What is going on you ask...

Here is a rundown of life here at our reality...

~Maggie is now being referred to as a bull in a china store. She learned at the sitters that all she has to do is scream/grunt/yell at the twin 2 year old boys who are smaller then her and they give her what they have. They don't even put up a fight.
~She also tries to walk through her toys, not around them. She is the center of her universe and we are just props.
~Makayla is well again, although looking like a twig. She wasted away to nothing with her piggy flu. Don't be worried, she has ALL of her sass back and a little extra to make up for being so compliant for the week.
~I don't know if I have the piggy flu/stomach flu/or just good ole exhaustion! Whatever it is, it can kiss my big squishy ass!!
~My sister is getting married!!!!! MP proposed on Thursday night and her ring is ridiculous gorgeous! They are an amazing couple and he is so lucky to be joining this crazy family!!
~My house is at the point where it would be easier to move then try to clean it. Actually, clean is what it is, cluttered and a disarray is how is looks!
~Farmer Joe got a good 5 days in the field and got rained out just in time for me to lay in bed for a couple days. I love weather and clearly that rain dance I did in my head worked this time!
That is all for now, I will let all this soak in and get back to blogging more regularly when I am feeling better!

Are you serious?!?!?!?

In previous posts, I joked about having different animal type flu's going around this house. Well, I guess karma is a bitch folks, cuz I am now dealing with a 10 year old with H1N1. Because she is so special she has the vomiting that comes along with some cases of the piggy flu. I have been a tad bit nauseous for a couple weeks now and I can't tell you how much I enjoy hearing her dry heave and throw up ALL. THE. TIME! Our household has literally been sick now for about 5 weeks straight. I thought we would be over the sickies but I guess He didn't want us to get too comfortable and care free. Nope, I have washed my hands more then if I was working full time again....oh shit, wait, I am working full time now. Hope I don't lose my job staying home with Miss Piggy. No, I don't call her that to her face. She can't know that she has the piggy flu, she has the soul of a 90 year old woman who will worry herself right into a nursing home if she did. So, how do you keep oneself from getting a virus that is so brutal and on a rampage, besides running away and holing up in a 5 star penthouse for a year? Please, any suggestions would be great. I will consider ALL options! Thanks, and disinfect your hands and eyes after reading this, we don't want you to get sick too! Seriously...

Be patient with me please...

So a lot of new things are going on here in My Reality. One, a new job. Two, I am working 4 days a week now. I was only working one day and that was only the last month. It is hard, don't judge. Three...you will have to wait. Oh yeah, my husband still hasn't gotten any crops out of the ground yet. We will be taking him out turkey to his tractor on Thanksgiving. Oh, and everything is really bad timing!!

Too tired to post anything tonight that makes sense. So here is a run down.

~Went to the Vikings/Rams game yesterday! It was awesome, the Vikings stomped the Rams and we enjoyed every second of it!!! I love football.
~Maggie is finally feeling better, just a little runny nose here and there.
~Makayla is going as Nancy Drew for Halloween. It was one of the only costumes that did not look like she was going as a stripper...at age 10.
~My sinus infection is NOT going away and I am ready to do a little surgery on myself. Don't know what I would do but something has to happen.
~My house is a disaster due to a busy weekend, going back to work and no one helping me. I officially don't care until I feel better.
~I love my mom!
~I miss my sister!
~I loved hangin out with my brothers at the game!
~I don't like starting new jobs, yet I love change, go figure. Really, I miss the hell out of the girls from the old job.

Ok, that is enough to put you to sleep. Hope you all can be patient and keep reading even if they make no sense and may skip a day. I am off to bed. Seriously...

Me and my curves are no match for a Chevy Trailblazer...

Yesterday we(me, crabby 1 and crabby 2) were on our way into town and oldest crabby couldn't get her seat belt buckled because of little crabby's car seat. I told her to figure it out. I was not about to stop the car. That is how super moms do things, they say figure it out. I am not ashamed. Well it appears the she could not get it. So I tell her to crawl over her sister and get in the other seat. She does it with the swiftness of a gisele. That made me remember my own experience trying to get from one seat to another while in a moving vehicle. Mine went a little something like this...hit it...

We were driving home from a baby shower in Chicago and I was feeding lil crabby. Well I get severely car sick so I wanted to get into the front seat but didn't want to stop to do it. I thought how hard is it to go over the seat. So I make the attempt. I guess I am a bit of a reverse anorexic/bulimic. I think I am smaller then I am.

I got stuck. Really?!

Oh boy did I get stuck. I had half of my body over the headrest and my head wedged against my dear hubby. Maybe it was my approach.

Maybe it is because a grown woman shouldn't climb over the front seat. If I was smaller, like my daughter it wouldn't have been a problem. I guess that is why they made doors on vehicles. Seriously...

I. HATE. TYPING....right now

I was half way through a post about all that I had to bitch about and got so frustrated with my typo's that I said screw it and deleted the whole damn thing. Do you ever have days where you can't type a damn word without hitting the back space 14,000 times. That is my night. All I want to do is scream "F***********************************". So realizing how inappropriate and immature that is I will just quietly say f*** and go to bed while dreaming of throwing the damn computer out the window. Sorry this isn't Nobel peace prize worthy shit, I am straight up pissed. Night....Seriously....

P.S. Lots of changes going on here in my reality so keep checking back for the breaking news...

Sweet tap dancin Jesus, is that a turkey on your car...

Just in case you were not fully understanding my misfortune while trying to get some exercise in the other day(in case you missed it check it out), here is some proof.

My mom was coming over last night to watch crabby 1 and crabby 2 so my husband and I could have a date night. I don't think she will come back. Not because we "forgot" to feed the crabbies before we left, stayed out way past our curfew, or because the crabby kids tied her up and put her in a closet so they could shot gun Dr. Peppers. No, it is because of this.

Yes, you see that creature on the top of my moms car? That would be one of the ferocious turkeys that our jack ass neighbor is "raising wild". Remember, they travel together. Where are the other two you are asking? Let me show you...

Since we only had two cars in the area, one got the shaft and had to stay on the ground behind the trailblazer. Quite the funny guys, those turkeys. So, please send sympathy that we are prisoners of our own home because some jack monkey decided to be damn Dr. Doolittle and think having wild turkeys would be so much fun for this country neighborhood.

I think our dog, who we got scolded by Dr Doolittle for him eating his chickens, was only trying to protect us and the underground fence will be malfunctioning next time he is away from animal kingdom. Seriously...

Signs....

You are all sick of me complaining pursuing a healthier lifestyle. I know, me too. I try, that is all you can do, right!? Well, if you didn't know that I am allergic to exercise, I am. Deathly. It causes me great physical harm. Oh wait, that is what happens to others when I try! Here is another case in point. I have been taking walks with crabalicious lately. It is the only thing that keeps me from putting her in a closet, with kibble. Well, we have a neighbor that has "wild" turkeys that he is raising...I don't know how wild and raising can be in the same sentence. Anyways they are vicious. MEAN little bastards. Well I was out avoiding dealing with my daughters temperament walking and I saw a cute fuzzy little caterpillar. I was attempting to pick the cutie up for crabalicious and three turkeys charged me. At first, I thought for sure they would stop. I continued, bent over, picking up the damn caterpillar and they continued charging!! I literally had to run with the stroller to get away from these bastards. I of course was screaming like a girl and I am sure I looked like a moose pulling a uhaul but I ran like I have never ran before. I managed to escape the wrath of the evil turkeys but now I am scared to walk again. I guess this is just another sign that I should abstain from any type of physical activity. I hear you loud and clear. Seriously...

P.S. I think we may celebrate Thanksgiving three times this year.