Funny!

Go to www.awkwardfamilyphotos.com!!! Now, don't wait, don't even finish this post.....just go! I tinkled a little in my panties, not going to lie. You need to bookmark this website for those bad days. This is a huge comic relief. Enjoy and you are welcome. Seriously...

Really!?!?!?!?!?

Ok, so I am not usually one to bitch all the time don't ask my husband but that is exactly what I have for you today. My wonderful husband and I decided that our current life insurance amount wasn't sufficient. We met with our ins. agent's secretary for the brutal questioning about your every move over the last 10+ years. Well, my first "I can't believe you are asking me this" question was what is your weight. Um, hello, my husband is sitting right next to me as is my nosey daughter who is CONSTANTLY asking me how much I weigh. Clearly you must not be married, secretary lady. I will not tell you how much I weigh. What, you say you have to put something down. Put down "go to hell". Next, I know you don't know me or my family history. You ask me how my father died, being the question is did both of our parents live past 60. Well, no my father did not, my mother only hit 50 this year so I am hoping for the best! My daughter, in the room with us, does not know how her Grandpa died and now IS NOT the time I am going to get into that. So I ask said daughter to leave. Do you know how many times she has asked me since then why she had to leave...remember she is SUPER nosey. I have threatened to ground her. So I tell secretary lady why, she apologizes. THEN it gets better...she asks if our parents have a history of mental illness, cancer, blah, blah, blah. She looks at me and says "that is a yes for you". I about hit her in her face!!! Don't assume. He was never diagnosed, he was never treated, that is not how I want people to think of my Dad!!! He did have cancer so why not let me answer yes with that fact instead. I am not ashamed of my Dad in any way, shape or form. Just don't judge him or me. Damn people. So that is why I say "today can kiss my ass!!". Seriously...

Heaven Help Us...

Since I have been home this summer with the girls I have noticed something. My daughter, the 10 year old, can be SO INCREDIBLY IRRITATING!!! Today she pushed my buttons. OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Towards the end of the day I just had to laugh. It was all I could do to stay sane. And that is when I realized she is, gulp, just like me! Pretend to hear me screaming here. Holy shit, what have I created. She is super nosey. She is super sensitive. She is super me!!! Seriously...

Buffet Britches...

We spent a long weekend in Nashville sans kids and have I got some stories to tell!!! While we were enjoying alcohol adult time, I observed some very interesting things. I will share them randomly as I remember them. ;) I really enjoyed some quality time with my hubby and adults friends!!

The best phrase I heard while in Lynchburg touring the Jack Daniels Distillery was by a gentleman who works with my hubby's Aunt(they work for Brown-Forman who owns JD). We went to Mrs. Mary Bobo's for lunch and it was served family style. YUM-O! He told us to make sure we had on some "buffet britches" for this meal we were about to eat. He had a perfect southern drawl and was the cutest! It made me laugh out loud!! I talk about "buffet britches" all the time now, against my husbands wishes! Thanks Frank! Seriously...

So not me...

I went shopping. Yes, I went shopping. And for myself. I even bought two dresses. I never buy or wear dresses. AND, they are a size smaller then I normally wear!! Yeah me. Here they are:



They fit really good. They are comfortable. What more can you ask for. Uh-oh, I think I may be excited about clothes again!! Ok, it passed. Whew. That was a close one! Seriously...

Busted...

So I had this really funny post about not giving any to my husband tonight because mowing the lawn tonight on a new mower was like starring in a porn, even the cows, who were retreating when I started, decided to come back for the show. It was SO bumpy that it looked like I was having relations with the mower. Clearly, all I needed was a vibrating button on the seat and wouldn't have complained so much about the bumpiness. Seriously, I felt violated. Anywhos, I was on the computer tonight, reading blogs, and my husband said something and I half-assed answered. Then I pretended to hear what he was saying. A few minutes later I made a comment about a girl on Big Brother and he just looked at me. Uh-oh....busted! I guess that is what "we" were talking about a few minutes before. Opsie!!! Seriously...

Confessions...

Confession #2~ I despise water! Every once in a while I get a hankerin for it. Like after Pizza Hut pizza with pork topping. That is it. I gave up Dr. Pepper almost a month ago. Actually I gave up dark soda altogether. I am VERY proud of myself. Now I find myself not drinking anything. I do not like anything sweet like kool-aid, or fruity flavored water. That doesn't leave much. I get a glass of ice water(which I need ice to make it tolerable) and it sits and melts and sweats all over the counter. My husband loves that I am leaving full glasses of water all over the house. He says it is nice to be able to grab a drink anywhere he is without doing any of the work. Funny him. So I realized how bad I was when it was 3:30 in the afternoon and I had not had ANYTHING to drink yet. I think that is bad. I will work on it. Maybe that is why I have headaches all the time!? Huh, maybe I will look into that! Seriously...

Check out this giveaway!!

Head on over to this website~http://aprilbaker23.blogspot.com/2009/07/giveaway-for-kiddos.html ~and check out April's wonderful Giveaway! I love their yogurt and would highly recommend it to anyone who eats yogurt!

Really!?!?!?!?!?

To you lady at Schnucks today, I did not run over your child with my shopping cart. You can glare at me all you want. Your little precious princess was walking forward into the store while looking back. I thought for sure that she would turn around before she got too close. I couldn't move my cart out of her way, being that you guys came in the wrong door. I am not judging! Nor am I saying it is her fault. Ok, maybe a little. She was old enough to know to walk forward while looking forward. It was a tight space. I froze, I couldn't say anything fast enough. And then BAM, she literally walks right into my cart and falls to the floor. My instinct is too say "oh no, are you okay, I'm sorry". I guess that was my mistake. I admitted guilt without being guilty. I guess that gave the mom reason to think I ran her princess down. Oh and I truly am sorry that Maggie laughed at you! Seriously...

Confessions...

Confession #1~I don't like doing things girls are supposed to like doing. I don't want to spend 2 hours to get my hair to look like I just walked off the red carpet, only to go to the store. Ponytails are the easiest right now. Magdelicious gets aggressive and yanks on it and pulls it. Plus she is always eating and has gooey fingers all the time. My clothes I can change, I can't wash my hair every hour. I don't want to spend all the money it would take to have a regular wardrobe. My husbands old t-shirts are perfect, they can take what an almost one year old can throw at me and they wash well. I would rather spend the money on the girls, there stuff is cheaper and they grow out of it so fast. My eyebrows are a tad, ok, grossly overgrown. I don't mind it so much, you should see my husbands. Clearly, I am hoping the Brooke Shields look comes back in style! So, that is my confession for today. I feel better. If my husband had a problem with any of the above situations I would do something about it. I do shower every day, ok almost everyday. Really, isn't Sunday supposed to be a free pass! In our house it is! I shave my legs regularly, I brush my teeth. I use moisturizer with sunscreen. I use lotion alot, especially my hands. I want to be soft. I just don't feel that my appearance should be "fake" and anything other then what I am doing now, would be. He loves me for me and I have never been anyone but me so this is what he fell in love with. It must have been my dance moves or my humor!!! Seriously...

Quiet time....

Tonight, after dinner, which I ate cold so my "couldn't wait even 2 seconds between bites" daughter could eat, I had a belly ache. I have some real issues with this problem and usually it is warranted. But tonight it was a false alarm. Only I didn't tell my hubby that. I enjoyed the 5 minutes of peace and quiet. Even if it is in a room that most people don't just hang out in. It was just me, all by myself, no whining, no grunting and pointing and trying to figure out what "huh huh" is, no "mom, mom, mom", no signing for "more". Oh it was heaven! It was all over when I heard a bang bang bang on the door and my hubby asking "where's mommy"?. Well it was nice while it lasted!! What does it mean when I get excited to have a belly ache and escape to the bathroom to get some "me" time?! Seriously...

What was I thinking...

Why would anyone start painting their toenails AND fingernails when their almost one year old, who never takes two naps was 1 hour into her 2nd nap!!! Yah, she cried until my nails were dry. I wasn't going to waste the polish since I haven't painted both sets of nails in YEARS. Good thing Dad came home after only a couple minutes of crying. I was only trying to save money!! BTW, it was Rodeo Rose by OPI! Seriously...

Wait, what just happened...

I wanted to take Makayla to a movie tonight. It is a movie she has been wanting to see. It is at the dollar theatre which is my old workplace. And the best popcorn in town!! So it is a win-win situation. Magdelicious is uber cranky today and it was a chance for me to get out of the house and do something non-baby related. Well, I am home blogging about and not going to the movie as my husband and daughter are on their way to see a full price movie!! How did this all happen in one hour. When my DH got home, I told him my plan. He asked if we are all going. I said a big helluva NO. He then asked me to see what time a movie he has been wanting to see was playing. I told him it wasn't at the dollar theatre. Well, he left it up to Makayla. Um...hello!, clearly she wants to see YOUR movie, it is a new release. So, I am stuck at home. with cranky. with a big ole hankerin for a specific movie theatre popcorn. that my husband said he won't go across town to get. I know, sucks huh. Oh and cranky is just getting crackers for dinner tonight along with her bottle, I am pouting(don't judge me)! Well don't worry, I got my ways to get back at him...no popcorn for me, no "dessert" in bed for him. I love being a girl!!! Seriously...

P.S. Happy Birthday Dad!! Hope you like your balloons and notes. And your strawberry milkshake and your Butterfingers candy bar(sorry I couldn't do the cigarette)! We all miss you like crazy! See you in our dreams!

I fought the lawn and the lawn won!!!

I enjoy mowing! Well, I use to at least. We are on 3 acres and it is a new riding mower and it is a little tricky. It is one that has two handles and can be confusing to use. Clearly! I think they are called zero-turn mowers. Any ways, we have 90 blue spruce baby trees about 2 feet tall and we have little flags marking our underground dog fence. That makes for a very cranky mower, meaning me. I think we are down about 4 trees and maybe have 20 out of 50 flags still standing. Oppssie. Add to that our "hill" out front was perfectly graded and then we got a hell of a torrential down pour and have huge ruts through out the yard. That makes for a bouncy ride. I hit a couple of them hard and bounced me off that seat and the mower shut off. Safety mechanism. I thought I broke it. So yes, the lawn kicked my ass BUT it looks awesome if I do say so myself. As my dad always said, looks like a golf course(probably not one you would want to golf on though!! :)). But like most husbands, so unappreciative, he didn't give me any props for how awesome it looks. Instead he asks what happened to all the dog fence flags. Really! I told him to be glad I like mowing, most girls don't!!! What he doesn't know is that I hit a couple of big rocks and am pretty sure the blades will need sharpening. That is what you get for not telling me what an awesome job I did!!! Seriously...

Maggie by Coach

Yes, you read that right, Coach came out with a Maggie handbag line. Could it be any cuter!! It is a style I actually like. My sister got me a Coach Scribbles tote for my diaper bag so, clearly, I only feel it is to stay in perfect harmony for Maggie's first bday to get mom, er I mean Maggie, this one as well. What do you think?! On the Coach website in the new section it says "Maggie is Marvelous" and I couldn't agree more!! Seriously...

Addicted

Us Weekly

Glamour

Cosmopolitan

Parents

Better Homes and Gardens

Family Circle

Real Simple

Cookie

Ladies Home Journal

This is my current magazine subscriptions list!! I think I may have over done it a bit!! I have no idea what Ladies Home Journal is about, I got three years for $16, so I hope it has a little something I will like. Cookie is a magazine for moms, some cute things in there. Real Simple is the most expensive but I LOVE IT!!! Family Circle is okay, I have used a recipe or two out of it, and a craft. BHG, what was I thinking. I will probably never make anything from this one. It is all fancy and too much. The fashion mags make me feel like someday I will get it together and care about what I wear and how I look. The parenting mags and pretty informative. My favorite is Us Weekly. I love seeing stars in everday pics. And of course catching up on all the juicy gossip. Unfortunately, half of these magazines are still in there plastic wrap from the mail. Maybe when I go back to work I will take them to work with me and read them at lunch!! I am sure I am missing out on something I can't live without! Seriously...

P.S. Anyone recommend any others??? I am always looking for something new!!! Ok, I am headed to magazine addicts anonymous right now!