Ok, that is enough to put you to sleep. Hope you all can be patient and keep reading even if they make no sense and may skip a day. I am off to bed. Seriously...

Me and my curves are no match for a Chevy Trailblazer...

2009-10-10T09:16:00.003-05:00

Yesterday we(me, crabby 1 and crabby 2) were on our way into town and oldest crabby couldn't get her seat belt buckled because of little crabby's car seat. I told her to figure it out. I was not about to stop the car. That is how super moms do things, they say figure it out. I am not ashamed. Well it appears the she could not get it. So I tell her to crawl over her sister and get in the other seat. She does it with the swiftness of a gisele. That made me remember my own experience trying to get from one seat to another while in a moving vehicle. Mine went a little something like this...hit it...

We were driving home from a baby shower in Chicago and I was feeding lil crabby. Well I get severely car sick so I wanted to get into the front seat but didn't want to stop to do it. I thought how hard is it to go over the seat. So I make the attempt. I guess I am a bit of a reverse anorexic/bulimic. I think I am smaller then I am.

I got stuck. Really?!

Oh boy did I get stuck. I had half of my body over the headrest and my head wedged against my dear hubby. Maybe it was my approach.

Maybe it is because a grown woman shouldn't climb over the front seat. If I was smaller, like my daughter it wouldn't have been a problem. I guess that is why they made doors on vehicles. Seriously...

I. HATE. TYPING....right now

2009-10-07T20:15:00.004-05:00

I was half way through a post about all that I had to bitch about and got so frustrated with my typo's that I said screw it and deleted the whole damn thing. Do you ever have days where you can't type a damn word without hitting the back space 14,000 times. That is my night. All I want to do is scream "F***********************************". So realizing how inappropriate and immature that is I will just quietly say f*** and go to bed while dreaming of throwing the damn computer out the window. Sorry this isn't Nobel peace prize worthy shit, I am straight up pissed. Night....Seriously....

P.S. Lots of changes going on here in my reality so keep checking back for the breaking news...

Sweet tap dancin Jesus, is that a turkey on your car...

2009-10-03T11:08:00.006-05:00

Just in case you were not fully understanding my misfortune while trying to get some exercise in the other day(in case you missed it check it out), here is some proof.

My mom was coming over last night to watch crabby 1 and crabby 2 so my husband and I could have a date night. I don't think she will come back. Not because we "forgot" to feed the crabbies before we left, stayed out way past our curfew, or because the crabby kids tied her up and put her in a closet so they could shot gun Dr. Peppers. No, it is because of this.

Yes, you see that creature on the top of my moms car? That would be one of the ferocious turkeys that our jack ass neighbor is "raising wild". Remember, they travel together. Where are the other two you are asking? Let me show you...

Since we only had two cars in the area, one got the shaft and had to stay on the ground behind the trailblazer. Quite the funny guys, those turkeys. So, please send sympathy that we are prisoners of our own home because some jack monkey decided to be damn Dr. Doolittle and think having wild turkeys would be so much fun for this country neighborhood.

I think our dog, who we got scolded by Dr Doolittle for him eating his chickens, was only trying to protect us and the underground fence will be malfunctioning next time he is away from animal kingdom. Seriously...

Signs....

2009-10-02T09:51:00.002-05:00

You are all sick of me ~~complaining~~ pursuing a healthier lifestyle. I know, me too. I try, that is all you can do, right!? Well, if you didn't know that I am allergic to exercise, I am. Deathly. It causes me great physical harm. Oh wait, that is what happens to others when I try! Here is another case in point. I have been taking walks with crabalicious lately. It is the only thing that keeps me from putting her in a closet, with kibble. Well, we have a neighbor that has "wild" turkeys that he is raising...I don't know how wild and raising can be in the same sentence. Anyways they are vicious. MEAN little bastards. Well I was out ~~avoiding dealing with my daughters temperament~~ walking and I saw a cute fuzzy little caterpillar. I was attempting to pick the cutie up for crabalicious and three turkeys charged me. At first, I thought for sure they would stop. I continued, bent over, picking up the damn caterpillar and they continued charging!! I literally had to run with the stroller to get away from these bastards. I of course was screaming like a girl and I am sure I looked like a moose pulling a uhaul but I ran like I have never ran before. I managed to escape the wrath of the evil turkeys but now I am scared to walk again. I guess this is just another sign that I should abstain from any type of physical activity. I hear you loud and clear. Seriously...

P.S. I think we may celebrate Thanksgiving three times this year.

Brick wall...

2009-09-30T10:35:00.003-05:00

This is the text I sent my husband this a.m.

"Next time you want to get crabalicious up after she has only cried for a total of 2.3 seconds and bring her to me while I am sleeping and then leave, please smash my head against a brick wall as I think that would be less painful...love your cranky wife"

I get it that he wants to see her in the morning before he leaves for work. Whatever. I am a mom, I have a sixth sense on when she is crying to be crying and when she is awake and needs to get up. Her crying didn't even wake me up so therefore, she was not ready to get up. For the next two and a half hours she was awake, she cried or whined for two hours and 29 minutes.

Next time he does that I think I will have to drop her off with him and tell him, enjoy! Seriously...

P.S. If crabalicious is going to be sick and have a fever all winter long, there is not enough alcohol in the world to get me through this. Or drugs for that matter. Just kidding mom, kinda!

So that is what he was talking about...

2009-09-29T21:00:00.003-05:00

My husband has warned me from the first meal I attempted to make him, "Do not use a knife". I believe that I was chopping vegetables then. I didn't know why he would tell an adult woman this. Maybe he saw something in me that gave him a heads up. He may be right. He has reminded me of this warning every time I whip a knife out. Tonight I was chopping onions for our salad. I may or may not have heard his voice in the back of my head as I was reaching for the knife. So one smooth move and my finger tip fell off. Ok, maybe it didn't fall off but it was dangling. Ok, so maybe I just sliced it a ~~chunk~~ bit. Why does he have to be right? I was all ready to hop in the car to get it surgically reattached but remembered if I make a big deal out of my finger, he would start cutting my steak for me again. Yes, I am that bad with knives. Sharp little suckers. Seriously...

Decided...

2009-09-26T21:11:00.003-05:00

I have finally came to a decision about Makayla and Maggie's future. I was driving through campus tonight with my 10 year old and I was appalled. To quote a line I heard from T.V. the other night..."we all know you are a girl, you don't have to prove it". I would say that over 80% of the girls on campus were walking around skirts so short that I could see their belly button rings from under their skirts!! Really! Ok, maybe not that short but still, if you had any doubt on what gender they were, it would be clear by how much their skirt revealed. Where are their friends? Who would let them leave the house like that. Oh, yeah, they are walking right there with them wearing theirs even shorter. So, I have decided that I will not only homeschooling them through junior high and high school, I will continue to do so thru college. Yes, and arranged marriages are sounding better and better. Seriously...

Out of the Darkness...

2009-09-25T21:29:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow I am walking in the local Out Of The Darkness Suicide Prevention walk. I am walking in honor of my dad. I have done a walk before and was excited to see we have a walk in my own town. I am always amazed at how taboo talking about suicide is but yet when I do somehow get asked or mention it, everyone seems to have been affected or know someone who was by suicide. It is such a lonely way to grieve. You can't count on your friends because they don't know what to say so they stay silent. Family, not immediate, would rather stick razors up there ass then be an extended family(again not all just most). You tend to just keep it in. Not healthy. So I am all for raising money to support a cause that is trying to release the stigma associated with it. I am proud to say that I have raised $410 dollars for tomorrow. My team "Too Talls Gang" is the second highest fund raiser. Go me!! Thank you to all that donated! Here are a few things I have learned from dealing with a suicide.
*these are my thoughts, please don't think I am pretending to be an expert, I am not!

~The person who takes his/her own life is not the person you know and love. Physically yes, mentally no. I can only imagine how sad and desperate and lonely a person must feel to think that is the only way to make the hurt stop. Please don't judge a person who takes this step to end the pain and hurt. They are really only doing what they think they need to do to stop the pain/hurt and despair they are feeling. Is it right, or the right choice. I would say no but how can I know how another person feels.
~When a person takes their own life, they are trying to escape their own demons. Only they don't realize that their loved ones take on those demons and try to figure it all out. I don't know why I think I can solve my dads problems, he could not and they were his. I have my own struggles and yet I can't shake his.
~As a survivor of suicide(no I did not try to take my own life, this is how they refer to those left behind from suicide), I am no longer given simple freedoms. If I take one too many Advil for a headache, my husband asks if I am sad. If I want to go through the box of things my dad left me, my husband get anxious being that I called him while he was working asking for the gun safe code since the box is in their. He won't give me the code. If I am depressed, I am on "suicide watch" by family members. I don't like that feeling. I promised every one I love that this is not my fate.
~If you mention suicide to someone who does not know your personal experience with it, chances are they have been affected by it somehow too. Or they know someone who has been affected. I am afraid it will be like cancer. Everyone will have a story of how they were affected.
~There is not enough support for suicide survivors. There are only books that are very biological in nature. You will go through this first and then this and then this. Bullshit. I want someone to spill there guts on crying, laughing, making fun of those who went through the line at the visitation. You know the ones who asked how the person died and you responded by laughing because you couldn't fathom telling one more person how. I want to know all the inappropriate things they said/did because there is no how to manual on how to deal with the grief from the death and the abandonment you feel from those scared to talk to you about it. Instead of putting there discomfort aside, they pretend there is nothing to talk about.
~How a persons family can really fall apart when they should have learned that they need each other more then ever.
~How telling someone it was the devil is not comforting. Bringing up the devil implies that he is not in Heaven. I firmly believe he is in Heaven, no matter how much of a "sin" suicide is, he is in Heaven. If he was not, he would not be in my dreams, he would not be sending my little signs that he is with me. Don't confuse his personal demons with the devil.
~Anger is not a stage of grief that everyone goes through. Don't force me to go through an emotion or a stage because a book tells me I have to.
~Don't make me feel like an outcast. I am still the same funny, silly, immature, did I mention funny person I was with him, and because of him. I have changed due to losing my father, I did lose a little piece of my heart, but not my being. Love me, treat me the same as before. Don't put the stigma on me.

I hope this gives you some insight on suicide and how to "handle" someone who is affected by it. I hope that none of the readers of this have dealt with suicide, outside of my family. If you have I am here for you and anyone who needs a friend.

I love you dad and am so glad to have known you for the 27 years I did. You were my best friend and my cheerleader when I had no one else. For that I am forever grateful. You will remain perfect in my eyes and I will always think of your smile and laugh and how your stories took FOREVER and how I got your personality but not your height. Damnit. Really, 6'8" and all I got was 5'7". I am glad you gave me the things you did because I wouldn't trade me for anyone else. Well maybe some height. Still. Bitter. About. The. Height. I love you more!! Seriously...

Anxiety overload...

2009-09-25T21:10:00.002-05:00

I *heart* me some Criminal Minds! I seriously love that show, and want to marry it. Oh wait, that is what my conversation with my daughter was. Yeah 10 year olds. So funny. Back to the story. I look forward to this show more then any other CSI, NCIS, etc. criminal investigation type show. My hubby and I even have a don't watch without me rule. Ok, maybe I threaten him that he has to wait for me. You want to know why? Because it scares the shit out of me. I am talking full on cold sweats, shaking uncontrollably, heart racing kind of anxiety when I watch it. But it is SO good. Morgan, Reid, JJ, Prentiss, Hotchner you know all the cool people who are insanely good looking, smart and my all time favorite...Penelope Garcia. I love me some Morgan and Garcia relationship!! Ok, a tad bit obsessed. But I get some major anxiety when I watch it. I cannot watch it by myself. I tried during the day once, called my hubby from our closet and begged him to come home. Clearly, I need help. Watching the season premier, at night, in bed, lights off = long night and frustrated husband. I had him turn the lights on when either one of us had to go to the bathroom. I made him check three times that the doors were locked. I made him switch me sides of the bed since my side is by the door. I made him stay awake and watch SYTYCD to get bad feelings out of my head. It is after midnight at this point. Yeah I am bat shit crazy. He married me knowing that though so don't feel sorry for him. I don't get much sleep on Wed nights but I always look forward to another episode. It is just that damn good!!! Seriously...

What's up...

2009-09-21T18:59:00.003-05:00

This is my life at the moment...

*I must be allergic to exercise. The last two times I got into a rhythm with a program and started to see results, I got sick. Not just the sniffles but horse flu sick(get it, horses are bigger then pigs, clearly I was that sick!) I guess I am meant to be dimply and soft and jiggle! I will be whoever I am supposed to be! ;)
*Maggie started saying "mommy". Not mama, but full on mommy with the cutest raspy voice ever(she had the croup, or the bumble bee flu, get it, smaller then a pig...you get the point). Well, it was cute until she said it for the 1 millionth time in a 24 hour period. Really...not so cute anymore. Then everyone else says "she wants you". Yeah, get over it and help the girl out. Pretend she is saying daddy or sister already.
*I was all geared up to try the 30 day shred for the first time tonight. My hubby and girls are out of the house for a little while so I popped it in. Well we are using a back up DVD player and it has no remote(I am too lazy to look for it and it hasn't been a problem with Horton Hears a Who). I could not get the damn bar to get past recommendations. I had good intentions. Refer back to point one, see what I am saying!!
*I am strongly procrastinating on making a resume. I don't want to leave my current job, but when your boss makes empty promises, you should take that as a hint! So, I figured why not blog a little, get my frustrations out and then go for the resume writing. I think it is a great plan.
*I am on the fourth book by Jen Lancaster. Pretty in Plaid. I am a little disappointed. I laughed out loud, peed myself a little, got a little work out on the abs, dreamed of being as funny as her, response from her first three. This one, not so much. I highly recommend her first three and maybe when I am done with this one I will have a different opinion. Bitter is The New Black, Bright Lights Big Ass, and Such a Pretty Fat are the first three. Seriously, go get them! She is a person you so badly want to be friends with.
*My wonderful 10 year old is doing great in school, has proven she is not my daughter by her math scores and is quickly losing interest in the oboe. YEAH, I mean we need to work on encouraging her, right. She is keeping track of everyone who is mean to her. I don't know what she is doing with this information but it worries me. I cannot wait until junior high so she can get away from the ~~psychos~~ girls in her class!!

Well I will leave you all knowing that I did survive the horse flu, Maggie survived the bumble bee flu, and no one else is sick so far. I can't believe that with all the Kleenex bombs left around the house! Seriously...

Selfish, indeed...

2009-09-17T21:24:00.003-05:00

You know what is worse then a thirteen month old with croup. A mom that has a sinus infection/cold, has a huge amount of pressure built up in her already tight for room head, cannot breathe out of her nose, has toxic acid streaming down her throat, a headache that feels like my head is too heavy for my neck(again we are talking big here!)...oh and did I mention, feels like shit. It wouldn't be so bad if we got sick at different times.
She has never been one to get up in the middle of the night and not fall back to sleep(well at least since about 5 months). So this getting up in the middle of the night and wanting to stay up. For the birds. If I don't feel good, I sure as hell don't want to try to convince a whiney, snotty, coughing like a seal little girl to go back to sleep. Don't get me wrong, I want more then anything for her to feel better and if I could take her sickness away and have mine worse, I would. But, it makes for a very cranky mom. I guess when I require A LOT of sleep on a good day, being sick makes it worse. And having a sick child makes it worser(yes I know that is not a word, deal with it!). Clearly we are talking seriousness here;)!I have second thoughts all the time about having another baby on the sheer fact that I will have to do late night/early morning feedings again. Selfish, maybe. We all have our weaknesses, sleep happens to be mine. I can handle poop, pee, vomit, rashes, etc IF I have enough sleep. If I could change this about me I would. If I could some how take those damn power naps that everyone else seems to be able to do and feel wonderful, I would. If I take a nap, it has to be 2 hours minimum! There you have it. I am professing to the world, I suck at being sick! Seriously...

*cue comments telling me how brave I am for being a sick mom to a sick toddler*

Happy Grandparents Day

2009-09-13T22:13:00.001-05:00

Make a Smilebox slideshow

On a lighter note...

2009-09-11T21:38:00.002-05:00

Today has been a reminder to me of how good I have it. I remember where I was and what I was doing 8 years ago. I do not understand why they have to replay all of the footage from that day over and over again though. I do not need to see a person jumping to their death, again, to be reminded of what our nation has gone through. I say we need to respect the families and have memorials but we do not need to see the footage from that day any longer. Enough said. On a lighter note here are some randomness' from this week. You are welcome!

*Maggie went to an in home sitter for the first time. The report from day one went a little like this.
Sitter- "Maggie is not used to having someone in her room while sleeping, all through both naps she kept the others awake by talking to them." (I say you go girl and tell them what you have to say!)
Sitter-"Maggie ate VERY well today. She even helped herself to the food on the other kids trays. I finally had to move her away from them so they could finish eating." (I say, oh no, she is going to be THAT girl. I have visions of her standing over smaller girls in school taking there ding dongs, waving a fist at them!)
When I pick her up she is on a tractor in the back yard and a 3 year old boy is trying to help her with the tractor and she is grunting and pushing him away. (I say, you go girl and show that boy who is the boss! And yes, she is going to be THAT girl!)

*Makayla is in her first week of oboe lessons. Please send any donation you see fit to either soundproof her room or to order cases of wine so I can at least be loopy while listening to that!

*My boss is trying to make my recent workplace return as opposite of what we agreed upon and as miserable as possible so I quit. Um, yeah the joke is on you because I can last so much longer then you think, Try me, just try me.

*Big Brother has got me in quite the tizzy. I said at least 5 times during the hour long show that I am done. Well I was just kidding. Come on Jordan!!

*Have I died and gone to heaven...another season of So You Think You Can Dance is on AGAIN! What a good girl I must have been this year as I got an early Christmas present this year. I do believe, I do believe!

I hope you all managed to get through the day and reflect on how much our Service men and women have done for us. Having served our Country, I am proud for the time I did and would go back in a second to help defend our freedoms and rights that so many take for granted. Hoorah Air Force. Seriously...

Yeah and thank you!!

2009-09-08T18:08:00.003-05:00

I have received my first blog award!! Yeah for me!

Thank you Un-Bride!! You have to check out her amazing blog here. She cracks me up! Since things have been crazy busy here, I am going to pass this awesome award on tomorrow. Maggie is going to the sitters for awhile tomorrow so I will have some time to myself. Yes, I will get more stuff done then blogging. Just wanted to say thank you to Un-Bride!! Thanks for reading!! Seriously...

P.S. Can some one more experienced tell me how to add this to my sidebar! Thanks in advance!

Not usually a bandwagon jumper but...

2009-09-07T21:11:00.002-05:00

I have to put my 10 cents in(cuz I like to have high self esteem) on this President Obama school children speech hoopla. I propose a multiple choice question to those who would like to not have their children hear the leader of this wonderful country of ours(I served in the Air Force so I know just how wonderful it is!). Also, we voted him in, so suck it up...opsies, I promised myself not to jump to that line yet.

Would you rather have your children...

A. Listen to the leader of our country tell our children how important it is to stay in school, get good grades and strive to be the best they can be. Let President Obama be an example that anything is possible. Oh, and apparently, he is African American.

B. Let your children idolize a sports athlete who didn't finish college(hopefully high school was finished), beats up women/dogs/men/etc, does recreational activities which may or may not be legal...you get the point. Advertise for said athlete by purchasing and wearing their names on shirts, jackets, hats, posters, books, food, etc. Oh, and apparently quite a few of these athletes are African American. Most do not address children and encourage them to stay in school. Most just want and will make commercials asking they get their product to make them "better"(not to be confused with smarter) then others.

C. Watch any T.V. programming that is not on Disney or Nickelodeon and play any video game that consists of "finding and defeating(killing)" the enemy(typically of the human nature). Violence and sex, even in family sitcoms, have taken over prime time television, video games and the movies.

D. Both B and C

It seems like a lot of people are choosing only D. I don't understand the difference between idolizing an athlete and respecting the President. I am not trying to get all political. Lord knows that I get the majority of my political information from the girls on the "View" and I can't say that is a good thing. Just thought that all this hoopla over a speech given to our school children from the President is ridiculous and unnecessary. Seriously...

Pure Entertainment...

2009-09-05T22:18:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, I was going on a walk with my little Maggie Lu, on a well used, well known trail here in town. The particular portion we were walking on is right next to a hugely busy road. It is super hot(ok, maybe if I was a little not so chunky it would not have seemed so hot), it is that time of the month and I am pushing Maggie in a new pink and purple car. Here are the problems with all that.

It is hot, I am wearing black exercise pants. That may or may not cause a little sweating between my thighs.
That sweat that may or may not be there, may or may not be causing my panty liner(that is for you Tanya) to feel like it is bunching up in my backside.
That bunching that may or may not be going on is making me feel like I have a noticeable lump in my drawers.
To make sure it doesn't look like it feels, I simply reach my hand around and "feel around"(don't pretend you don't know what I am talking about). I hate wearing said panty liner because it feels like a diaper, no matter how small they are. With all the walking and hotness, I feel like it has "gathered" in the back.
While quickly and casually checking things out, a random loser honks at me. This of course startles me. Clearly, I thought if I willed it hard enough, it would be invisible, what I am doing.
While being startled and trying to make it seem like I for sure wasn't touching my "bad parts" I kind of tripped over Maggies car.
Yeah, that was me flipping over the pink and purple car barely missing and taking Maggie out in the process. As I am laid sprawled out on the trail, on a very busy road, Maggie is laughing and not ONE person stops to make sure I am ok. I got two more honks but not one "hey, are you ok?!" Not even the guy riding his bike, who has to go off into the grass as I am brushing the dirt off of me, cannot even pretend that he is not laughing. Sir, if you refuse to make eye contact with me but you are laughing out loud, I can still see and hear you.
That is why I decided to stop leaving the house in the name of exercise...pure entertainment for everyone else but me. Seriously...

Pity party for one, right over here

2009-09-02T20:58:00.002-05:00

I have nothing to complain about...if you ask most people. But, I am going to have a pity party for myself. Tomorrow, I am going back to work. After being off for 14+ months. Only part-time. Three days a week. Actually two to start but hoping three soon. I was reminded I am a girl today too, which doesn't help with the emotional part of me(90% in case you were wondering). I want to go out and make some money and feel like I can do more then sing and perform(rather well if you ask me)the "Silly Dance Contest" by Jim Gill. Check him out here. Maggie thinks I am freakin great, btw. Maggie is going to a babysitter that is not family for the first time ever. That makes me sad. Can't continue, can't see through the tears. Pity party for one, being seated immediately. Very blessed, still pouting. Can't make complete sentences. Shit. Seriously...

How rude and who does that...

2009-08-31T22:55:00.000-05:00

These are only two of the wonderful encounters I have had this weekend. Remember, these are the wonderful people we share this world with. Enjoy.

While shopping at a local department store, I needed to use the little girls room. While I was heading in that direction, I was following a woman who clearly thought I was stalking her, but no I was simply going to the same place she was. When she opened the door to the restroom, she assumes since she is through the door, she can "start". Well, I prefer to wait until I am BEHIND the stall door before I start letting them "rip". I thought that she was kind of brazen, doing so with two women clearly within ear shot. Me and the one washing her hands. So she goes into the stall and I go to the only empty one left, the one next to her(there are only 3 stalls). I am relieving my bladder and I hear, well, lets just say she had a tummy ache. Me on the other hand, I have no problem going to the bathroom in public when I have a tummy ache, BUT only in dire emergencies. Clearly, this must be dire. Only I actually try to time my activity to when someone flushes the toilet or turns the sink on. Come on, I am not the only one who has mastered this. Nope, this lady follows no rules but her own. So I am at the sink now, washing my hands and I hear her say "hey, we are still here in town, shopping, are we still meeting up later". I am FLOORED. First, I thought she was talking to me. I almost responded after ''hey", I thought with all that was going on in there, she may have needed help! So I pick my jaw up off the ground and hurry out of there. I can't believe that she is on the phone. While shedobeeing!! I can't get out of there fast enough. Can you imagine the person on the other end of the phone. I will tell you, they most definitely heard her!! People, seriously!!

Today, I am checking out at another department store and the cashier is being VERY ~~flirty~~ friendly with the old guy in front of me. She is doing every dumb girl, tossing her hair, giggling, smacking her gum trick. I am annoyed. It is taking twice as long as it should and I want to get out of here. From the conversation I am hearing it is a student(cashier) and teacher(old guy). I sure as hell hope it is college we are talking about. Really, both of you, really?! So he finally leaves and I feel a little guilty, like I should have given them a few moments of privacy. I move to my spot in front of her and she barely says hi, without looking up. Did you use all your eye contact on old guy teacher? She tells me the total without looking up still. Wait did you just throw the pen at me to sign the charge slip? Oh no you didn't. I am sorry I don't have a penis and I am not gushing all over the place about how purty you are and how smart you are. Get over it. You took this damn job knowing you will work with both genders. If you wanted to only be around penis' then you should have become a stripper. Seriously...

Hotels officially suck...

2009-08-29T00:00:00.000-05:00

Hotels...go suck an egg. Because we decided to go away for a long weekend without kids we now have...bed bugs. I always thought that was something someone made up for a cute bed time rhyme. "Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite. If they do get a shoe and beat them till they're black and blue". I remember being told that and singing that to my parents and sister and brothers. Now, I have a new rhyme for the bed bugs. "Goodnight, sleep tight, or lay in bed wondering if that was a bed bug or was that. Is that one. What about that". I finally went to the couch. This is all after my wonderful, anxiety filled, no sleep night the previous night. Snakes and bed bugs. What a way to spend the last three days.
So bed bugs have become increasingly more rampant due to people staying in hotels and bringing them home with them.
I went to Nashville/Indianapolis and all I got was bed bugs. That should have been on a shirt I brought back.
I cannot believe that we have bed bugs. Our mattress is new as of February this year, we have all new bedding since January of this year. Our house is brand spanking new for petes sake. I blame the hotels. The kicker is we stayed at nice hotels. I could maybe see if we stayed at a run down dive but these are very nice, reputable, downtown hotels.
Did I mention I am pissed.
These little peckers are HARD to get rid of. We just spent the last 4 hours stripping beds(I would have given anything to have been actually stripping on the bed instead!), vacuuming our box springs, mattress, pillows, comforters, etc. We know this doesn't get rid of them but it will knock off any eggs that could be just moments from hatching. Ew. We are getting the house sprayed on Tues(really, that was as soon as you could get here, really, let my allow you to borrow our bedding to use until then, hell why don't we swap houses. I bet you will get here in an hour.) and we are doing everything the internet is suggesting.
Please send bed bug dying and extinction thoughts our way. If you are a member of PETA and don't feel comfortable doing so, please let me sleep in your bed and you can sleep in mine. Seriously...

I CANNOT BREATHE....

2009-08-27T22:28:00.000-05:00

Seriously, I am freaking out about this damn boa constrictor(maybe a slight exaggeration) I ran over yesterday. The last 24+ hours have been pure torture. We have a TON of windows facing the backyard, where the "incident" happened. Now, I am so sure there are 50 more out there that I am constantly looking for them. We live in IL for pete's sake and the wind is constant. Therefore everything in the yard looks like it is moving. *Heart racing* I can't even eat today. That is huge for me, I never lose my appetite. Maybe if I wasn't trying to eat while staring out the window! *Can't breathe* I couldn't sleep last night. I kept waking up my husband. I had lots of questions.

Me: Can snakes get in through drainage tile
Him: I am sleeping
Me: No you're not, you are talking to me
Him: No, they can't
Me: Are you sure, like for real this time
Him: *sigh* Yes, good night

A little bit later
Me: What about the garage, they can get in the garage can't they
Him: If you would keep the garage door down like I have asked you to, no
Me: What if there is already one in there...oh God *heart racing*
Him: The dog would have let us know
Me: Oh really, how, like he would say "hey mom and dad, there is a snake in the northeast corner of the garage in the pile of lumber"
Him: Yeah, something like that
Me: Whatever, please check the garage
Him: Ok
a few seconds later...
Me: well, aren't you going to go check
Him: really?!?!?

A little bit later
Me: How do we know there isn't a ton more out there.
Him: *silence*
Me: I heard you stop snoring, I know you are awake.
Him: still. sleeping.

It continued all day...I think I called him 16 times. This is serious people. Then tonight, he wants me to look at pictures of snakes online so I can help him identify which kind it was. UM...BIG HELLUVA NO!!!! Seriously...

I may never walk in my yard again...

2009-08-26T22:40:00.000-05:00

I am the mower of the lawn at our house. Mainly because I enjoy it but partly because it gives me a couple hours of no girls ~~whining~~ trying to get my attention. If you have been an avid reader of my blog you would already know that the lawn mower has taken advantage of me. Really. So last night my husband brought home the mower(it is used to mow all the farms) and I took that as my hint to get my ass on the mower. I started after Makayla got home from school. It only lasted about 20 minutes because her and Grace decided to push the door bell about 32 times. Que screaming one year old. Right before I call it quits I see something shoot out of the mower. I assume I ran over a mouse. I park the mower and don't get back to it until roughly 6ish. I am cruising along, enjoying the peace and quiet and dirt and bugs flying in my face. I thoroughly enjoy mouthing to Makayla that I can't hear her when she rides by on her bike, me not slowing down one bit. Whatever she has to tell me can wait. I check to make sure the house isn't on fire or she isn't bleeding first. Well while the family is on the deck I am going back to where I mowed the "mouse" and see a bloody mess in the yard. We are talking the size of a dinner plate mess. I get a little closer and notice it is dead, obviously, that is what going to Normal Community High School gets you, a good education!! I see it is "open" and that the outside of this mess is black and silver and......scaly!!!!!!!! Oh my f*ing sweet butter cream I f*ing mowed over a SNAKE!!!!!! Oh God, oh God, oh God. I high tail it over to the deck and force my husband to go over to the "mess" and tell me it is a frog, lizard, iguana(we don't typically have them in IL), anything other then a snake. Oh God, oh God, oh God. My husband promised me years ago that we live in a very unusual area that DOES NOT have snakes. Clearly he was lying to me. Yes, for my sanity, but still. I want to go back to yesterday when I thought snakes did not come near this area. How am I going to go outside again? Seriously...

Resentment is never pretty...

2009-08-26T08:16:00.000-05:00

While discussing all this going back to work stuff I have come up with this conclusion. Men are arrogant, selfish idiots. Don't look at me as a bitter mom being forced to join the working world again. I am looking forward to getting out of the house and I could stay home longer but feel part time is perfect for both Maggie and I! What makes it better is that I love the people I work for at Barnes. I love the job itself(98% of the time!). I love that patients are only there, at the most, 2 hours. If you don't like someone there is always someone else coming in to take their place. Our jobs are pretty much the same thing over and over but the people make it so radically different that it never gets boring. So here is my dilemma. I married my husband knowing what he did for a living and how it all works(can you tell I have been reminded of that ALOT). That being said, isn't marriage supposed to be a series of compromises and adjustments. My husband would like me to join on the insurance band wagon and become employed by either one of the insurance companies. He married me after dating me long enough to know my personality and how I tick. I think most people know that I crave change(thanks ADD!). I don't know that I would be a good fit for sitting in a cubicle with people surrounding me working on a computer all day dealing with insurance related topics(I think I would get bored, blog about my crazy boss and eventually get fired). If they asked me to blog about all that happens in a environment such as theirs I would jump to it. Unfortunately they don't have such a position. So, my point is why should I be forced to change what I have been doing for the last 13 years, the ONLY thing I have been doing for the last 13 years. All for health insurance. Is it worth it for me to go to work everyday making significantly less then I do know, for heath insurance. My husband also believes that these places would have set hours that are better for us, which is not a guarantee. He does what he loves and has no responsibility for family while he is doing so. Even in his "off" time, if something farm related comes up, there is no compromise. I do what I love, take care of the kids, house, running to practices, breakfasts, dinners, school functions, etc. all while knowing I can not call him if I am running late or need to stay late at work. I have to just "take care of it" So my question is, do I become like most moms and suck it up in the name of "family" or do I continue to do what I love because in the end, is resentment ever pretty?! Please understand that I love my husband more then anything, and this is the only thing that we can't seem to agree on. We obviously can make it paying insurance out of pocket as we have been doing. I don't know why I need to change professions which with the pay cut and out of pocket costs for insurance at large companies I don't see the benefit. Seriously...

Should I stay or should I go now....

2009-08-24T22:30:00.000-05:00

Now that I have that song in your heads, hehehehehe, I will explain. I work for a dentist who at the time I got hired had an associate. Well the associate left shortly after I gave birth to Maggie. Thanks to him leaving, I got my extended maternity leave I wanted!! I know, everything sounds wonderful. Until now. He still hasn't gotten another associate and I am ready to go back to work part time. I met with him today and left without an answer. I told him what I needed/wanted. We seem to be about 3-4 hours short. He is going to try to be "creative" and see what he can offer me. So my question is...do I stay or do I go now!!! Do I try to find a different part time gig doing what I love without the people I LOVE working with? Do I try to find something entirely different because it offers insurance? Do I try to find a different sitter that is more accommodating to my "new" schedule, what ever that will be? I am so lost right now. It was hard enough finding a sitter at all let alone for only 2 days. I guess I will just keep my fingers crossed and know that everything happens for a reason and wait to see what is behind all this!! Seriously...

Skunk

2009-08-23T21:45:00.000-05:00

Dumb dog, dumb, dumb dog. How can you get sprayed by a skunk for the third time in your short life. Really, you can't even leave the yard. I am through with you. Now, my house, my car, Maggies spare carseat, our coats, our shoes, probably our food in the freezer, oh and my husband smell like skunk. I may need to go to a hotel tonight to sleep. I will leave my husband and Murphy to snuggle with all their stinkiness. Clearly this calls for a mini vacay to Florida to visit my sister. It is like a sign from above, I am booking tickets right....now! Seriously...

DMV me ASAP...

2009-08-21T21:15:00.000-05:00

Who knew! Really, who knew. I have had an off couple of ~~weeks~~ days and thought what better way to make it worse then go to the DMV(department of motor vehicles)! I have put this trip off for, oh, 21 days. My sticker expired on July 31 and I just went today to get the new one. Opsies. So I brace myself for the worst. I have a one year old and a four year old, both of which are in craptacular moods. First surprise, it wasn't busy, really. Second surprise, I had everything I needed! Third surprise, EVERYONE, yes, everyone in the building....PLEASANT!! Two of the workers even laughed and joked with me! No shit! Clearly they could tell I am a funny girl. I even ventured to get my address changed(we moved in January...opsies) since it was such a rockin good time there. Yeah, finally, something to make me smile and get this huge chip off my shoulder. Don't worry, the girls had a whining match in the car after we left....welcome back grumpy ass!!! Seriously...

P.S. Happy 100th post to me!!! Thank you to all that have enjoyed, if not just laughed at this little ole blog that keeps me from going ape shit crazy. Clearly I would like more of you to sign in and actually follow me so I don't feel so pathetic looking at the lonely number at the side there! Really, even if you just pop in every once in a while, THANK YOU!!!!!!!! I am trying to get something together for a give away so keep checking back for details!!!

There was this time in band camp...

2009-08-20T22:07:00.000-05:00

Makayla had a chance tonight to try out 4 instruments of her choice. She tried
Baritone, Violin, Flute, and Oboe. She loved the baritone and oboe. Two completely different instruments. I am so impressed with her. She was so mature about everything, listened so well to instruction, and did EXTREMELY well!!! She was able to play all the instruments successfully. I was such a proud mom. She is growing up into such an amazing young woman. So now we are trying to figure out which instrument to pick. I have a feeling a band camp will be in our future!!Wish us luck...
On another note, what the hell is going on with our children these days. I could not believe how disrespectful the majority of the kids were. They were not listening, manhandling the instruments after being told not to. The parents were doing nothing! I was appalled. Parents, you are in charge, not the kids. I promise you will not "crush their spirit" if you discipline them. Please, for the future of our country, smack them every once in a while or I am afraid reality will!!! Seriously...

It is happy hour in some part of the world...

2009-08-19T14:49:00.000-05:00

It is now 2:50 central time. I am having a drink. Yes, it has been that kind of a day. My 10 year old got herself grounded last night. Today was the first half day of school. She must have been under the notion that all rules are off today because of that. Um, hell of a no. She has officially driven me to drink. I don't even like to drink. Today, is the exception. Tomorrow will probably be an exception too. Oh what the hell, lets not leave out Friday and Saturday, being that they are a normal persons drinking days. After I have calmed my nerves with a little Dr. Pepper and Captain I will post a letter I have yet to finish writing to my daughter on why she is grounded. Until then, the Dr. is calling!! Seriously...

That is how she rolls...

2009-08-16T09:43:00.001-05:00

I am getting ready this morning and hear Magdelicious(credit:Tanya Eileen McCowan) screaming from downstairs. I ignore it. I hear it again. I cuss a little but ignore it again. I hear it again. I scream "what is your sister screaming about". Kaylor(credit: Tanya Eileen McCowan) ~~screams~~ responds "it is just her being her". Well said, sista. Well said! Seriously...

Construction...

2009-08-15T12:10:00.000-05:00

I despise road construction. I actually do not like the theory of driving at all. I get mega car sick even across town so I blame it on that. Yesterday I load up the girlies to head to a super cool water park about 40 minutes away. I forgot that there is road construction on a good majority of the road to get there. *This is what happens when I try to be a good mom.* I have always thought the signs that say "left/right lane closed ahead" were clues to maybe, I don't know, get out of that lane?! Maybe I am wrong. Maybe they mean "most people will be smart enough to get out of this lane except for the couple of idiots who think they are clearly above such rules". So we are cruising along at a whopping 5 mph, when two cars(men drivers, need I say more) pass on the shoulder? Oh, I am sorry, were we going to slow for you. Perhaps you would have liked a police escort to the front of this jam. Oh, no, you are doing just fine with bypassing the 632 cars that are patiently waiting. Jack asses. Clearly, your time is way more valuable then us "regular" folk that actually abide by the rules of the road. I refuse to let anyone who has to be legally blind to not have seen the signs, therefore shouldn't be driving, get into the lane when they realize that yes, moron, that sign was meant for everyone! Thank you to all the people who refused to let these dumb asses in. It was the highlight of the trip to see these two sitting on the side with a dumbfounded look thinking "hey guys can I get in, sorry I was such a wienie back there, I have a small penis"! Seriously...

Priorities...

2009-08-13T21:16:00.000-05:00

So I used soda to get my one year old to sign "please" today. She did it. Continues to do it without the soda. We use whatever means we have to. Priorities, we will use a little flavored sugar water in order to get manners! Clearly, she may be a hyper and chunky girl, but at least she will be polite about it...don't judge me! Seriously...

Disclaimer...I do not give my daughter soda, the situation just happened to be the only drink I had at the time was my soda. Don't look at me like that, it is the same damn thing as juice and every parent thinks Kool-Aid is a god damn food group. You are welcome...

Are you kidding me...

2009-08-12T22:06:00.000-05:00

We are watching our 7 year old nephew for the night. He is something else. He informed me the other day that "screwing is the same as sex". I was shocked but he was listening to a song from "Chicago", the musical, and there is a phrase about screwing the milk man. I didn't know how to respond. Then that same day, he informed everyone without a hearing aid that "I have a penis". Yes, you do. Everyone knows that without you having to ~~scream~~ say that. Oh boys! Back to tonight. We went swimming today and due to our hectic schedule we didn't have time to shower at the pool. So tonight I made him shower. My husband got him all set in the shower and left to get a towel. He came back in to see him showering with the curtain wide open. There was water ALL over!!! Seriously, his response was "I forgot". Are you kidding me? Oh my wonderful nephew. Seriously...

Confessions...

2009-08-11T14:56:00.000-05:00

Confession #3...In second grade, we went outside for recess one day. Clearly we went out for recess most days but this particular day sticks out in my mind...still after all these years. Me and my friend Andrea were walking on the sidewalk when Nicola comes running by. She was not always the nicest girl. She told me my parents didn't love me because I had the smallest room in the house. Although I some times agreed, I know that it was because my sister was mean and she would have beat me up if they gave me the biggest room! Well, as Nicola was running by I tripped her! Really, I did. She ran crying to Mrs. Chase, who is one of my most favorite teachers ever!, and told her I tripped her. Mrs. Chase said "Now Nicola, Mrs. Sarcasm would not trip you on purpose. I am sure it was an accident". Score!!! Mrs. Chase didn't even make me apologize for "accidentally tripping" her!! I always that it was because she only wished she could have tripped her on purpose too!! Really, after all these years I still remember this. I can remember so many details of this day. I guess girls were catty back in my grade school days just as much as they are now! Seriously...

Makayla may need therapy...

2009-08-10T14:12:00.001-05:00

This morning, Makayla got up with her dad and helped him pick sweet corn to sell this afternoon. She drove the tractor and he picked. He tells me she did great, never once complained! I am proud of her for getting up that early and being pleasant the whole time. She had found a couple little ears of corn that never grew. They are pretty small, I would even venture to call them "cute". She named them "Bob". Later this morning we were getting gas and I opened up her door to ask her a question. I saw three "Bob's" sitting in the door. I asked her why they were in my car. She says, and I quote "because they are my friends". I burst out laughing. Really. I hurt her feelings. Clearly, I couldn't stop. She is 10, I didn't think she needed to take up having "corn buddies" when she has plenty of "human" friends. I really need to stop giving her reasons for therapy. I have a feeling she may need a therapy fund instead of a college fund. But she keeps us laughing...even if it is at her and not with her!!! Seriously...

Monkey Toes...

2009-08-08T09:28:00.000-05:00

Our family is known for its "monkey toes". We have the ability to pick up most objects with our feet. Seriously, we can pick up some crazy shit with our toes. Even my stubby little toes have amazing reach and strength! Well, this morning I picked up a nerf dart and threw it with my toes towards Magdelicious. She then tried to pick it up with her toes!!! Yeah, the monkey toes lives on...!!! Seriously...

Birthday girl...

2009-08-07T22:37:00.000-05:00

Seriously, I wish I could feel like this even 50% of the time!! I love her for her excitement of her world around here!!

My sweet, independent, stubborn, beautiful little girl turned one on Tuesday. It has been so much fun playing the "one year ago today at this moment we were.." game. It is interesting to see how differently my husband and I remember things and how differently we experienced the same event. Crazy!! So, Maggie woke up early on her birthday, almost as if she knew the day was all about her. I feel that birthdays should be the one day of the year that it is literally all about me the birthdayee! So of course, Maggie got her way all day long. Although now that I think about it...it was no different than any other day! She was in such a good mood, so happy. It made me fall in love with her even deeper then I realized possible. It stormed crazy in the morning, much like the morning she was born. I feel there is a direct correlation between that and her personality. I am so lucky that I got to spend the first year at home with her. We are partners in crime, joined this summer by Makayla. Back to the birthday, we got her pictures taken professionally. I was given a limit on what I could spend. Well, I took it as a suggestion. They were all SOOO good that I splurged ~~alot~~ a little! This is only the second time I got them taken professionally so it is ok! Long story somewhat made shorter...she opened presents and wanted to play with the toy she opened instead of finding out what was in the other packages. She LOVED her chocolate cupcake. White cupcake, not so much. I find that funny because neither of her parents are chocolate fans. Whose child are you!!! Then she eats everything in sight and realize, yes, you are my daughter!! She was in a great mood all day and didn't sleep worth shit that night. She wanted to keep partying! To my Maggie Lu...you have been such a wonderful addition to our family!! Thank you so much for being you and reminding us of how to love life!!! Seriously...

Boy vs. Girl

2009-08-03T23:33:00.000-05:00

I asked my husband to help me "tidy" up the kitchen before we went to bed tonight. This is what it looked like after he "tidied" up.

As embarrassed as I am showing you what it looked like, I felt like I had to get this point across. This is how my house would look everyday if it was up to him to keep it clean. I am the first to admit that I am no wonder woman when it comes to a clean house. It is a waste of time when you have two kids and a husband! This is what our house would look like if we were having friends over if it were up to him. He says "they don't care what our house looks like". Well maybe if it were a group of cavemen. He doesn't understand why I think it is embarrassing! They don't get it...and probably never will.
This is what it looked like when I was done "tidying" it up. I can hopefully sleep a little better now! Seriously...

Maggie Update

2009-08-01T11:56:00.000-05:00

In three days my baby girl will be one!!! It is so hard to believe that a year ago, she was still inside my stomach being "herself". How would I describe "her". I will tell you...

She is extremely stubborn, strong willed, full of life, independent, and the most amazing little girl ever!!! Makayla was always so easy going, laid back, adaptable, and of course, amazing as well!! Maggie, well, she is "colorful, spirited, and nothing like Makayla"! Here are some of Maggies "milestones":

She is down to one bottle a day...on her own doing.

She doesn't care to eat any more baby food. She will just have whatever we are having, thank you.

She is the ruler of this roost. She is in charge and if you ever question that, well, you will have to deal with her and she WILL set you straight.
She is not a cuddler except when it is time for bed and only because it happens so infrequently that she knows she gets to stay up a little later because of it!

She is very independent.

She has gone poop in the big potty twice now! Only because I saw her turning red and tried it out and she did go on the big potty, much to her dislike! Second was when dad was giving her a bath(hahahahahaha) and he saw bubbles...and didn't move quite fast enough!

She prefers to drink through a straw, and has been for about 4 months now. She can also drink from a cup if someone is holding it without spilling!!

She DOES NOT like to sleep in anything other then her crib. Not with us, not in a pack-in-play at a hotel, nowhere!

She can say momma, dada, baba, hot, bye, hi, uck, mmmmm(which is mooing which is referring to the cows). She waves and blows kisses. And of course the full mouth open kisses are a favorite of mine!!

She is very ticklish.

She is a HUGE flirt. She definitely has any boy she comes in contact with charmed within seconds.

She is a night owl and not a morning person, just like her mom!!

She has no fear.

She loves pushing buttons, figuratively and literally!

She is always thinking and studying things.

She loves outside and knows what that word means, so don't say it if you don't want to take her out.

She loves rocks!

She has a like/dislike relationship with Makayla. She likes to dislike her!!

She is going to be EJ's farm girl, loves getting dirty, digging for rocks, playing in his tool box, riding in tractors and rangers.

She has both mom and dad wrapped around her little finger like no ones business!!

I can't believe my Maggie Lu is turning one!!! It was been an amazing year and I am so lucky to have been able to stay home with her for all the changes and growing up that she ha done. It will be bittersweet come Sept. when I go back to work but I know that she will truly enjoy being around lots of kids her own age. I am sure it will be much tougher on me then her. Seriously...

Funny!

2009-07-31T21:35:00.000-05:00

Go to www.awkwardfamilyphotos.com!!! Now, don't wait, don't even finish this post.....just go! I tinkled a little in my panties, not going to lie. You need to bookmark this website for those bad days. This is a huge comic relief. Enjoy and you are welcome. Seriously...

Really!?!?!?!?!?

2009-07-27T11:54:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I am not usually one to bitch all the time ~~don't ask my husband~~ but that is exactly what I have for you today. My wonderful husband and I decided that our current life insurance amount wasn't sufficient. We met with our ins. agent's secretary for the brutal questioning about your every move over the last 10+ years. Well, my first "I can't believe you are asking me this" question was what is your weight. Um, hello, my husband is sitting right next to me as is my nosey daughter who is CONSTANTLY asking me how much I weigh. Clearly you must not be married, secretary lady. I will not tell you how much I weigh. What, you say you have to put something down. Put down "go to hell". Next, I know you don't know me or my family history. You ask me how my father died, being the question is did both of our parents live past 60. Well, no my father did not, my mother only hit 50 this year so I am hoping for the best! My daughter, in the room with us, does not know how her Grandpa died and now IS NOT the time I am going to get into that. So I ask said daughter to leave. Do you know how many times she has asked me since then why she had to leave...remember she is SUPER nosey. I have threatened to ground her. So I tell secretary lady why, she apologizes. THEN it gets better...she asks if our parents have a history of mental illness, cancer, blah, blah, blah. She looks at me and says "that is a yes for you". I about hit her in her face!!! Don't assume. He was never diagnosed, he was never treated, that is not how I want people to think of my Dad!!! He did have cancer so why not let me answer yes with that fact instead. I am not ashamed of my Dad in any way, shape or form. Just don't judge him or me. Damn people. So that is why I say "today can kiss my ass!!". Seriously...

Heaven Help Us...

2009-07-22T23:11:00.000-05:00

Since I have been home this summer with the girls I have noticed something. My daughter, the 10 year old, can be SO INCREDIBLY IRRITATING!!! Today she pushed my buttons. OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Towards the end of the day I just had to laugh. It was all I could do to stay sane. And that is when I realized she is, gulp, just like me! Pretend to hear me screaming here. Holy shit, what have I created. She is super nosey. She is super sensitive. She is super me!!! Seriously...

Buffet Britches...

2009-07-21T21:59:00.001-05:00

We spent a long weekend in Nashville sans kids and have I got some stories to tell!!! While we were enjoying ~~alcohol~~ adult time, I observed some very interesting things. I will share them randomly as I remember them. ;) I really enjoyed some quality time with my hubby and ~~adults~~ friends!!

The best phrase I heard while in Lynchburg touring the Jack Daniels Distillery was by a gentleman who works with my hubby's Aunt(they work for Brown-Forman who owns JD). We went to Mrs. Mary Bobo's for lunch and it was served family style. YUM-O! He told us to make sure we had on some "buffet britches" for this meal we were about to eat. He had a perfect southern drawl and was the cutest! It made me laugh out loud!! I talk about "buffet britches" all the time now, against my husbands wishes! Thanks Frank! Seriously...

So not me...

2009-07-15T23:07:00.000-05:00

I went shopping. Yes, I went shopping. And for myself. I even bought two dresses. I never buy or wear dresses. AND, they are a size smaller then I normally wear!! Yeah me. Here they are:

They fit really good. They are comfortable. What more can you ask for. Uh-oh, I think I may be excited about clothes again!! Ok, it passed. Whew. That was a close one! Seriously...

Busted...

2009-07-14T22:45:00.000-05:00

So I had this really funny post about not giving any to my husband tonight because mowing the lawn tonight on a new mower was like starring in a porn, even the cows, who were retreating when I started, decided to come back for the show. It was SO bumpy that it looked like I was having relations with the mower. Clearly, all I needed was a vibrating button on the seat and wouldn't have complained so much about the bumpiness. Seriously, I felt violated. Anywhos, I was on the computer tonight, reading blogs, and my husband said something and I half-assed answered. Then I pretended to hear what he was saying. A few minutes later I made a comment about a girl on Big Brother and he just looked at me. Uh-oh....busted! I guess that is what "we" were talking about a few minutes before. Opsie!!! Seriously...

Confessions...

2009-07-14T12:45:00.000-05:00

Confession #2~ I despise water! Every once in a while I get a hankerin for it. Like after Pizza Hut pizza with pork topping. That is it. I gave up Dr. Pepper almost a month ago. Actually I gave up dark soda altogether. I am VERY proud of myself. Now I find myself not drinking anything. I do not like anything sweet like kool-aid, or fruity flavored water. That doesn't leave much. I get a glass of ice water(which I need ice to make it tolerable) and it sits and melts and sweats all over the counter. My husband loves that I am leaving full glasses of water all over the house. He says it is nice to be able to grab a drink anywhere he is without doing any of the work. Funny him. So I realized how bad I was when it was 3:30 in the afternoon and I had not had ANYTHING to drink yet. I think that is bad. I will work on it. Maybe that is why I have headaches all the time!? Huh, maybe I will look into that! Seriously...

Check out this giveaway!!

2009-07-13T10:14:00.001-05:00

Head on over to this website~http://aprilbaker23.blogspot.com/2009/07/giveaway-for-kiddos.html ~and check out April's wonderful Giveaway! I love their yogurt and would highly recommend it to anyone who eats yogurt!