Farm life

Farm life
Farm girls look beautiful to get dirty

Thursday, May 21, 2009

So sad...

I am having a very hard time accepting that in 3 short months I am going to have to reenter the workforce. I have enjoyed every second of my extended maternity leave and am soooo grateful that I was able to stay home for Maggies first year. Just like when you go on vacation and spend the last three days sad that you have to go back. That is what I am doing! :( I need to stop! I even thought about donating my eggs to infertile couples just to stay home a little longer. Then I thought how awkward that would be if I saw someone that looked just like me, would I always wonder how many "kids" I had out there. Too weird. I am open, as I have been for years, to being a surrogate. It would have to be no genetic connection to me for me to do it but I love being pregnant. Crazy thoughts when you are desperate!!

I love working, I don't think I am meant to be a stay at home mom. I am scared to death to be who I want to be to everyone as well as I should. I can't imagine getting off work, picking up Maggie at daycare(which is a whole other ballgame of stress), coming home to get Makayla hoping she has done all her homework, take her to practice, come home make dinner, get Maggie ready for bed, go pick Makayla up from cheer, come home, put everyone to bed and straighten up the house. WTF. How am I going to be able to do this. That is what scares me. Yes it is only going to be like this when my husband is in the fields. But that is roughly 5-6 months a year!!! I need to not worry about it now and enjoy the last three months of my baby girls growing up!!! Seriously....

*(tears are flowing right now!)*

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