Funny!

Go to www.awkwardfamilyphotos.com!!! Now, don't wait, don't even finish this post.....just go! I tinkled a little in my panties, not going to lie. You need to bookmark this website for those bad days. This is a huge comic relief. Enjoy and you are welcome. Seriously...

Really!?!?!?!?!?

Ok, so I am not usually one to bitch all the time don't ask my husband but that is exactly what I have for you today. My wonderful husband and I decided that our current life insurance amount wasn't sufficient. We met with our ins. agent's secretary for the brutal questioning about your every move over the last 10+ years. Well, my first "I can't believe you are asking me this" question was what is your weight. Um, hello, my husband is sitting right next to me as is my nosey daughter who is CONSTANTLY asking me how much I weigh. Clearly you must not be married, secretary lady. I will not tell you how much I weigh. What, you say you have to put something down. Put down "go to hell". Next, I know you don't know me or my family history. You ask me how my father died, being the question is did both of our parents live past 60. Well, no my father did not, my mother only hit 50 this year so I am hoping for the best! My daughter, in the room with us, does not know how her Grandpa died and now IS NOT the time I am going to get into that. So I ask said daughter to leave. Do you know how many times she has asked me since then why she had to leave...remember she is SUPER nosey. I have threatened to ground her. So I tell secretary lady why, she apologizes. THEN it gets better...she asks if our parents have a history of mental illness, cancer, blah, blah, blah. She looks at me and says "that is a yes for you". I about hit her in her face!!! Don't assume. He was never diagnosed, he was never treated, that is not how I want people to think of my Dad!!! He did have cancer so why not let me answer yes with that fact instead. I am not ashamed of my Dad in any way, shape or form. Just don't judge him or me. Damn people. So that is why I say "today can kiss my ass!!". Seriously...

Heaven Help Us...

Since I have been home this summer with the girls I have noticed something. My daughter, the 10 year old, can be SO INCREDIBLY IRRITATING!!! Today she pushed my buttons. OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Towards the end of the day I just had to laugh. It was all I could do to stay sane. And that is when I realized she is, gulp, just like me! Pretend to hear me screaming here. Holy shit, what have I created. She is super nosey. She is super sensitive. She is super me!!! Seriously...

Buffet Britches...

We spent a long weekend in Nashville sans kids and have I got some stories to tell!!! While we were enjoying alcohol adult time, I observed some very interesting things. I will share them randomly as I remember them. ;) I really enjoyed some quality time with my hubby and adults friends!!

The best phrase I heard while in Lynchburg touring the Jack Daniels Distillery was by a gentleman who works with my hubby's Aunt(they work for Brown-Forman who owns JD). We went to Mrs. Mary Bobo's for lunch and it was served family style. YUM-O! He told us to make sure we had on some "buffet britches" for this meal we were about to eat. He had a perfect southern drawl and was the cutest! It made me laugh out loud!! I talk about "buffet britches" all the time now, against my husbands wishes! Thanks Frank! Seriously...

So not me...

I went shopping. Yes, I went shopping. And for myself. I even bought two dresses. I never buy or wear dresses. AND, they are a size smaller then I normally wear!! Yeah me. Here they are:



They fit really good. They are comfortable. What more can you ask for. Uh-oh, I think I may be excited about clothes again!! Ok, it passed. Whew. That was a close one! Seriously...

Busted...

So I had this really funny post about not giving any to my husband tonight because mowing the lawn tonight on a new mower was like starring in a porn, even the cows, who were retreating when I started, decided to come back for the show. It was SO bumpy that it looked like I was having relations with the mower. Clearly, all I needed was a vibrating button on the seat and wouldn't have complained so much about the bumpiness. Seriously, I felt violated. Anywhos, I was on the computer tonight, reading blogs, and my husband said something and I half-assed answered. Then I pretended to hear what he was saying. A few minutes later I made a comment about a girl on Big Brother and he just looked at me. Uh-oh....busted! I guess that is what "we" were talking about a few minutes before. Opsie!!! Seriously...

Confessions...

Confession #2~ I despise water! Every once in a while I get a hankerin for it. Like after Pizza Hut pizza with pork topping. That is it. I gave up Dr. Pepper almost a month ago. Actually I gave up dark soda altogether. I am VERY proud of myself. Now I find myself not drinking anything. I do not like anything sweet like kool-aid, or fruity flavored water. That doesn't leave much. I get a glass of ice water(which I need ice to make it tolerable) and it sits and melts and sweats all over the counter. My husband loves that I am leaving full glasses of water all over the house. He says it is nice to be able to grab a drink anywhere he is without doing any of the work. Funny him. So I realized how bad I was when it was 3:30 in the afternoon and I had not had ANYTHING to drink yet. I think that is bad. I will work on it. Maybe that is why I have headaches all the time!? Huh, maybe I will look into that! Seriously...

Check out this giveaway!!

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Really!?!?!?!?!?

To you lady at Schnucks today, I did not run over your child with my shopping cart. You can glare at me all you want. Your little precious princess was walking forward into the store while looking back. I thought for sure that she would turn around before she got too close. I couldn't move my cart out of her way, being that you guys came in the wrong door. I am not judging! Nor am I saying it is her fault. Ok, maybe a little. She was old enough to know to walk forward while looking forward. It was a tight space. I froze, I couldn't say anything fast enough. And then BAM, she literally walks right into my cart and falls to the floor. My instinct is too say "oh no, are you okay, I'm sorry". I guess that was my mistake. I admitted guilt without being guilty. I guess that gave the mom reason to think I ran her princess down. Oh and I truly am sorry that Maggie laughed at you! Seriously...

Confessions...

Confession #1~I don't like doing things girls are supposed to like doing. I don't want to spend 2 hours to get my hair to look like I just walked off the red carpet, only to go to the store. Ponytails are the easiest right now. Magdelicious gets aggressive and yanks on it and pulls it. Plus she is always eating and has gooey fingers all the time. My clothes I can change, I can't wash my hair every hour. I don't want to spend all the money it would take to have a regular wardrobe. My husbands old t-shirts are perfect, they can take what an almost one year old can throw at me and they wash well. I would rather spend the money on the girls, there stuff is cheaper and they grow out of it so fast. My eyebrows are a tad, ok, grossly overgrown. I don't mind it so much, you should see my husbands. Clearly, I am hoping the Brooke Shields look comes back in style! So, that is my confession for today. I feel better. If my husband had a problem with any of the above situations I would do something about it. I do shower every day, ok almost everyday. Really, isn't Sunday supposed to be a free pass! In our house it is! I shave my legs regularly, I brush my teeth. I use moisturizer with sunscreen. I use lotion alot, especially my hands. I want to be soft. I just don't feel that my appearance should be "fake" and anything other then what I am doing now, would be. He loves me for me and I have never been anyone but me so this is what he fell in love with. It must have been my dance moves or my humor!!! Seriously...