Damn good Chicago driver...

I AM a damn good Chicago driver if I do say so myself. I can weave in and out of traffic, in a mini van mind you, with the best of them. All while going 95 mph. It drives my husband insane but oh well. We just got back from the "burbs" for a cheer competition, which the girls placed 4th(out of 10) and did WONDERFUL. Maggie was her usual defiant, stubborn self. But boy did she look too cute to care/yell at. I did not get a picture of her full on outfit because I was too busy trying to keep her from sliding down the 6 inch gap at the top of the bleachers. She threw her monkey paci down there and someone was nice enough to offer to throw it back and I think she thought if she went down, she would get a wild ride back up!

Just thought I would share with you all a little conversation I had with my 10 year old, innocent daughter. If only she would stay that way forever.

Makayla~ "We talked about Michael Phelps today and that stuff he got caught with."
Me~ *thinking, not saying out loud* did he get caught with grass again, dumbass. I say" what did he get caught with"
Makayla~ "He got caught with something called" *and I quote* "Mar-a-weenie"
Me~ insert laughing hysterically until I pee myself a little, snort and possibly hyperventilate. "do you mean marijuana?"
Makayla~ yeah, that stuff.

Clearly I know she hasn't started hitting the wacky tobacky yet and I shouldn't have corrected her. I should have let her friends correct her and then I would be guaranteed that she would not touch the stuff!!! Seriously...

Who gives a 10 year old with the flu food...

That would be my husband. Bless his heart. I have had the flu enough times in my life that I know that as thirsty as you feel, it feels worse coming up. My husband stayed home with the girls today since Makayla was sick. He gave her water, Sprite, toast(like half a loaf!), apple sauce and asked if she wanted pizza tonight. I can kinda understand the water and toast...if she wasn't still throwing up. When I talked to him about why he was giving her all that he said "to make her feel better". I then asked "when was the last time you had the stomach flu" he responded by saying "I can't remember the last time but when I am hungover lots of water and food makes me feel better". I said "really, are you serious". I can't believe he was treating our daughter like she had drank too much!!! I told him that being hungover is not like having the stomach flu. At least not for us. Thankfully, she declined the pizza. When he asked, she threw up. Poor girl. Can't catch a break! Seriously....

Hollywood disaster and my husbands future wife...

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While watching the ever boring Golden Globes last night I have two observations I would like to comment on.

1~ I do not like Chloe Sevigny. I never have really. Last night she did it in for me. She won an award, made it to the stage, was helped up by a gentleman whose job it was to escort her up the stairs and then threw a hissy fit because he stepped and ripped her dress. Maybe it was how she interrupted her thank you speech to say "I can't believe you just ripped my dress". Listen her chica. That dress was probably free so you could say the designers name when the 6387 people with cameras and mics asked you who you were wearing. If it was not free you clearly aren't hurting to pay for it. You also chose to wear a dress with a flowy train thingy and he was being a gentleman by helping you. I am pretty sure he wasn't praying you would win the award so he could rip your dress. Get over yourself. Oh and btw...a disaster is not a ripped dress at the Golden Globes. A disaster is what is going on in Haiti. Again...get over yourself.

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2~ My husband was giving permission to marry Jennifer Aniston last night by myself. The only stipulation I have is that when he gets the kids for the mandatory every other weekend/Wed. night daddy time, I come with. And Jen must be present for all such visits! And must treat me like her best friend. And he is mine again when she is filming movies. He didn't seem as appreciative as I thought he would be. Maybe it was because I told him I liked the name Tyler for a boy...if we have a boy....and he said "why, because that is your rock star boyfriends last name". Hadn't even dawned on me that my future famous husbands last name is Tyler(Steven Tyler...duh!!)!!! That makes me want to use it even more!! I believe he told me to start living in this world and leave the fantasy world. Seriously...

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Some days are better in bed...

Today would be that day. I was tired from the moment I woke up. Not good. Then we had an extremely busy day at work. Felt like I couldn't catch up.

As I was pulling out of the sitters drive way after picking up Maggie, she screeched like I have never heard before. It made me scream and jump and almost wreck the van. I looked back and she was giggling and said "scare me". I said "yes, you scared me". She then proceeded to continue scaring me all the way home. It was a long drive and I needed a whole bottle of Advil when I got home.

When I did make it home, Makayla tells me that she was locked out of the house after school. Opssiee. I let Murphy in this a.m. and I must have locked the wrong lock on the door. She was unable to put the code in and get in because I locked the lower lock as well. It turns out that maybe she had a good point at needing a cell phone at the age of 10. She walked to the neighbors house but ran all the way back home as the DAMN turkeys that we all know I love so much started running after her. Luckily, she was able to catch the mailman(we know the mailman) as he was delivering the mail to our house and used his phone to call her dad. I FEEL LIKE THE WORST MOM IN THE WORLD! Luckily her dad came home and got her. I still can't believe that I locked her out of the house. Don't worry, she wouldn't let me forget it tonite. All night she kept saying things like "the turkeys came out of now where" "I had to pee really bad but thought my legs would freeze if I tried to go outside" "I walked around the house lots of times because it helped me stay warm". Only thirteen days into the year and I have lost my hope of winning Mom of the Year!!!! I bet the new baby will be at least a month overdue knowing what kind of mom he/she is getting!

And the night ended nicely when we went out to dinner at Chinese joint here in town and a staff member "farmer blew" right into the garbage can next to our table. Clearly, it made my day. Who does that!!!! I had a pregnancy hankerin for some Chinese, not a Chinese man clearing his sinus'. Seriously...

I think Maggie is more composed these days then me...

Pregnancy hormones suck! Plain and simple. Yesterday was Makayla's first competition of the season. I have been slacking as a cheer mom lately and not going in to watch the end of practice like I have in the past. Well, yesterday was the first time I saw the whole routine with stunts and tumbling. WOW. I cannot tell you how far Makayla has come since we started three years ago. She had two round off flip flops and one standing back flip in the routine. Not once did she land on her knees!! She is the oldest on her squad that competes and so she stands out as the tallest. I was soooo proud of her. She and the rest of the team were amazing. So, I am not super familiar with the new moms of the group yet. All but two from the team last year left so all the moms are fairly new. I had tears brewing something fierce watching them compete. Not being comfortable with the new moms and plus trying to explain to my husband why I was crying kept me from full on sobbing. After they competed, EJ took Maggie out to the van to watch a movie and I waited in the stands for Makayla. I saw her and she was so proud of herself for getting her tumbling that I just started sobbing. I blame the pregnancy hormones. I couldn't even talk. I just kept saying how proud I was of her. She of course started crying because she is Miss Sensitive and cries at the drop of a hat and carries the weight of the world on her shoulders. Everyone was concerned for Makayla thinking something must have happened. I tried to explain to people that I was just super emotional and I made Makayla cry. Poor Makayla. But, I have to say that maybe I should be willing to express how proud I am of her more often. She has commented like 298 times how she can't believe I cried because she did so good. I think it is a moment that she will never forget. I know I won't!! Yes, I am crying right now typing this. Pathetic!! Seriously...

Naked hiney and my boobs got stuck...

That is what my day added up to. Here are the two scenarios. Enjoy and you are welcome.

1~I was trying to find a "cute" shirt that I could wear that was light weight and not maternity to wear to my baby dr appt. I try to wear the least amount of clothing as possible for my monthly weigh in. So I have this cute Ann Taylor Loft shirt that I am convinced will still fit. I put it on, which was a little bit of a struggle, as it is not cotton so no stretch. It looks decent enough but while I was struggling to get it on all of my deodorant is all over the front. I decided that I would try a different shirt because of how much deodorant is covering the front of shirt A. Well, it wasn't as easy as it seems. I kinda got stuck trying to get the shirt over my super huge boobies. I had my arms and boobs stuck in the shirt. I COULD NOT get out of it. And to make it worse, Maggie decided mom needed to be tickled under her arms like I always do to her when I take her shirt off. Yeah, that wasn't fun. I was literally scared that I would be stuck like this until EJ got home. Between laughing and crying I must have pulled a Cris Angel and got myself out. If only I had he video camera on while this was going on.

2~I am at the Dr's and I tell the nurse that I am having a few Braxton Hicks contractions and is that normal. She says no and tells me to get undressed from the waist down and she will check me to be safe. Not what I want to hear but thankfully I shaved!! So I am undressed with the lovely 1ply napkin across my lap when I realized that Maggie was not strapped into her stroller and was ever so slowly creeping her way out. I thought of what could happen if I ignore it and let her go. I decide that for everyones sake that I will strap her in. Well just as I am bending over to strap her in, my "napkin" falls and the door swings open and the curtain is pulled back. With my ass pointed right at the door...so everyone in the office can see. Yeah, great timing. Well the Dr apologized and asked why I was undressed from the waist down, with a giggle. I told her that the nurse told me to because of the contractions. The nurse didn't mention that to her. Oppssiee. Not how I wanted to start the appointment! Baby is doing good, heart rate is 145/149. Sitting right on the fence of boy/girl. This one is going to throw us for a loop!! Seriously...

You know you are old when...

You are praying the kids have school and don't have a snow day. I am off tomorrow and I was told not to come to work today due to bad weather. My oldest had a snow day. I had a headache all day long and wished I had gone to work. God, I am old. Oh and it didn't help that my husband got three calls between 3:30 and 4:00 a.m. about plowing. SO...I have been up since 3:30 because once you wake a pregnant woman up she is UP(besides the 32 times I get up to pee. I think I am asleep for all that, I have that mastered...I don't even open my eyes!)! Damn snow. I AM going to my baby doctor appt tomorrow. No. Matter. What!!! That's all. Seriously...

My daughter is that kid...

Yep, she is the kid who takes off there diaper and gets poop everywhere. I partly blame the sitter. Maggie stripped down to her onesie sometime this morning. Then at nap time she must have done that again only she tried to pull her diaper off without getting her onesie undone. So, I blame the sitter of knowing that she was capable of taking off her clothes. And she poops everyday at nap time. But in all reality, Maggie is just one big STINKER and is capable of all kinds of things she shouldn't do. That is why we love her so much and are always on our toes. Please don't let us be this "lucky" with the next one. I am not sure having too "spirited" kids will help me with my patience problem. Calm, like there dad, would be nice. I of course think I am a wicked cool person but maybe having all of my kids with my personality is going overboard!!Seriously...

2010 off to a fantabulous start...

Wow. What a whirlwind we just got off of. Christmas, New Years, my sister and future brother in law here for 10 days. Lots of family time, lots of food, good times and lots of good memories. I can't believe that 2010 is here, whether we want it to be or not. Well being that it is only the 4th day of the year, I have a feeling it is going to be a doozy.

Makayla is sassier then ever, sporting a gigantic chip on her shoulder we have nicknamed "attitude". My wonderful husband asked her to take some glasses downstairs and she started to stack them. He said "take two trips so you don't break them". She responded with "if you don't want them to break, take them yourself". Yes, that is how my 10 year old is talking to us lately. I currently have a long list of boarding schools on my google history.

Maggie is just as much of a spitfire as her older sister. Holy cow is she HIGH energy. Even having a cold, she is go go go go go. Her newest trick is pretending she has an ouchie and having us "fawn" over her and kiss whatever she has "hurt". Well, last night she came up to me and said ouchie and showed me her finger. Without even paying attention, I kissed it. I was distracted by the conversation I was having with my husband. I swear to you after I kissed it, she giggled. Then I realized her hand and finger were all wet. I said "why is Maggie's hand all wet". My husband said without even thinking about what he was about to say..."she just came out of the bathroom". Ewwwwww. I just kissed her hand and it had just been in the toilet. Sure enough when I went in to the bathroom, there was toilet paper in the toilet. That seems to be her new thing. She has shown some interest in potty training so we are just casually entertaining the thought. Well, I guess we need to spend some more time on toilet etiquette. Like hands don't go in the water!!

Oh what fun this year has in store for us. I am thinking the newest member may be a little quieter then his/her sisters. I am feeling some movement but not a ton like the girls. I hope that means we are going to have a laid back lil one. With the girls we have, I need it!! Seriously...