Pure Entertainment...

Yesterday, I was going on a walk with my little Maggie Lu, on a well used, well known trail here in town. The particular portion we were walking on is right next to a hugely busy road. It is super hot(ok, maybe if I was a little not so chunky it would not have seemed so hot), it is that time of the month and I am pushing Maggie in a new pink and purple car. Here are the problems with all that.

It is hot, I am wearing black exercise pants. That may or may not cause a little sweating between my thighs.
That sweat that may or may not be there, may or may not be causing my panty liner(that is for you Tanya) to feel like it is bunching up in my backside.
That bunching that may or may not be going on is making me feel like I have a noticeable lump in my drawers.
To make sure it doesn't look like it feels, I simply reach my hand around and "feel around"(don't pretend you don't know what I am talking about). I hate wearing said panty liner because it feels like a diaper, no matter how small they are. With all the walking and hotness, I feel like it has "gathered" in the back.
While quickly and casually checking things out, a random loser honks at me. This of course startles me. Clearly, I thought if I willed it hard enough, it would be invisible, what I am doing.
While being startled and trying to make it seem like I for sure wasn't touching my "bad parts" I kind of tripped over Maggies car.
Yeah, that was me flipping over the pink and purple car barely missing and taking Maggie out in the process. As I am laid sprawled out on the trail, on a very busy road, Maggie is laughing and not ONE person stops to make sure I am ok. I got two more honks but not one "hey, are you ok?!" Not even the guy riding his bike, who has to go off into the grass as I am brushing the dirt off of me, cannot even pretend that he is not laughing. Sir, if you refuse to make eye contact with me but you are laughing out loud, I can still see and hear you.
That is why I decided to stop leaving the house in the name of exercise...pure entertainment for everyone else but me. Seriously...