xmas 2010

With Love Chartreuse Christmas Card

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I LOVE LOVE LOVE Shutterfly!! I have made numerous photo books, two baby announcements and lots of prints from this wonderful website! Clearly, you should too! They seriously have the best variety and very modern designs! I get so excited when I see those colorful little bubbles come to my doorsteps!! Thanks Shutterfly, you have done it again! Seriously...

Men are mentally disabled...

Ok, this is a husband bashing post. If you do not care to hear the rest of this, please click the x!! I am writing this post with the utmost respect and love for the man I married. He, like myself, is far from perfect. I get that. However, this is America, Land of the Free, and I can say whatever the hell I want to. So here the story goes...


Our beautiful 2 year old is refusing naps. Completely. With every ounce of her being. This is not ok for her momma. Momma needs her to nap. Not because I want the alone time. She NEEDS the nap. I call my husband, who is farming, to tell him that a certain 2 year old is coming to ride with him. I tried for 2 and a half hours to get her to nap. I needed a break as did she. He says I will be home in an hour. Perfect, our 11 year old has a school dance tonight and I am taking three girls. He can take them. Along with said 2 year old. He gets home and informs me that he is taking the trailblazer so no room for 2 year old. I cry. I say ,take the van. He says he is going to see if the tire place is open so he can get the tires rotated on trailblazer. I cry harder. Seriously, what planet is he on that he does not understand simple communication. I CLEARLY expressed that I needed a break. He then calls me and tells me that he is going to stop by his sisters house to say hi since we were invited to go carve pumpkins tonight. I say LIKE HELL YOU ARE!!! I think he finally got the hint. Although, I say that and I am sure he will say something equally stupid before I go to bed. Calgon, take me away! Seriously...


The only thing that keeps me from going insane is this! Enjoy and you're welcome!

Someday...

I will get sleep, have a clean house, have friends that aren't my daughters friends' parents. Someday I will be able to go to the post office without burning 200 calories trying to get the double stroller out of the van, loaded, kids buckled and then get inside to realize I forgot my package to be mailed...at home. Someday, my cabinets won't have locks on them that I can't get open but my two year old can. Someday I will stop buying cute "couldn't pass up something this cute that is handmade" things on ETSY that has my husband wondering if we had our identity stolen and someone is spending our money at an alarming rate. Someday my preteens defiance, stubbornness and strong will will make sense. Someday I will have free time at night, my house will be quiet and clean and empty. I don't want that someday to ever be here. As much as life has been super crazy, I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. However, that being said, my Uncle Pat, who is amazing, told me once that having children is like being pecked to death by chickens. I couldn't agree more! Good thing I like chicken and eggs! Seriously...

Does hazard pay come with my 2 year old...

I have 13, visible to me, bruises. I could tell you all that I got into a wicked bar fight with Paris and Lindsay since we were spotted at Les Duex wearing the same outfit, which I clearly rocked out better then them being I don't have the cocaine problem. But sadly, that is not how I got them. I am going to blame my never stop for a second, aggressive, full of energy 2 year old. I am almost positive that she has her gooey, slobbery fingerprints allllll over them. Well except for that one I got when I ran into the counter at Office Depot, and yes you pimply faced college student, I heard you choke on your own saliva laughing at me. Good thing I thought it was pretty funny too or I would have kicked your ass, see above, I am not one to mess with! ;) Back to the destroyer or better known as Maggie. This is what we have experienced in the last week.

~~Finger nail polish on 30% of her body and on a 3 inch section of my bedroom carpet...finger nail polish remover DOES NOT remove finger nail polish from carpet...FYI!

~~A hole in the wall....no idea what happened. She says "I bonked my head" and "I bit my tongue"...all while I was in the shower, seriously maybe 8 minutes

~~Half a bottle of hand sanitizer was expertly rubbed in like lotion on all exposed skin...thankfully not from the neck up....and maybe we will get past this cold bug we have now that she is so "sanitized"

~~I may have a black eye as a result of a very eager 2 year old excitedly "giving" me a book for us to read. Clearly, I need to pay more attention to her demands.

~~Her new phrases are "Oh my Jesus", "GGGOOOOSSSSHHHH"(sounds just like I typed it), "God Damnit", "but Mia wants it" when she gets something that she knows she can't have.

Seriously, I am exhausted, feel defeated and think I may need hazard pay to continue to raise Maggie. Seriously...

Is this how I will be famous...

I am pretty sure I am going to be making headline news tomorrow. I am going to be the first person to have their head actually explode from sinus pressure. As much as I would like to be famous, have to have my hair and make up done every time I leave the house just in case the paparazzi are hiding in my...errr, grass?!, I don't want it to be because my head exploded. Because then I won't really be photograph ready, now will I? And it would be really messy. And I don't want to have to clean it up. Because I know my family won't. Seriously...

*EDIT* I can't believe I am about to say this. I think I would like to go to work when I am sick. It is easier then dealing with my sick 2 year old, healthy and chunky and eating all the time 10 week old, and sassy, up my hiney all the time 11 year old. Plus, I get paid. Seriously...

Temper Tantrums oh my.....

We are officially in the terrible twos. She was actually in the terrible twos starting about 6 months ago, maybe longer! But today, full blown laying on the ground, kicking, fist banging, crying just to cry, tantrum!! Yep, that is just how she rolls. I love her and her tantrums. I guess I will love going to work on Monday and Tuesdays even more now! As long as she saves all her goodness for the Grandmas that are graciously watching the girls while I go back to work, she can throw them all she wants for me! I can't afford to lose my wonderful sitters. How do they know to be good for others and be their "true" selves for us moms and dads!?Seriously...

What a looooong weekend...

I am not a party planner, at all! I procrastinate with the best of them and then freak out when it is crunch time. Thankfully I have the best mom in the world and she saved me this weekend. It was my sister's wedding shower. I will give you a lil background on what I am working with. My sister stated when she was a teenager that her goal in life was to be a snob. I personally think she is too personable and nice to be a snob but she has managed to be, oh, shall I say, high maintenance! BridezillaTanya loves all things name brand. Me, I shop at Target and Old Navy. I do love when she brings me things to wear though! Banana Republic is not an area where they grow banana's but a nice, albeit expensive, clothing store! So, I tried to give her the best shower as she always goes above and beyond for everyone. I hope I succeeded. It was fun and stressful but thankfully it is over. I grew grass for her, made cinnamon shakers, had her favorite candies, moved couches and the biggest thing I did was clean my house for her. Well actually only the first floor! I did it because I love her and even if we live completely different lifestyles, have different taste and don't always see eye to eye, she is my sister and I wouldn't trade her for anyone else! Ok, maybe Jennifer Aniston, but only for a day! Seriously...

So I am a Liar...

Yep, I guess you are all thinking I am a big fat liar. Well back off, I just had a baby. Oh wait, I was focusing on the big fat part of that statement! Clearly, I am a tad bit sensitive on that issue. I know, not great. Well since we live in the country, modern technology is not so easy. We have been without internet for almost 5 days now. I am at my moms house to check my email and pawn hyper soon to be two year old off on my brother. How am I surviving without the internet you may ask? Check out the picture from my last blog, you will see how! As Logical Libby said...I am too busy "nom noming" her cheeks!!! I will be back soon...Seriously...

This is why I have been gone, I know, beautiful....

I have been slightly pre-occupied by this lil cutie pie. She is my sugar bear, my sunshine, my everything. She is the child God knew I needed. She is content, calm, happy, easy...I could go on and on!! She loves her momma too, and I wouldn't change that for anything. Here are a few one-liners from our family convo's!!

Maggie on seeing me feed Mia for the first time.
~~"Mia eatin boobies?" , "yes Maggie, Mia gets milk from mom's boobies" About an hour later, EJ comes home and she runs to tell him "Mia eatin boobies!!!" Seriously, can she get any cuter!

EJ says and I quote "I sure wish someone would wake me up by putting boobs in my face" when I was trying to get Mia to eat after she fell asleep right after she started eating.

Maggie wanted to help me feed Mia, so she rests her hand on my boob and watches cartoons.

Maggie helping the boys put together our brand new playground in the backyard~~"God damn it"....hmmm wonder where she gets that from.

Makayla has a cell phone, against my better wishes. It has proven to be more of a pain in the ass then she was begging for it!

It seems that all of a sudden, since June 1st, EJ has miraculously started sleeping sooo soundly at night that he doesn't hear a damn thing. Ironic!

I will have to fill you in on all the other fun stuff that is happening around here next time. I promise to be back, maybe not everyday! I miss my stress release that blogging gives me. Seriously...

"blow me mom"...

Maggie had a bad diaper rash a couple months ago. You know the kind, raw and produces a hyperventilation type reaction from her. Well after I put medicine on it and she still was crying without breathing I blew on it to cool it down. It helped. Now, she says "blow" after begging for medicine when we change her diaper. Clearly she is a little weird. Friday while changing her, she said "blow me mom". Really, did my 21 month old just say blow me? I can't wait until she is being changed by the sitter/Grandpa/Grandma/anyone other then myself or her dad and have her say "blow me"!!! Seriously...

A shopping cart kicked my ass today....

Actually, 2 shopping carts kicked my ass. I have been in dire need to go grocery shopping. I despise grocery shopping with my youngest daughter. So, logically, I have put it off until there was absolutely nothing for her to eat for breakfast this a.m.. She had some Goldfish crackers and a juice. Really, I just admitted it. She got up really early this morning but it was only 10 a.m. so I thought she could handle the trip. We tried yesterday but didn't even make it out of the car. I knew better. Today, we made it into the store. That is when she spotted "Sandi the horse" that she has NEVER even been on before. All she did was scream "I ride the horse, I ride the horse" and kick me as I am trying to hold onto her. I told her no and tried putting her in the cart. And tried again, and again, and again. It literally took me probably 30 attempts at putting her into the damn cart before I was able to get her damn feet into the squares and get her legs to bend at the same time(seriously, I am 9 months pregnant and not one person stopped to see if I could use some help...). Clearly, the shopping carts were invented by a man with no kids. After all that, the f*ing seat belt didn't latch, and Maggie needs to be strapped in! So, I take a deep breathe, try to find a cart that the seat belt latches and grab her out of the cart. BIG MISTAKE. This cart's belt did indeed buckle, however, the little plastic seat that kids bottoms sit on, well that wouldn't stay down. So I make a few attempts at getting her into the cart and the plastic part keeps flipping up, covering the feet holes. I feel like a complete failure. I have tears streaming down my face and can't breathe. Maggie is screaming the whole time. I grab her and walk out. We didn't even make it past the carts. I got to the van and literally sobbed and cried like I haven't cried in a loooong time. I threw in the towel and decided we could survive with another meal of goldfish and juice. Who needs milk, eggs, bread, breakfast food, lunch food, dinner food...etc. We still have leftover Easter candy. I think there may even be an old Smart One's meal we could share. A little freezor burn never hurt anyone, did it? Seriously...

Has it been that long really?...

Sooooo, how is everyone? It has been awhile, no? Well I am now 36 weeks pregnant! Having some contractions, the Doctor says she will take me anytime this baby wants to come! Scary. This pregnancy has gone by sooo fast. I can't believe how fast it goes when you want it to go slow. I don't think I am quite ready for a lil precious newborn who doesn't like sleeping at night. Since Maggie isn't even 2 yet, my days will be filled with handling her and not a lot of time for "sleeping when the baby sleeps"! Did I mention before in my posts that Maggie can be a handful. That is an understatement by the way. Makayla is wonderful with helping, however she is needy in her own ways. She wants everything to be equal. That is driving me more crazy then Maggie climbing onto the bar at the sitters and handing out beer glassed to the other kids. This would be a good time to mention they were sleeping and she just threw them into the pack-n-plays! I love her spunk. Makayla has a heart of gold but she is sooooo sensitive. How did I end up with such different personalities in my kids. Can't wait to see how this lil peanut turns out! Hopefully a good mix. I am hoping to get back on the blogging bandwagon. You know, just in time to have a baby. Wish me luck, Lord knows I need it! Seriously...

A letter to my forgotten best friend...

Dear Advil~

I cannot explain to you how I have missed you so much. Only 72 more days to go and we will be reunited and it will feel SO good! I plan on taking you to the hospital with me and taking you as soon as baby Kelley enters this world. If I only have you by my side, I will be a happy girl. Since my husband was left dumbfounded by the whole birthing process last time, you actually may be more support then he was! You will hold my hand and tell me it will be ok, won't you. You will tell me that you can't imagine the kind of pain I must be in and ask me if I am some kind of superhero...even after I have the epidural. You will tell me that I can get through the labor and delivery because you will be there waiting for me after it is over. While everyone is looking at the beautiful baby, I will be begging asking for a fountain Dr. Pepper so I can take FOUR of my bestest friends in the whole wide world! Oh, Advil, I have called out for you so many times and respected your ability to stay away when I needed you so much. Like last night, you were searched for and no where to be found...thank goodness or I would have taken you! My baby thanks for you being "lost". Of all the things that pregnancy has restricted me from, you are by far the hardest to handle. Don't you worry, little green liquid filled wonderfulness. You will be joining me daily come June. I can't wait to have our relationship back. I will make a promise to you...that there are no more 9 month periods where we are forced to stay apart. I know it is just as hard on you(the company's stock plummeted when I stopped taking you...for that I will make it up to you.). Just know I think about you several times a day and you will never be replaced permanently. Tylenol doesn't do shit for me. You are truly a girls best friend!! Seriously...

Another feel sorry for me post...

This week has been ridiculous. This is a post about my 10 year old going on 18 year old baby girl. This past Friday, she had "the talk" at school. You know the one. Where they take all the boys out to play kickball and the girls have to watch a movie about a mom and daughter talking about getting periods. The one I saw had a mom making pancakes in the shape of a woman's reproductive organs. I don't think I ate pancakes for years after that. Makayla's traumatizing moment was when they demonstrated how to insert a tampon on a mannequin. She said that she is NOT going to get her period and she is NOT going to put "that thing" "there". Amen sista. If only we could control that!

She also has junior high school cheerleading tryouts this week. Insert me anxiously sighing and heart racing! I am not ready for this. I don't think she is ready either. Or maybe it is just me and my insecurities that make it seem she is not ready. Ok, it is completely me! I will have a newborn, a toddler and a junior high school student in only a couple months! Breathe, breathe, breathe.

She still offers some moments that just make us laugh. You know when she isn't being sassy and talking back. When I picked her up last night, she was talking to a girl. I asked if she just met her that day. Here is our convo...
Her: Mom, that is Madison M
Me: Who is that
Her: From my class at school
Me: (I am not racist. We go to a very small school and there is only one class per grade. I simply thought I knew all the kids in her class.) The black girl?
Her: (Looking at me like she is disgusted with what I just said) You mean chocolate (said with an attitude)

I love that she thinks of skin color as a flavor. Not sure if that is "right" but for right now, I think it is perfect!

As soon as my precious baby is here, I am going to start drinking wine....heavily. Seriously...

I. Was. Wrong.

Did you feel the earth rumble when I typed those words out? Yes, that is me admitting I was wrong. I even apologized! It all started last Monday night when my husband and I fought over who was going to take Magdelicious to parent/tot class at the gym KayKay cheers for. We were actually fighting because we both wanted to take her. So I let him win and take her. I figured he is going to be in the field soon and I will welcome the help!

It took everything I had to stay in the parents viewing area and not go switch places with him. He was sweating and I didn't understand why. He was simply moving the lil one from station to station. He also let her run off and didn't try to get her back to her station. I guess I am more of a control freak then I thought. So I made fun of him and grilled him on why he was sweating, why he didn't have more control over her and why he didn't make her do more. I will take this time to remind you that she just turned 19 months last week.

Well, today I ate my words and took back everything I said to him last week. I attended lil M's class with her and it was the longest 35 minutes ever. Oh and her class is 45 minutes long, EJ finished the last 10 minutes with her. Yes, I tagged him in when I couldn't hold my need to pee any longer. And I didn't go back! Magdelicious has a mind of her own, very strong willed. She tested my patience and then some. KayKay had her cheerleading practice at the same time and that didn't help with keeping lil M's attention on her own class. I was more frustrated that the teacher expected a 19 month old to be able to understand and obey every command. I maybe expected to much out of the class or too much out of my daughter. But the most important thing is that she loves the class and has fun even with her mean old mom making her stay at her station.

Dad is taking her next week. And hopefully the next one after that. Seriously...

Lesson learned...don't use your dentures as a weapon!

A gentleman(term used loosely) came into the office yesterday and asked Dr. Wonderful if he could fix his denture. Dr. W looked at them and told him he could. He tried explaining how his top denture could have cracked like it did, giving him all the scenarios. Well the guy stopped him and said "oh no, I took them out and threw them at her(pointing to the woman with him) and she stepped on them". I swear to you, word for word that is what he said. The woman, just smiled. Dr. W told him it would take him a couple hours to get them fixed and asked if they could come back later for them. He said that wouldn't be a problem. He had to go to court and that would take a while. Really folks, that was the highlight of my day! I giggled all day thinking of how that scene must have played out! Seriously...

My husband....thank God he is hot...

I LOVE my husband more then anything on this planet(before I get yelled at, my kids are numero uno, but it is a different kind of love...no rude remarks please). Some days are easier then others. Wednesday was a tough day. Actually, we have been in a bit of a slump. I am tired, he doesn't do enough to help, blah blah blah. So he went to the grocery store for me on Wed. afternoon. I went to actually make breakfast this a.m. and do you know what my choices were. Cereal. Yep, that is it. That is what we have almost every week day. I wanted more this a.m. But don't you guys worry, he did manage to get:

a pork roast
a regular roast
chicken breasts
5 pounds of hamburger
hotdogs
milk
bag of chips
apples
oranges
chicken noodle soup

That about sums it up. So we have enough protein we need for the next month but what shall we have with it and for other meals, like breakfast. Hmmm. Not sure. I think I may need to go to the store. I guess I should feel honored that he tried to take on the shopping. Maybe next time he could just watch the girls while I go. Seriously...

Holy time loss batman...where have I been

I cannot believe that it has been so long since I have posted. Plenty has happened to post about, there just hasn't been enough time in a day to do it. So with that said, I am sooo tired that I am going to just give you some random thoughts by me. Enjoy...

~If you are 32 and decent looking but only have 5 functioning teeth left, don't give us a hard time that your dentures are too pink in the gums. Really, you didn't want to brush, take care of your teeth and now you think the gums of your denture are too pink for your ethnicity. Wow, that is all I have to say. Where was all that concern for your appearance about 20 years ago.

~The turkeys are still harassing us. They chased Makayla from the bus stop back up to the house two mornings ago. She came back inside out of breath and on the verge of tears saying "the turkeys are chasing me". Seriously, even getting free chicken eggs from the turkey's dad, I am thinking we may have to shoot the turkeys and start buying eggs again. Not worth it. Although, Maggie loves watching the turkeys when they are on our front porch. They are ruthless...maybe that is why Maggie feels so connected to them! :)

~Raising a 10 year old is challenging. Raising a 10 year old and an 18 month old while 6 months pregnant is down right insane. Two completely different stages of life and being exhausted from being pregnant makes for some rough nights. Enough said.

~When will my husband get so sick of the house being in the state it is and agree to hire a cleaning fairy? Seriously, my plan isn't working and the house looking like this is driving me crazy!! What will it take?

~Giving your children everything they want is not giving them everything they need. Restraint is good and wanting is even better. More kids need to feel how "wanting" feels.

~To those who say nothing tastes better then skinny feels clearly has never had a Dr. Pepper and french fries from McDonalds.

~Watching your girls have the time of there life at an indoor water park can make even the heaviest of people want to say "screw what people think" and get in the water with them. I am sorry that I let my fear of what others think take over and missed out on some good memories with my girls. I will make it up to them...as soon as next month! Oh and I will be even bigger then :)

Seriously...

A mouse tried to hump my leg...

Ok, so maybe not full on humperoo but still very close. On my way home from work tonight, I spied with my little eye something black running across the passenger floor mat. I thought "for sure that wasn't a mouse". I tried to focus on the snow covered road while going a measly 55 mph. Oh shit, there it goes again. Damn it, it was a mouse. So how do I get the rest of the way home with a mouse up in the front of my NEW van without crashing. I called my husband and told him he had to come get me and drive the van home. He said no. He told me to make some noise with my left foot and the mouse would stay away. He told me that a mouse was not worth crashing over. Clearly he had never thought about a mouse scurrying up his leg while driving in blizzard like conditions(ok so it was just snowing and a little icy). So he hung up on me and told me to stop being a baby. I tried to keep my left foot moving so whiskers would stay away from me. It turned out that my "noise" I was making was a mating call for the lil bastard. I have to admit that it sounded like a mouse but I thought he might think it was a bigger mouse that would beat him up. Nope, he showed his ugly little head again. I did make it home without him humping my leg but only because I cursed loudly at him and was swerving like a maniac. he probably got car sick. My husband saved the day by putting a mouse trap in the van and caught him within 15 minutes of getting home. Dumb ass mouse! Seriously...

I'm worth it damn it....

I got hired almost 4 months ago working with the best dentist ever. I took a slight pay cut but figured it would be worth it to work for him. I was soooo right. There are so many days that I think it would be so much easier to be a SAHM...only because we have had a rough winter with illness and I am the only one who does my job at work so I am kind of a big deal, er I mean I have to be there! Most days though I so enjoy going to work. Dr. Wonderful is so easy to work with and very entertaining. Anywhos, I am getting off my point. The last dentist I worked for was having an affair with his main assistant which left me and another assistant to feel like we were lower then poop. I have been an assistant for over 13 years and I started to doubt my worth. Well today something happened that I am guessing doesn't happen every day. I met the girl that I won the job over. Being pregnant with my third, I am going down to two days a week. Just enough to get out of the house without feeling like I am overwhelmed and not feeling like I can give my best to everything. So, they hired the girl that was next in line for my job. And. Guess what. She is awesome. She is beautiful, experienced, skinny(bitch), and has a great personality. I could totally see us being friends. We have like 29843 things in common and we talked for about 25 minutes and could have gone on for like 3 hours without that awkward silence. I am actually kind of sad that we won't work together being that we are sharing a full time position. So it got me thinking. Maybe I am uber cool. Maybe I am good. Maybe I am funny, talented, beautiful, skinny(ok, fat chance...get it...fat chance!). I mean they picked me over her. And I had my review and they said they loved me and I am awesome and I got a HUGE raise. Yeah me. I'm good enough, I am smart enough and damn it people like me! Seriously...

Damn good Chicago driver...

I AM a damn good Chicago driver if I do say so myself. I can weave in and out of traffic, in a mini van mind you, with the best of them. All while going 95 mph. It drives my husband insane but oh well. We just got back from the "burbs" for a cheer competition, which the girls placed 4th(out of 10) and did WONDERFUL. Maggie was her usual defiant, stubborn self. But boy did she look too cute to care/yell at. I did not get a picture of her full on outfit because I was too busy trying to keep her from sliding down the 6 inch gap at the top of the bleachers. She threw her monkey paci down there and someone was nice enough to offer to throw it back and I think she thought if she went down, she would get a wild ride back up!

Just thought I would share with you all a little conversation I had with my 10 year old, innocent daughter. If only she would stay that way forever.

Makayla~ "We talked about Michael Phelps today and that stuff he got caught with."
Me~ *thinking, not saying out loud* did he get caught with grass again, dumbass. I say" what did he get caught with"
Makayla~ "He got caught with something called" *and I quote* "Mar-a-weenie"
Me~ insert laughing hysterically until I pee myself a little, snort and possibly hyperventilate. "do you mean marijuana?"
Makayla~ yeah, that stuff.

Clearly I know she hasn't started hitting the wacky tobacky yet and I shouldn't have corrected her. I should have let her friends correct her and then I would be guaranteed that she would not touch the stuff!!! Seriously...

Who gives a 10 year old with the flu food...

That would be my husband. Bless his heart. I have had the flu enough times in my life that I know that as thirsty as you feel, it feels worse coming up. My husband stayed home with the girls today since Makayla was sick. He gave her water, Sprite, toast(like half a loaf!), apple sauce and asked if she wanted pizza tonight. I can kinda understand the water and toast...if she wasn't still throwing up. When I talked to him about why he was giving her all that he said "to make her feel better". I then asked "when was the last time you had the stomach flu" he responded by saying "I can't remember the last time but when I am hungover lots of water and food makes me feel better". I said "really, are you serious". I can't believe he was treating our daughter like she had drank too much!!! I told him that being hungover is not like having the stomach flu. At least not for us. Thankfully, she declined the pizza. When he asked, she threw up. Poor girl. Can't catch a break! Seriously....

Hollywood disaster and my husbands future wife...

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While watching the ever boring Golden Globes last night I have two observations I would like to comment on.

1~ I do not like Chloe Sevigny. I never have really. Last night she did it in for me. She won an award, made it to the stage, was helped up by a gentleman whose job it was to escort her up the stairs and then threw a hissy fit because he stepped and ripped her dress. Maybe it was how she interrupted her thank you speech to say "I can't believe you just ripped my dress". Listen her chica. That dress was probably free so you could say the designers name when the 6387 people with cameras and mics asked you who you were wearing. If it was not free you clearly aren't hurting to pay for it. You also chose to wear a dress with a flowy train thingy and he was being a gentleman by helping you. I am pretty sure he wasn't praying you would win the award so he could rip your dress. Get over yourself. Oh and btw...a disaster is not a ripped dress at the Golden Globes. A disaster is what is going on in Haiti. Again...get over yourself.

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2~ My husband was giving permission to marry Jennifer Aniston last night by myself. The only stipulation I have is that when he gets the kids for the mandatory every other weekend/Wed. night daddy time, I come with. And Jen must be present for all such visits! And must treat me like her best friend. And he is mine again when she is filming movies. He didn't seem as appreciative as I thought he would be. Maybe it was because I told him I liked the name Tyler for a boy...if we have a boy....and he said "why, because that is your rock star boyfriends last name". Hadn't even dawned on me that my future famous husbands last name is Tyler(Steven Tyler...duh!!)!!! That makes me want to use it even more!! I believe he told me to start living in this world and leave the fantasy world. Seriously...

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Some days are better in bed...

Today would be that day. I was tired from the moment I woke up. Not good. Then we had an extremely busy day at work. Felt like I couldn't catch up.

As I was pulling out of the sitters drive way after picking up Maggie, she screeched like I have never heard before. It made me scream and jump and almost wreck the van. I looked back and she was giggling and said "scare me". I said "yes, you scared me". She then proceeded to continue scaring me all the way home. It was a long drive and I needed a whole bottle of Advil when I got home.

When I did make it home, Makayla tells me that she was locked out of the house after school. Opssiee. I let Murphy in this a.m. and I must have locked the wrong lock on the door. She was unable to put the code in and get in because I locked the lower lock as well. It turns out that maybe she had a good point at needing a cell phone at the age of 10. She walked to the neighbors house but ran all the way back home as the DAMN turkeys that we all know I love so much started running after her. Luckily, she was able to catch the mailman(we know the mailman) as he was delivering the mail to our house and used his phone to call her dad. I FEEL LIKE THE WORST MOM IN THE WORLD! Luckily her dad came home and got her. I still can't believe that I locked her out of the house. Don't worry, she wouldn't let me forget it tonite. All night she kept saying things like "the turkeys came out of now where" "I had to pee really bad but thought my legs would freeze if I tried to go outside" "I walked around the house lots of times because it helped me stay warm". Only thirteen days into the year and I have lost my hope of winning Mom of the Year!!!! I bet the new baby will be at least a month overdue knowing what kind of mom he/she is getting!

And the night ended nicely when we went out to dinner at Chinese joint here in town and a staff member "farmer blew" right into the garbage can next to our table. Clearly, it made my day. Who does that!!!! I had a pregnancy hankerin for some Chinese, not a Chinese man clearing his sinus'. Seriously...

I think Maggie is more composed these days then me...

Pregnancy hormones suck! Plain and simple. Yesterday was Makayla's first competition of the season. I have been slacking as a cheer mom lately and not going in to watch the end of practice like I have in the past. Well, yesterday was the first time I saw the whole routine with stunts and tumbling. WOW. I cannot tell you how far Makayla has come since we started three years ago. She had two round off flip flops and one standing back flip in the routine. Not once did she land on her knees!! She is the oldest on her squad that competes and so she stands out as the tallest. I was soooo proud of her. She and the rest of the team were amazing. So, I am not super familiar with the new moms of the group yet. All but two from the team last year left so all the moms are fairly new. I had tears brewing something fierce watching them compete. Not being comfortable with the new moms and plus trying to explain to my husband why I was crying kept me from full on sobbing. After they competed, EJ took Maggie out to the van to watch a movie and I waited in the stands for Makayla. I saw her and she was so proud of herself for getting her tumbling that I just started sobbing. I blame the pregnancy hormones. I couldn't even talk. I just kept saying how proud I was of her. She of course started crying because she is Miss Sensitive and cries at the drop of a hat and carries the weight of the world on her shoulders. Everyone was concerned for Makayla thinking something must have happened. I tried to explain to people that I was just super emotional and I made Makayla cry. Poor Makayla. But, I have to say that maybe I should be willing to express how proud I am of her more often. She has commented like 298 times how she can't believe I cried because she did so good. I think it is a moment that she will never forget. I know I won't!! Yes, I am crying right now typing this. Pathetic!! Seriously...

Naked hiney and my boobs got stuck...

That is what my day added up to. Here are the two scenarios. Enjoy and you are welcome.

1~I was trying to find a "cute" shirt that I could wear that was light weight and not maternity to wear to my baby dr appt. I try to wear the least amount of clothing as possible for my monthly weigh in. So I have this cute Ann Taylor Loft shirt that I am convinced will still fit. I put it on, which was a little bit of a struggle, as it is not cotton so no stretch. It looks decent enough but while I was struggling to get it on all of my deodorant is all over the front. I decided that I would try a different shirt because of how much deodorant is covering the front of shirt A. Well, it wasn't as easy as it seems. I kinda got stuck trying to get the shirt over my super huge boobies. I had my arms and boobs stuck in the shirt. I COULD NOT get out of it. And to make it worse, Maggie decided mom needed to be tickled under her arms like I always do to her when I take her shirt off. Yeah, that wasn't fun. I was literally scared that I would be stuck like this until EJ got home. Between laughing and crying I must have pulled a Cris Angel and got myself out. If only I had he video camera on while this was going on.

2~I am at the Dr's and I tell the nurse that I am having a few Braxton Hicks contractions and is that normal. She says no and tells me to get undressed from the waist down and she will check me to be safe. Not what I want to hear but thankfully I shaved!! So I am undressed with the lovely 1ply napkin across my lap when I realized that Maggie was not strapped into her stroller and was ever so slowly creeping her way out. I thought of what could happen if I ignore it and let her go. I decide that for everyones sake that I will strap her in. Well just as I am bending over to strap her in, my "napkin" falls and the door swings open and the curtain is pulled back. With my ass pointed right at the door...so everyone in the office can see. Yeah, great timing. Well the Dr apologized and asked why I was undressed from the waist down, with a giggle. I told her that the nurse told me to because of the contractions. The nurse didn't mention that to her. Oppssiee. Not how I wanted to start the appointment! Baby is doing good, heart rate is 145/149. Sitting right on the fence of boy/girl. This one is going to throw us for a loop!! Seriously...

You know you are old when...

You are praying the kids have school and don't have a snow day. I am off tomorrow and I was told not to come to work today due to bad weather. My oldest had a snow day. I had a headache all day long and wished I had gone to work. God, I am old. Oh and it didn't help that my husband got three calls between 3:30 and 4:00 a.m. about plowing. SO...I have been up since 3:30 because once you wake a pregnant woman up she is UP(besides the 32 times I get up to pee. I think I am asleep for all that, I have that mastered...I don't even open my eyes!)! Damn snow. I AM going to my baby doctor appt tomorrow. No. Matter. What!!! That's all. Seriously...

My daughter is that kid...

Yep, she is the kid who takes off there diaper and gets poop everywhere. I partly blame the sitter. Maggie stripped down to her onesie sometime this morning. Then at nap time she must have done that again only she tried to pull her diaper off without getting her onesie undone. So, I blame the sitter of knowing that she was capable of taking off her clothes. And she poops everyday at nap time. But in all reality, Maggie is just one big STINKER and is capable of all kinds of things she shouldn't do. That is why we love her so much and are always on our toes. Please don't let us be this "lucky" with the next one. I am not sure having too "spirited" kids will help me with my patience problem. Calm, like there dad, would be nice. I of course think I am a wicked cool person but maybe having all of my kids with my personality is going overboard!!Seriously...

2010 off to a fantabulous start...

Wow. What a whirlwind we just got off of. Christmas, New Years, my sister and future brother in law here for 10 days. Lots of family time, lots of food, good times and lots of good memories. I can't believe that 2010 is here, whether we want it to be or not. Well being that it is only the 4th day of the year, I have a feeling it is going to be a doozy.

Makayla is sassier then ever, sporting a gigantic chip on her shoulder we have nicknamed "attitude". My wonderful husband asked her to take some glasses downstairs and she started to stack them. He said "take two trips so you don't break them". She responded with "if you don't want them to break, take them yourself". Yes, that is how my 10 year old is talking to us lately. I currently have a long list of boarding schools on my google history.

Maggie is just as much of a spitfire as her older sister. Holy cow is she HIGH energy. Even having a cold, she is go go go go go. Her newest trick is pretending she has an ouchie and having us "fawn" over her and kiss whatever she has "hurt". Well, last night she came up to me and said ouchie and showed me her finger. Without even paying attention, I kissed it. I was distracted by the conversation I was having with my husband. I swear to you after I kissed it, she giggled. Then I realized her hand and finger were all wet. I said "why is Maggie's hand all wet". My husband said without even thinking about what he was about to say..."she just came out of the bathroom". Ewwwwww. I just kissed her hand and it had just been in the toilet. Sure enough when I went in to the bathroom, there was toilet paper in the toilet. That seems to be her new thing. She has shown some interest in potty training so we are just casually entertaining the thought. Well, I guess we need to spend some more time on toilet etiquette. Like hands don't go in the water!!

Oh what fun this year has in store for us. I am thinking the newest member may be a little quieter then his/her sisters. I am feeling some movement but not a ton like the girls. I hope that means we are going to have a laid back lil one. With the girls we have, I need it!! Seriously...