Friday, September 3, 2010
Does hazard pay come with my 2 year old...
I have 13, visible to me, bruises. I could tell you all that I got into a wicked bar fight with Paris and Lindsay since we were spotted at Les Duex wearing the same outfit, which I clearly rocked out better then them being I don't have the cocaine problem. But sadly, that is not how I got them. I am going to blame my never stop for a second, aggressive, full of energy 2 year old. I am almost positive that she has her gooey, slobbery fingerprints allllll over them. Well except for that one I got when I ran into the counter at Office Depot, and yes you pimply faced college student, I heard you choke on your own saliva laughing at me. Good thing I thought it was pretty funny too or I would have kicked your ass, see above, I am not one to mess with! ;) Back to the destroyer or better known as Maggie. This is what we have experienced in the last week.
~~Finger nail polish on 30% of her body and on a 3 inch section of my bedroom carpet...finger nail polish remover DOES NOT remove finger nail polish from carpet...FYI!
~~A hole in the wall....no idea what happened. She says "I bonked my head" and "I bit my tongue"...all while I was in the shower, seriously maybe 8 minutes
~~Half a bottle of hand sanitizer was expertly rubbed in like lotion on all exposed skin...thankfully not from the neck up....and maybe we will get past this cold bug we have now that she is so "sanitized"
~~I may have a black eye as a result of a very eager 2 year old excitedly "giving" me a book for us to read. Clearly, I need to pay more attention to her demands.
~~Her new phrases are "Oh my Jesus", "GGGOOOOSSSSHHHH"(sounds just like I typed it), "God Damnit", "but Mia wants it" when she gets something that she knows she can't have.
Seriously, I am exhausted, feel defeated and think I may need hazard pay to continue to raise Maggie. Seriously...