Angry

I am still not angry at my dad for what he did. I honestly don't think I will ever be. My theory is why be angry at someone who is no longer here and why be angry at someone who obviously was at the lowest point anyone could ever imagine being. Having said that, I am angry. I am angry at my dad's family. Not all of them. The ones that were incredibly supportive for about a year after he died. I now see that they were not genuine. There were a lot of promises made, connections that now seem false. Everyone grieves differently. Maybe that was just there way of getting through it. I wanted to hold on to anything that reminded me of him. I wanted to be surrounded by people who looked like him, who could see him in me. I guess that was my mistake. He didn't surround himself with them. I should have thought more about that. I now see it as a sign. They weren't involved in his life then, why would they want to include his family in their lives now. Some people have embraced me and I am thankful for those relationships. My sister and I agree on one thing, yes literally only one thing! They can say whatever they want to say to us, treat us as horrible as they can imagine, hell they can pretend we don't exist. We are big girls, we have our own lives and our own families. We cannot forgive them for doing the same to our brothers. They were only 17 at the time he died. He was half of who they are. His family should have filled in for the half that was now gone. My sister and I can get love and acceptance from our spouse/significant other/children. We have a wonderful mother that has been amazing. That is all they have. They have friends but nothing replaces family. I will continue to love my dad more everyday and look forward to the day that I see him again. I know that he will be proud of me for trying as long as I did to stay connected to his family. If he could say something to me now I am pretty sure he would say f*ck them. As he always did!!! Seriously...